Chapter Five

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Mood: tired

Place: Hotel in Paris. (With Justin, Ryan, Chaz, and Caitlin.)

We arrived in Paris at 3 am and I was wide awake.  Stupid time differences! Justin and Chaz shared a room and Cait and I shared a room.  Ryan was staying with family friends.  Chaz was so tired and so he went straight to sleep.  Justin and Cait and I were watching a movie in our room. 

After everything with Ryan, I decided that maybe liking Justin may not be as bad as I thought.  We were watching The Runaways I was sitting with my hot tea on the single seat and Cait and Justin were snuggled on the couch.  We were at the end of the movie.  Cait looked at Justin and said goodnight. 

“Do I have to go?” Justin asked with a puppy dog face.

“Yes! Now gimme a kiss and get some sleep.”  Cait gave him a peck on the lips, but he deepend the kiss.  Five minutes later and it turned into a total make out session. 

Oh this is just dandy!

I grabbed my purse and headed down to the internet café next to the hotel.  I ordered a mocha latte and sat down.  I looked through my bag but my binder with all the concert music fell.  A guy came over and helped me pick it up.  This guy ended up being Ryan.

“Thanks” I said trying not to show any emotion.

“What are you doing here?” He took an empty seat next to me. 

“Thinking, what about you?”

“Same. Listen, I-”

“You’re sorry I get it… But I found this other great guy so things for us have hit a dead end.”

“Oh.  Well, are you two going out?”

“I never said that.  I just like him a lot.  But, he has a girlfriend, I’ll just have to be patient.”

I got up and grabbed my purse and drink, but Ryan took hold of my hand. Just like the day in the hotel room. 

“I get it you’re over me, but if he ever hurts you, I will always be there for you.”  With that said, he kissed my cheek and let me go.  I hurriedly exited the café. 

I walked back up to my room to find Justin and Caitlin asleep on her bed.  Justin’s key was on the table so I took it and grabbed my luggage.

Justin and I can switch rooms.  As long as it makes him happy.

Chaz is in his room as I lug my bags to the next door.  I open the door and Chaz is watching Iron Man. 

“What are you doing?” He asked me.

“Making Justin happy.  And that means giving him my room so he can spend more time with Caitlin.”  Chaz looked at me in a confused way.

“You’re not like other girls who want the guy they like for her.”

“I know.”

I set my bags near the bed where Justin was supposed to sleep.

I changed into some black shorts and a pink shirt.  Then I remembered the envelope that mom had placed in my pocket.  I took it out of my jacket pocket and opened.  A picture of dad and me as a newborn fell out.  His smile was radiant and he was holding me with pride.  There was also a note.

Dearest Jessica,

My baby girl, my prized possession.  You are growing up MUCH to fast.  As I write this I am about to be operated to take the cancer out of my body.  The doctors say that even with this operation, I may not make it.  Dying isn’t the saddest part of all this, darling.  It would be leaving your mother, Aden, you, and your newest sibling.  I can feel the life taken out of me.  I can almost hear God’s voice telling me to just give up.  But, I won’t!

Now, Jessie, if I do die, you must understand that this is all a part of God’s plan for me.  If I do die, don’t worry.  You will see me one day in Paradise.  I can almost hear your voice right now, telling me to stay with you.  I know that you’re only nine, and so I may not be there if some mean boy treats you horribly.  I want you to know, that even if I am not there physically, I will be there mentally and spiritually. 

I love you Jessica.  Don’t you EVER forget that or let anyone make you forget it! I will always love you no matter what you do or say.

Love,

Daddy   

Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried to go to sleep.

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