𝖘𝖎𝖝 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖒𝖚𝖘𝖎𝖈𝖆𝖑 || 𝖔𝖓𝖊 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖘

iii | lina + jane

"J-jane-"

"And before you have a go at me, yes, you're allowed to be in pain and angry your relationships haven't worked and upset we don't spend as much time as we used to together and grieving our relationship before I had Cathy and worried now I have the twins. And yes of course I want to help you. But you, you have to give too. You need to work on yourself and I can help you to the best of my abilities but I can't be giving up my marriage or my children twenty four seven. I need alone time with Cathy, I need alone time with the twins and I need alone time with you. And sometimes I just need alone time," she let out a breath, "Listen Lina, I know, I know it's hard. I do. And I'm sorry that life hasn't treated you the way it should have. And i know it might not feel this way but you have not been replaced. But Li, oh crap i don't know how to say this, Li, I can't always be here. I've always wanted to be a mum and now I finally am, you know how important that is to me." Jane reached for my hands but I flinched, and she took hers back. At this point her voice was less desperate, although I can't imagine how she was feeling, I also don't have the emotional intelligence to be able to figure it out. "And listen to me, someone, somewhere, you're going to make ever so happy. And I can't imagine how upsetting it is because Cathy and I are very affectionate with one another, but that's just us and our love language. "I know there is a beautiful woman out there, you've just got to go and find her," she pulled her sleeve over her hand, wiping her own eyes, then holding it up to mine. I don't move. So she wipes mine too. "I'm always going to be here Lina but you've got to let me be here and you need to communicate with me more. Tell me how your feeling. Tell me these things and we can work it out. Don't bottle it up then this happens, then we fight then we both feel like shit, eh?" She managed a chuckle, then gestured me to follow her into the kitchen. "I'm sorry I snapped back Li," she whispered as her hand curled around the kettle handle.

"I'm sorry I snapped first," I whispered back, pushing myself onto the kitchen side. "I understand if you want a new best friend," I swing my foot up onto the side too, curling my arms around my shin and resting my cheekbone gently on my knee.

"That's where you getting me wrong Li, I don't want a new best friend. I want you. We've been through tons of shit together. I couldn't imagine anyone else as my best friend, not even Cathy. I know, I know its hard to believe. And I know it must be hard now I have to share my attention, but please believe me when I say I want to give it to you,"

"Jane I-I don't have anyone else," I manage to push out, my throat drying as I do. "I only have you, no one's wanted me like you, I miss being your everything. I miss feeling special, I miss it Jane, i miss you." I whisper back, the honestly tightening my neck.

"Lina baby," She whispers back, removing her hands from all the kitchen utensils and turning around to me, but I shake my head, I don't want her pity, I want her love. "Lina baby, I'm here. I'm here and i love you. I can't give you every waking minute any more but please tell me what I can do, to make you feel my love." I let her hug me. Mainly because I'm too scared to push her away, more scared of that then letting her get close.

"Why doesn't anyone want a second date with me? Why can't a single person at work call me for something non work related? Why are you the only person nice enough to let me do those things like go out with you or invite me on holiday? On my birthday i got five notifications, three of them were random offers from shops I signed up at, one was from you and the other was a reminder to drink water," I mumbled into her grey pyjamas.

"Lina baby, I'm going to make an appointment for you to talk to someone professional about this. Don't argue with me because this is important. But I'm going to be here the whole time I promise. I just need you to communicate with me more. Of course, i'll ask questions I just need good descriptive answers. I also need you to find me when you feel at your worst if I'm not around, okay?" I just nod. "Right, I'm going to stay with you until 10, then I'm going to go up, talk to Cathy about something, not related to this, don't worry," she took my hand "Then I'm going to check on my children, read them a story, then I'll come back and see how you're doing. Listen to me Lina, I'm always going to come back, I promise," she put her finger under my chin, forcing my head up to look at her, "Miss Aragon, tell me you know I'll always come back for you,"

"I know you'll always come back," I whispered, my heart believing it but my head not quite.

"Catalina my darling, I will. And I know you feel resentful of Cathy, because you feel she's taking me away from you, but she loves you too, not as much as I do but you're still important to her. And you have a choice with the twins. You can be an amazing aunt. Spending time with them and me at the same time. They'll grow up to adore you. Just need to put the time and effort in. And as their mum, that would mean so much to me also. So if you aren't doing it for yourself, or for the twins, would you do it for me?" I can't not say yes to that gentle tone. I can't lose Jane. She's like my little sister. I can't loose my little sister. So i just nod again, not really having the energy to speak, so let Jane take over. "Thank you." She turns back to the kettle, gently wrapping her tiny palms around the handle, picking it up and dangling it to pour two cups of boiling water. "You know, I don't know much about science. But love is like the universe. I think. When Cathy came into my life, the amount of love I have for you never changed. I just had double the amount of love in my heart. And now the twins are here, the amount of love I have for you, and Cathy, is still the same. It doesn't have to be redistributed when a new person comes into my life. Okay maybe my time does, but my love doesn't. And on the time thing. The twins are babies. They need mine, and Cathy's, full attention a lot of the time. Not because we love them the most but because they are fully physically and emotionally dependent on us both. And Cathy and I will be tired and probably not ourselves and don't take this the wrong way but we probably won't have the time for you now not because we don't want to, but because we likely won't have any time for ourselves. Now as hard as it is if you distance yourself from me, I'm going to be pissed. Come just randomly cuddle with me if you need it, maybe let me have a shower or cook us dinner and we can eat it together. Just for the next few months. Then when the twins start needing us less, then we can resort back to doing things we actually would love to do. Because as much as I need my wife during these times, and she'll need me, I'm also going to need, and want, my best friend. So help me out, while the babies are completely ruling mine and Cathy's life. Cathy's even offered to look after them on her own every now and again so we can go out, do something just us." She reached for a tea bag, placing it in the yellow cup, before wandering off to the fridge. "Lina promise me you're going to talk to me? About anything? I would say pick your moments wisely, maybe not while i'm trying to calm a screaming baby. But if i'm cuddling with Cathy or making dinner or anything like that, come find me, yeah? Or at least text me and i'll come find you." She put the milk on the side, before turning her head, giving me a small smile before reaching for my hair. "Things are going to change, and yeah, things will be scary, but not everything. I'll be right here to face you with it," she dropped the strand she was playing with lightly from her grasp, and pulled her arm back. She turned back, to face the mugs and add a small spoon of sugar to my cup. "Lina, my love," she swirled the tea around. "I'll make that call tonight, because I fear this is more deeply rooted than just your best friend having a baby. But I'm going to keep fighting for you, but you've got to keep fighting for me too, you understand?" To which I just nod again, watching her pick up both mugs, passing the yellow one, filled with tea to me, and keeping the grey one to herself.

"You're irreplaceable to me Lina. And I promise that will forever be that way. And one day, you're going to meet someone who's going to feel the exact same way, but more romantically than our as in sisters way." She giggles, trying to get a giggle from me, but i barely complied. "I promise. People just can't see it at the minute and I don't know why, but you are one of the most beautiful, kind, gentle woman I've ever met. And anyone who can't see that is an idiot thats missing out on a friendship with the sweetest person I've ever met. I love you Li,  I love you so much. And I'll be back soon to check on you, yeah?" She sipped her cup of pure hot water. Pick a film and I'll come watch some with you. I'm shattered though so I'm not sure how much I'll actually watch, but I'll be here, might be asleep but I'll be with you. Just like as kids, yeah?"

I nod, managing the only smile I had that day. "Thanks Jane," A whisper floats from my lips, "Thank you, so much,"

"No problem Cariño," I always forget she speaks Spanish until she does, then I'm always astound because she learnt it for me.  "Time me, I'll be 20 minutes, max,"

"Okay Jane, okay," i giggle, setting the timer up on my phone.

a/n

word count (of just the one shot) : 2679
of all the characters i thought i'd be projecting my issues onto, lina is not who i thought it would be but lol what can you do