Every Memory Repeats

Chapter 2

Marlena heard the buzz of her intercom, and glanced quickly at the clock. She hadn't realized how much time had passed. Her secretary's voice came over the speaker, "Dr. Evans, your appointment is here."

Wiping at her cheeks fiercely, Marlena replied, "Just a moment, I'll be out." Dashing into her restroom, she checked her make-up, ensuring that her mascara hadn't run down her face, and quickly came out to get John for his appointment.

When the door closed behind him, and he eyed her carefully. She'd been crying. He could tell. Closing the distance between them, John asked her, "What's wrong?"

Marlena looked away, and walked towards her desk, sitting behind it. Her desk had become her emotional armor. "Nothing. I'm fine. Are you ready to begin?"

"No," he said, stepping behind her desk and staring down at her. "Somethings wrong. You're lying to me."

"Nothing is wrong, John," she said, reaching for her tape recorder.

He knelt before her, spinning her chair to face him - forcing her to look at him. "Doc. Don't lie to me."

She found herself getting lost in his deep blue gaze. "It's nothing."

"Nothing? I don't think so. Not if it has you crying," he said quietly. He wiped her cheeks with his thumbs when two more tears slid over her cheeks. "We're still friends aren't we?"

"Yes, but my problems with Roman aren't... I-I shouldn't be discussing them with you—"

"—are you having problems with Roman, Doc?"

"John... it's not proper for me to be—"

"—I'm your friend first. Always your friend first. You can talk to me, because I know you, you're bottling it all up inside you." John reached for her hand. "C'mon. Talk to me."

Marlena threw his hand off of her, and pushed her chair back, standing abruptly. She couldn't breath with him so close. Every breath was filled with the scent leather, cologne, and memories. Turning away from him, and gazing out her office window, she said, "I got into an argument with Roman this morning. It was nothing, really. He's—he's... frustrated."

John watched her, knowing that she was holding back, and censoring her words, but he didn't push her. His eyes followed the curve of her waist, and the way her jacket fit along the swell of her hips. He could imagine himself stepping behind her, and wrapping his arms around her shoulders; however, touching her right then wouldn't be a good idea. Not when he wanted to so badly.

"Our argument woke up Sami," Marlena nearly whispered. Turning to face John, she said, "This is all been so hard on the twins."

"Doc, it's been hard on all of us," John told her, standing where she'd left him when she'd vacated her chair.

"You're right. I know you're right, but Sami and Eric especially," she replied. She paused for a brief moment, before she asked him, "I was wondering if you might like to spend some time with them?"

"You already know the answer to that, Doc. Those are my kids. No matter what, those are my kids," John said. "Is that what your argument was about? My spending time with the Twinners?"

"Sami has been getting in trouble in school and Eric... well, Eric seems to be turning inward. I try to engage him, but both of them are struggling with losing you... I promised Sami I would arrange some time for them with you."

"I didn't make that choice, Doc," John said softly. "Staying away wasn't my choice!"

"I know. I know, and I thought that giving Roman time to form a relationship with them was a good idea at first, but the more I watch them... I realize it's not. They blame him for your absence, and they need you. You've been the one constant in their lives, and loving you doesn't take away from the love they could eventually feel for Roman," Marlena said.

"Is that how he sees it? Does he think their love for me detracts from his ability to form a relationship with them? Because that's ridiculous. You know that," John said, stepping closer to her. "The twinners have enough love to share."

"They're—they're pushing him away. They see Roman as the reason for losing you."

"Have they told you that?"

"Do they need to, John? It's obvious," Marlena said, brushing her hair from her forehead, and looking back out the window.

"I can speak with them about it." John went to stand in front of her. He smoothed his hands over her shoulders. "I can do that for them..." he told her softly, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. "I can do that for you. I can ask them to give Roman a chance."

"I'm not asking you to do that," Marlena told him. "I'm not trying to pull you into this."

"If Sami and Eric are hurting... I want to be pulled into this. I want to help them adjust," he said softly. "Those are my kids."

Marlena didn't correct him. Instead, she looked up at him, and whispered, "If you could. Maybe if they would..."

He would do anything for his family, and even though they were apart, Marlena and the twins were still his family. It hurt that he'd lost them. The pain was almost incapacitating at times, but he would do whatever he could to help them adjust to their new lives, even if that meant getting them to try and form relationships with Roman. 

"Doc, I don't like Roman. You know I don't... but I don't want Sami and Eric's adjustment to be difficult or painful. I don't want yours to be either." John's fingers rubbed a stray bit of Marlena's hair and then moved to fix the collar of her shirt. He watched the way his fingers barely grazed over her skin, and then he moved his hand away.

Shivering, she looked away, back out over the city, "I'm trying so hard to make this adjustment smooth for the children... for Roman..."

John whispered from behind her, "What about you?"

"What about me?" she asked him, as if her needs had never occurred to her.

"How are you adjusting, Doc? How are you handling this transition into a new life with Roman?"

"I'm... fine. I'm fine," she said, taking a step to move away from John. He was so close, and if she didn't step away, she would lean against him.

He stopped her, blocking her path with his arm, "You're not. I can see that."

"John, this is... this isn't something I should have discussed with you."

She was right. He knew she was. It was none of his business what she did or didn't do with Roman. It was none of his business, and yet, every night he wondered if Marlena was in bed with Roman. He wondered if Roman was kissing her, or running his hands over her body, and the thoughts nearly drove him mad. Rounding the desk, John took a seat on one end of the sofa, saying with some difficulty, "You're right. It's not my business... but if you ever need to talk, I'm available... you ready to get started?"