Aimless (JJBA)

21 It Hurts

Kakyoin couldn't hold it in much longer. His tense body fell apart as his body trembled with sobs.

Was Kakyoin opposed to this relationship because his past failed relationships? Did they just leave him while also blaming him? Was this why Kakyoin never talked about his relationships?

"Nori, I'm sorry you had to go through that," Jotaro whispered. He continued to hold Kakyoin in his arms. He didn't know what else to say. He had his own problems to deal with, that he didn't think Kakyoin's ran as deep. He didn't have the words to say how bad he felt for him. He rubbed his hand between Kakyoin's shoulder blades gently like Kakyoin had done for him.

They stayed like that for a while before Kakyoin pulled him from his embrace. He wiped the tears from his wet face. "Sorry," he said with a empty chuckle. "It's unusual for me to get like that." He always had his composure in check.

Jotaro said, "Don't apologize. You have feelings too."

"And so do you," Kakyoin said. "I feel like I have been playing you. Another thing they've said. I am manipulative." He averted his gaze in shame. "I should apologize for that."

"And I forgive you," he replied. "Just-."

"God, Jojo," Kakyoin said as he reached for his face. "You are too nice." He wiped the tears from Jotaro's face. "Seriously. You were crying because I hurt you, and you're just going to forgive me just like that." He sighed. He stared up into Jotaro's eyes as if he was searching for an unasked question.

Jotaro wasn't sure how to respond to that.

Kakyoin's hand went from his face to his hair. He said, "I'm not sure if you noticed, but you stopped wearing your hat so much. I got to see more of your emotions. It's a wonder how I missed your pain." He combed his hand through his usually covered hair. "Is it because you feel less need to ease your anxiety?"

Jotaro hadn't noticed.

"I hope so," he continued. "Jojo, I'm sorry I hurt you. I shouldn't have projected my past lover's fault onto you."

Jotaro said, "It's okay."

Kakyoin said with a soft smile, "No it's not. The fact that you had to go to other men for comfort from me, is not okay." He noticed the puzzled look grew on Jotaro's face. "I just noticed that you went to them because I kept leading you on, just to drop you over and over again. Don't let your love for me cloud your judgement. You were already hurting enough. For some reason, I just thought giving in to your cravings would help you, but of course it wouldn't. That's not how mental health works. You even told me that in tears." He grimaced. "Once again, I'm sorry." There was so much remorse in the apology.

Jotaro nodded. He opened his mouth as the question he asked before popped back into his head, but he stopped himself. What are we to each other? Maybe it was something he shouldn't ask him at the moment.

"I know I left you hanging with that question about what we are," Kakyoin said, seeing Jotaro's hesitation. "I'm sorry, but I don't have an answer yet. Give me time, okay?"

Jotaro nodded again.

"I won't keep you waiting too long," he continued. "I don't want you to hurt longer than you have to." He pulled his hand from Jotaro's hair. "But until then, I won't touch you romantically. You deserved to be loved wholeheartedly."

Jotaro nodded once again. He couldn't say any louder than a whisper, "Okay."

Then Jotaro's cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and saw his daughter's name on it. He gulped. He didn't think that he could talk at this moment. So many emotions were flowing through him, but he did want to apologize for the other day.

He continued to stare at the phone until it finished ringing. He decided to send a text to her saying: 'Sorry, I'll call you later.'

Kakyoin asked, "Do you want to finish the movie?" He point at the television with the screensaver indicating that the movie has been paused for so long.

Jotaro shook his head no. He said quietly, "I need to talk to Jojo."

"Okay," Kakyoin said as he reached over to pat him on the shoulder.

Jotaro got up and left to go to his room. He had so many strong emotions from the interaction. He felt respected from Kakyoin's conclusion and apology, but he still wanted him and his love.

When he finally closed the door behind him, he called Jolyne.

"Hi, dad."

"Hey, Jojo."

A brief moment of silence.

"I need to apologize," Jotaro said. "I-."

"No, you don't," she said. "You were having a bad day."

"But that doesn't mean I had put this all on you," he said. "You're my daughter, and I'm supposed to be taking care of you."

"But who's going to take care you?"

"That doesn't matter," he said. "I hurt you, and I never want to do that again." He remembered the sound of her crying through the door. It hurt his chest just thinking about it. "I never want to make you cry, and I'm sorry for that."

"It's okay," she replied. "I was just so worried about losing you again."

"You won't have to worry anymore," Jotaro said.