Hear my lullaby

3.

3. Bare feet

Joonas

Joel's and Eevi's little fight was in my mind for the whole journey back to my home. Aleksi drived me, and we both were quiet for the whole time. It was weird to see Joel so angry, like I don't know have I ever seen him shouting so.. angrily. Probably not. And how he had the courage to yell at Eevi. Every one of us knows how scary she can be when she gets mad. It always makes me sweat when I see Eevi mad, but this time I was only proud of her when she stood up for herself. She always does, but this time she was very serious when she told to Joel that if he doesn't act nicely when Freya and Gilbert comes here, she doesn't want to see Joel ever again. And that wouldn't be a problem for her, she didn't meet Olli in ten years.. okay maybe that's a bit different thing. But the point is that her words are to be trusted.
And I don't know if Joel is going to keep his mouth shut.

We arrived to the parking lot, and Aleksi stopped as I took the seatbelt off.
"Thanks for the ride." I yawned tired. I was ready to open the door and get out, but Aleksi took grip of my arm. I turned my eyes on him, and he let go of me then. I guess I'm not leaving yet.

"I.. uhm.. how do you feel about this whole situation..?" Aleksi's voice was unsure and his gaze was on his hands. I pressed my back against the seat and I stared outside of the windscreen. Nothing was going on inside my head, even though that Aleksi asked me a question, I wasn't thinking about the answer to it. I was literally thinking nothing.
Just emptiness. And the silence just went on and on, and suddenly I felt his hand on my arm again. I flinched, and looked at him. His eyes looked worried.
I just shrugged my shoulders as an answer. I didn't know what to say.

"Whole situation.. you mean like Freya breaking up from Joel, her moving out to London with another man and how Joel snapped earlier and how he's been acting towards us all." I emptied my mouth to him. Aleksi nodded as his eyes were on me.
"I feel like everything has changed. We all have gone through incredibly bad things, and for a while I thought that life has finally won for us all. But six months ago the gates of hell itself has been opened again. Joel is different nowadays." Aleksi sighed deeply after that. I understood him, and I feel the exact same. Aleksi seemed to be truly tired to this situation, I am too. This is exhausting.

"He's always been a bit dramatic and he takes things heavily. But I know that he really loved Freya, and it broke his heart in pieces when she left. I know how it feels when someone you love isn't suddenly there anymore..." I talked quieter as I stared at my hands.

"That's a thing you can't compare, Joonas." Aleksi sighed. I nodded and quickly I tried to lighten the mood.
"I know. Joel is just Joel, and if he doesn't want to move on, it's his decision. But he has to know that we can't continue our band stuff if he can't let the anger go." I spilled out. Maybe it was an accident, I really didn't mean to say it like that. But it's too late now. I was silent, and so was Aleksi. Slowly I moved my head to the left, and my eyes met immediately his. He looked shocked. I didn't even dare to blink.

"You.. what? Are you saying that if Joel isn't going to change his attitude.. the band will fall apart?" Aleksi's tone was a bit shaky and his eyes wandered around. I swallowed.
"No.. not that. Just.. I'm not going on tours with him if he's not going to forget it. We planned the european tour, but it didn't work out after all and I'm so mad about it. Then we decided to take a small vacation so Olli could be there for Eevi and their baby and we would write new music and stuff. And the vacation is just continuing!" I suddenly almost shouted. I didn't mean to do that either. I was just so frustrated.
Aleksi was silent first, and he was suprised by my reaction. I understand, I'm suprised too.

"Let's just wish that everything goes well in friday. After that we should discuss about the upcoming tours and gigs, okay?" He comforted me. Suddenly I felt much better, and smiling I nodded to him. He smiled too.

I threw my keys to my kitchen table, and then I let out a loud yawn. After that I stood there silent, in my silent apartment.. in silence. My eyes wandered around, and I was kinda admiring how I've decorated this apartment. I was proud of myself, so I started smiling as I placed my hands on my hips.
"You're so professional Joonas..." I said to myself.
Then I went to the fridge and opened it, there wasn't much to eat or drink, so I only shrugged my shoulders and took some protein drink. I closed the door, and then I studied the strange bottle in my hand. Why I even have this? I thought as I frowned. But then I remembered Olli. He suggested that poison drink to me, I don't know how long it has been there. But I guess it's drinkable.
I shaked it for a moment as I leaned against the kitchen table with my other hand.

It's kinda lonely living alone.. or very fucking lonely if I'm honest. But I can't do anything about it. I can't have pets, or I could but.. ugh too much responsibility. It's enough for me to see Rommi and Rilla sometimes.
I opened the bottle and first I took a sniff. It smelt good, like strawberry.
Bravely I took one big sip of it, and when I swallowed it, I had to scrunch my nose and cough.
"The fuck..." I closed my eyes from disgust.

"Olli you fucking bastard." I cursed like he would hear me. I opened my eyes, and the very first thing I saw was a quick flash right in front of me.
A flash.. a figure.. but it wasn't any kind of shadow or figure.

It was Saga.

I dropped the bottle down to the floor as I flinched, my heart was beating fastly. It all happened so quickly that I wasn't even sure if it was real at all.
I had to press my back against the wall, and I took couple deep breaths.
I didn't dare to say anything. I was too.. afraid. And confused.
But it was her! I swear I saw her. Brown hair, grey eyes and those dark circles under her eyes.
But it was so quick flash. I don't know if I was more afraid or.. suprised in a good way.

I let my body slide down to the floor, some company to that horrible tasting protein drink would probably be good after my violent act to it.
But my eyes were glued to that spot where I saw her. I clearly saw her. And I fucking got scared. But why I even saw her like she.. like she was real for a second.
Am I finally going mad since I've been living alone for some time?

"What is this..." I shook my head weakly. Slowly I dared to stand up from the floor, I took the bottle from the ground and placed it to the sink. Then I took some paper towel, I turned around and kneeled to the ground. I started wiping, and my eyes were glued to the pink stuff in my floor.

Suddenly I saw some movement in front of me, so I freezed. I still stared at the floor, I didn't dare to move.
I lifted my eyes only a little bit, and I saw pair of bare feet in front of me. My eyes widened open, I was sweating.
I closed my eyes quickly, I wanted this to be over. Am I dreaming? This can't be real. It can't!
I was breathing heavily, I was too scared to open my eyes.

"Joonas.. Joonas..." It was clearly Saga's voice whispering, sounding weak and panicked. I opened my eyes and looked up, but it.. she, wasn't there anymore. My voice was stuck in my throat, one tear left from my other eye. It was her voice.
I was about to say something, but then I thought of how crazy this might look and be. I decided to stay silent as I wiped that tear away, my legs were too weak to lift me up.
I remained calm as I sat there for an hour, trying to understand what I experienced. Was it even real?

Joonas seeing Saga. This is just a beginning...
Thank you for all the comments and votes, I'm suprised of how many readers there is already <3
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Stay safe and strong, sending hugs🖤