Judging Me | On Hold

{Chapter 17}

None of us make an effort to get up and leave until our mum's weak smile turns into a deathly glare.

"Go," she says sharply.

The three of scramble to our feet, heading towards the door. We get out of the suffocating room, the sound of a door shutting and clicking into place is heard.

The bright light blinds my sore eyes.

As my eyes begin to adjust, I realise that Humayrah and Husnain are still here. I can't help but notice that Humayrah is startled by my terrible condition.

"Why are you two still here, you should have went home," i say, in a hoarse and monotone voice.

Husnain trying to ease the tension but obviously fails, and ends up earning several glares from both Humayrah and Adnaan.

Humayrah oviously curious and worried about her best friend asks,

"Oh Syeda, you look terrible, what happened?"

I opens my mouth to say something, but no sound comes out except for a cry. I burst into tears, overwhelmed with so much emotions.

Adnaan and Osman hold on to me, stopping my fall, they look away clearly trying their utmost best to not end up in the same position as me, whilst tears are endlessly streaming down their face. As people pass by, they cast us pitiful looks.

Humayrah panickly tries calming me down with soothing words:

"Oh my Allah! I'm so sorry," she says dashing to my side, shoving and pushing Adnaan away.

"I didn't mean to say that," she shrieks in a high pitch voice.

"Don't cry, please don't cry, otherwise i will cry too," she says her eyes starting to fill with water.

I start wiping my tears because i know if Humayrah starts crying nothing is going to stop me or her.

"You don't need to tell me now, tell me when your ready, take your time," she softly, rubbing her eyes, a line of water dragging as her eyelashes stick together from water.

~After a few good minutes of silence~

"We should get going and so should you two," say Adnaan, holding onto both of my shoulders as if i would wither away in his hands.

"Okay then, Assalamualykum," Husnain says, glancing at me briefly, as he and Humayrah start walking away, but not before hearing a 'wa'laykumusalam' from Adnaan.

We walk closely behind them, the entrance coming into view. We enter the car park and procede to Adnaan's car.

It must've rained, puddles are everywhere, the clouds are cleared out and a lone moon hangs in the sky, with tiny stars dotted around it.

I sit in the back of the car, straping on my seat belt, as i lean back into the soft, plump fabric.

Adnaan starts the car, my thoughts going back to Baba. I don't notice that we are home until the rumbling of the car ubruptly stops.

We go inside the house, which is creeply quiet and suddenly seeming dull.

"We should pray 'Isha, then eat," says Adnaan lifelessly. He takes out a prayer mat and spreads it onto the living room floor, whilst me and Osman walk upstairs to our own rooms to pray in.

I close the door behind me, sliding down to the floor. My eyes sting with tears, a river washes down on me. My lips quiver, no sound comes out and i feel numb, i feel so numb.

I pray a silent prayer in my head before getting my prayer mat to start praying

Ya Allah, you are the All-Healing, the Ash-Shaafee. Please keep my father safe, please heal him, i don't know what i would do without him. Please, i know one day he's going to have to go but please, please, please don't make it now, please. Ameen.

I recite my niyyah for 'Isha and raise my hands just below my shoulders,

Allahuakbr

~After praying 'Isha~

I descend down the stairs, the smell of heated food just coming out of the microwave and the closing of the microwave door is heard.

The three of us sit down on the floor, a heated plate of rice with chicken saalan at the top with salad at the side. We begin eating, the sound of metal spoons making contact with a glass plate, fills the house.

We don't talk.

We just eat.

We don't look at each other.

We just eat.

We don't smile at each other.

We just eat.

When we finished eating,

We don't talk.

We don't look ate each other.

We dont smile.

We just go to our rooms.

Closing the door behind me, i change my clothes into pyjamas. Taking out the first aid box from underneath my bed. I inspect my bruises, the medicine did a good job in heeling. The only thing left is a patch a shade or two darker than my skin. I apply a much less stronger medication onto my bruises and hop into bed after closing the lights.

But sleep is too far away, way too far away. I close my eyes, trying summon sleep but all the tiredness i had a few minutes ago dissolved and disappeared into thin air.

After a few minutes of trying, i fling off my covers and get out of the warmth of my bed. I go to the toilet, performing my whudu. Drying my face with a towel, i spread my prayer mat on the floor. I begin to pray with the intention of praying tahajjud.

Allahuakbr