starlight - jaylor AU

we can just be friends

Taylor is something I didn't expect to run into here, I didn't expect a girl to capture my attention. But I don't want to mess up our growing friendship with asking her out. What if she isn't interested at all? And she is my roommate's ex-girlfriend, that complicates things. When harry wasn't in the room I snooped on his wall of pictures over his bed, and I spotted several pictures with her. He is clearly still in love with her, and I don't know if the feelings are mutual or not. The last thing I want is to create drama for them, so I will keep my growing crush to myself. She doesn't seem cozy with him though, I'm not blind, I can tell she keeps her distance.

**

After classes I hit the gym on the 22nd floor of our building. Its open to all the residents at the residence hall we live on. I want to get the most out of a free place to work out. It cuts down on cost that I might have used to get a gym membership. I do have a monthly allowance from my parents, I'm fortunate enough that I didn't have to take up loans for expenses, but I still like to keep my expenses down if I can. It does help that I'm a scholarship student, I got it for my talent. I didn't really realize that they saw something in me that even deserved that honor, but I'm grateful for it. They made it clear with the scholarship that they wanted me at their school, and I would be a fool to turn it down.

Stepping into the gym I see Taylor running on a treadmill, so I take the one next to her. Tapping her shoulder she pulls out her earbuds and slow down her running. «You're everywhere today» she grins at me, and I chuckle «I'm a stalker, didn't you know? I'm a scary stalker that follow the beautiful singer around all day»

I don't think she means too, but she blushes, and I didn't actually mean to flirt, but I guess I did. Even though I've made myself promise to myself I won't make a move, I can't keep some stuff to myself. Its damn hard when you have someone like her around you. Selena is beautiful too, Taylors roommate, but I'm not attracted to her or any other girl in this school like I'm attracted to Taylor. But she is the one girl I don't think I have a shot with, at least not know. I need to see some hint from her that she is interested too before I dare to ask her out. If I ask her out and she turns me down things will be awkward, and I don't want to deal with that, and it will mess up our blossoming friendship. Not to mention it will cause tension between me and harry.

«Well, you're not a scary stalker, so I guess I will deal with it. do you want to run intervals with me? I mean, if you can keep up with me that is» she says, and I take that challenge. I can't turn her down, so I try to keep up. She has a tall body, but is visibly thin, so I'm impressed she runs so fast. I hate to admit it, but she gives me a run for my money on this.

**

Its game night at the community room in the residence tonight. There are several community rooms, but as far as I know they try to have activities to crate friendships between the students. I think it's a good idea, so I took a shower and headed down there. Taylor said she would be down here too, so that may or may not be a motivation too.

She and Selena is at the Ping-Pong table when I get there, with other people around, so I head over there. Both of them are pretty good, but Taylor loses to Selena.

- Taylors Pov -

I'm slightly dizzy after playing Ping-Pong after a workout, so I head over to where my sugar free Gatorade is to get some energy in me. I pushed myself on the treadmill today because Joe was there joining me. I'm not exactly encouraged to work out by my therapist and doctors, but what they don't know can't hurt them. It's not like I'm being irresponsible, I'm eating. I even added guacamole to my bowl for dinner. That's mostly why I had to run, I felt the extra calories seeping into my body and I couldn't deal with it. I want to be able to handle it, but I'm not there yet that I feel like I can. Someday I will be able to, but today wasn't that day.

«Taylor, can we talk» harry says as he comes over to me and I tense. I knew he would get me alone at some point, and I can't keep avoiding him. It seems like he gets along with the people I get along with, so looks like we are going to be in the same friend group. I promised myself earlier that I wouldn't create drama.

«Sure harry» we head over to a couch in the corner where no one is sitting. Everyone that's here are surrounding the Ping-Pong table, billiard table, or the gaming console on the tv. Its game night and everyone seems to be enjoying it.

«It's nice to see you, it was a long summer without you» he says, and I sit down with a deliberate space between us. Getting too close will give mixed signals, and I'm not about to give him any. «It's good to see you too, you look like you're settling here well»

«I am, especially now that I get to be around you again. I.... I'm hoping you can give me another chance. We were good together Taylor, remember how good things were?» He says and I bite my lip and look away. «I'm sorry harry, I'm not looking for a relationship right now. And I can't... I just can't. What I said when we broke up still stands, I need to prove to myself I can be on my own and not lean on you. I need to be able to stand on my own two feet. We can be friends though; we have mutual friends now and we were best friends once upon a time»

I do miss having him as my best friend, I could tell him anything. At a point in time him and my brother were my only friends, and I could tell them both anything. It was comforting having harry, I knew he was always there for me. And when I was in the hospital, even before we started dating, he was there for me. I can't express how much his support have meant to me over the years, and we have known each other since we were seven years old, and he joined the theatre I was in too. I don't know exactly when I started to have romantic feelings for him, but I did at some point, and he became my everything. He was my first love and that's not something you can forget. But I needed to let it go so I could stand on my own. It was something me and my therapist decided together was the best thing for me. I can't lean on other people for my happiness for the rest of my life, I need to learn to take care of myself.

«Don't give me a definitive answer now Taylor, please. Let me show you that things can be different this time. Let's go back to being friends and see how things are. I still love you, and I can't stop that just because we broke up. I was your best friend for years; you know me, and I know you. I don't want to lose that; I don't want to lose you» he is getting emotional and I'm getting uncomfortable. I don't want to cause a scene here in front of all these people, I can't deal with that now.

«Look, let's be friends harry. Honestly that's all I can offer you now. I don't want to string you along and have you wait for me, because I'm not ready for a relationship now and I don't know when or if I will ever be able to. I don't want to give you false hope here and keep you from falling in love with someone else» I want him to be happy, and I wouldn't mind having him as a friend today. But I don't want to lead him on either, it wouldn't be fair on either one of us. He deserves to find happiness with someone that can love him like he deserves to be loved, and that's not me.

«I can't fall for anyone else, but if friendship is all I can have right now I'll take it. Please just stop avoiding me. I promise I won't make an inappropriate move or anything, but I can't handle you freezing me out. Let's be friends» he says, and I can agree to that. I have been giving him a cold shoulder because I didn't want him to think I was ready to be in a relationship right now, I didn't want to give him false hope.

«Friends, and only friends. I want to be crystal clear about that because it's not fair on either one of us to not be. We can be friends» I don't know how much clearer I can say it, but I just want him to understand it clearly.

I also have a crush on someone else, and it's giving me butterflies. joe excites me from the little conversations we have had. And I haven't felt this was in a long time, not since things started to turn into something else with harry. But I don't know if it's a two-way street though, so I'm keeping it to myself. And I don't know how I could act on it without being a dick to harry either. He was my best friend, and I wouldn't want to deliberately hurt him. I still care about him, but just as a friend.

***

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