SERENDIPITY | bxb.

three.

I don't feel the world around me.

Every voice is inaudible, and I can vaguely see where I am going. There's a striking irritation from the bright lights above me, and I can't help but feel as if I'm being jabbed by a crowd of millions and called by all the voices around me. I immediately shut my eyes and stand in my place until I calm down, avoiding having a panic attack in front of everyone.

It's not fun being autistic.

Faintly, I hear steps approach me from behind. Math is right around the corner, and it seems someone caught up to me in time. I can't tell if they're approaching me, or simply walking by.

"Hey, how you feel? You okay" the person asks.

It's Caiden.

"About what?"

He laughs for a moment before it quickly dies. "I was gonna ask about about my friends, but you seem... dizzy?"

I stumble for a moment and avoid his latter observation. "Um, they're really cool. I like them." I can't see the look on his face, but he sounds concerned.

"I'm just worried about you, now. Like, yeah, you should come hang out with us more," he says. "But I wanna know what's wrong."

I feel a spike of aggression rise, and grab my head in my hands. There is a poking sensation and it disturbs me to an unwanted degree. "Nothing! It's just the lights!" I moan, covering my face.

Caiden rubs my back and says some things that I don't hear. His words linger around as background noise. I don't know what exactly to do here. I feel like the world is about to combust below my feet, and that there is no one, but me, doing anything about it.

Regarding his friends, I didn't expect for them to like me, and I don't know if I have the energy to hang out with them. It all feels so daunting. After sitting with Caiden's circle, I couldn't help but feel quite dazed. It seems my social battery is drained after spending a lot of time with other people. As much as I enjoyed my time with them, it is still a heavy presence in my mind; to spend time with other people and constantly must think of what to say in response to what's being spoken to me.

"Zaya?"

I snap out of my haze and bring his words to the foreground. I take a deep breath and calm down. "I'm okay. I'm okay."

Caiden smiles. "You're very strong, Zaya."

I give him a weak smile. We walk into math class and take our seats. This time, Aaliyah sits next to us. I smile and wave in her direction.

.

Lunch comes around, and I exert all the energy I have left as I push the door open to the school's music room. During math class, I had a nice conversation with Aaliyah, and we talked about our religion and our different customs as Muslims. It was refreshing to speak to someone who knows my way of life.

In the music room, there's few people, and the quiet calms me. I walk over to the keyboard in the corner and take a seat, allowing myself to rest as I hold my head in my hands. I rest my hands on the piano, thinking of what to play, as I slowly move my hands to the keys of Janet Jackson's Again, one of my favourite ballads. I wasn't the best at playing the piano, but I could form a tune—my musical talent was mostly dancing and choreography.

"I love that song."

I look up, in shock, to find Zion before me, standing over me with what seems to be his signature smile. I wish I had it in me to smile so casually. But his presence causes the edge of my lips to turn up. "You like Janet?"

"She's cool," Zion says, taking a seat next to me. I immediately wish he didn't come over here. His presence feels so uncomfortably warm, and it almost sucks me in. If I had no control, I would wrap my arms around him, and fall into the abyss he was. And the crazy part was, I almost did hence my discomfort.