104. The Baby Sitter

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"I guess so," Lindy said, maybe hoping that changing the pitch of one word to emphasise it would stand in for a whole bunch of words that she didn't really want to say. She was effectively giving me her blessing to try being a big girl again, a little break from my punishment. I didn't know what I would have to do to prove I was worthy of that payment, but I knew that I was determined to do it. Whatever it took to make Lindy accept me, that was what I would do.

"Like I said, I've got shopping to do," Mum said. "Do you think you'll be okay looking after the baby while I'm away, Lindy? And maybe if you two can play nicely together, then this afternoon we can return to doing something a little closer to what we had originally planned."

We both agreed to that. And in the circumstances, I think that I was a little more enthusiastic about it than Lindy was. Even when I'd been enjoying being babied, aside from the most disgusting moments, I found that I had started to miss being treated like an adult. I wanted to do things for myself again. I guess that in a way, being a little kid was like a vacation. It was fun as a break from the routine, but it started to feel oppressive if I couldn't get out of that role. A chance to be a big girl, even if just for an afternoon, was something I could look forward to.

"Here's the plan, then," Mum said. "And I expect you both to listen. First, I'll put the hypnotic video on again. Just to help Sally feel nice and little. Then I'll go shopping, and Lindy will be the babysitter. That means she will have all the authority I usually do, and she has control over your punishment. Okay, Sally? And Lindy, I expect you to act responsibly while you are in charge. And then when I get back we'll have lunch, and if Sally has been good all day then we can get you all dressed up like a big girl, and we can see how you do at the sports day. Maybe I'll even have some little treats for you when you do well."

I didn't argue as Mum set up the video on the TV, or when Lindy put those headphones over my ears. And then I was just listening to the words in my ears, and watching the words on the screen. It was so easy to be reminded of how much I liked to be a little baby, and to get lost in the world of my imagination while that voice kept on telling me what to see. Before I even realised that it was happening, I was coming back to reality as the voice counted down. All the spirals and the words fading away, more complex than I needed to understand, and just left my head filled with a pink mist. So hard to think, so easy to just let go and babble like a good baby for my Mommy.

"Now," Mommy said, "how do you feel? Are you all ready for today, or does my little baby need a diaper change?"

I tried to think about the question, just so I could prove that I was still big enough to know what she was talking about. That was when my thoughts started to come back; realising that I had just wet my diaper without even thinking it was weird, and then I'd cheerfully told Mommy about it, so proud that I even noticed. Everything was just a game, and it didn't feel real anymore. I didn't know if I was playing at being a baby, or if I was a baby playing at being a big girl, but the whole thing was so much fun that I didn't mind. It was a bit embarrassing to lose control like that, but I knew that it wasn't anything I needed to worry about.

"I think she can wait until lunch time for a change," Lindy said, and I wondered if she was planning something now. The way she was smirking again made it seem like some kind of trick, or like she'd got one over on me and was just waiting for me to notice.

"I don't think so," Mum said. "She was wet even before the video, and I don't want to risk diaper rash. This punishment is based on embarrassment and having her choice taken away; actual pain doesn't need to be a part of it. Now, if you want to change your little sister I think I might allow that. But in that case it should still be before I go out, because I don't think I've seen you change a diaper before, and I want to make sure that it is done properly."

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