-But to hold one's self responsible? You'll find no better example than this man. He is haunted by every choice, for allowing memories to fade is never an option when they have already etched their way onto your eyes.
-Cillian cradles his every wrongdoing. Frames them in his museum of shame, so that the long line of dead before him will see his every effort to break their curse. So they may see the toll of every sacrifice they demand of him.
-He needs no Cauldron or Mother to hold him responsible. Not when he lives in his own palace of guilt.
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-Cillian has the misfortune to be born into Autumn Court, to a mother with no means to care for him. We'll survive, she tells him, it was the same for me, and my mother before me. She does not tell him it will be alright, because she does not lie to her son, does not have the kindness —or would it be cruelty?— to do so. She tells him they will survive.
-It makes no difference, he's too young to understand the implications of it.
-It was not only him with this misfortune, but rather the bloodline as a whole.
-There is no one in his life to call 'father'. His mother says this too is common for their family line. Tells Cillian he will also be forgotten once he sires children of his own.
-These words will go on to be a factor in his life drive. The desire to prove them wrong. To break this bloodline curse.
-Life is a colorless blur until he is 12 and it is stained red when his mother makes her final mistake, even if it is his saving grace.
-(And she was so miserable in this life that to this dayCillian doesn't know if she did it because maybe she loved him after all or because she just wanted to end it all. He doesn't want to know the answer. )
-A scholar from Day Court visits Autumn for research purposes. His mother is tasked with helping pack the fae's return carriage when one of his servants takes ill. She seizes the opportunity with both hands.
-Into a crate he sealed and onto the carriage he goes. And if even years later as an adult, small spaces are utterly unbearable, so be it. By the time the crate is opened, Cillian is starving and nearly dying from thirst. A perfectly pitiful sight to make a basket case out of himself just as his mother intended.
-It works out in the end. The details —the blood on his hands and the body left to crows— are not important. He is taken on as the scholar's aid. There is, however, an unfortunate incident in his 21st year of life. He is left without a master and is sent back to Autumn where he works now as a scribe for a lord.
𓁿S͟͟͟͞͞͞K͟͟͟͞͞͞I͟͟͟͞͞͞L͟͟͟͞͞͞L͟͟͟͞͞͞S͟͟͟͞͞͞𓁿
°Resting bitch face°
-I don't think the man has ever smiled once in his whole life. Probably didn't even cry coming out of the womb. It's below his dignity or something.
-Could be genuinely happy but his face will not move a muscle. Could be planning your murder and he will not even blink. Could be caught committing a murder and all you will get is the same blank stare if not a bit annoyed that you are interrupting his work.
°Higher Education°
-He's had a higher education than most humans. This has made him skilled at writing coded messages and such.
°Level headed°
-Cillian is good at getting a fine picture of the situation, even if under pressure or worse. He only needs a moment to pull himself together and put a plan into action.
𓁿T͟͟͟͞͞͞R͟͟͟͞͞͞I͟͟͟͞͞͞V͟͟͟͞͞͞I͟͟͟͞͞͞A͟͟͟͞͞͞𓁿
-He's a tea drinker, can't stand the taste of coffee.
-Clausterphobic
-Teaches other humans in his free time. Would have been a kindergarten teacher in a softer world.
-Has planned and participated in a failed and very bloody rebellion at some point. He was simply resourceful enough to keep his name and identity out of it when things went south.
-Helps other humans whenever possible. It can be for simple things like getting them the food and medication they need, or dangerous things like smuggling them out to other courts. His idea, however, of "possible" might be very different from most.
-There is pale scar tissue on his wrists and neck from his childhood when he was owned by a particularly 'bothersome' fae. He tends to try and cover them up.
-Arsonist.
-He's still autumn-born after all, and just because he doesn't have magic like fae do doesn't mean he can't light a couple of matches.
𓁿𓁿𓁿𓁿𓁿𓁿𓁿𓁿
"Someone has to do this. Someone has to have blood on their hands,"
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