𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐀𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

FORTY

Vivianne

"You're not focused, Herida! You're not focused! Wrong day to not have your head in the game! You don't wanna beat the Bears for real! You're telling them they're more tough than you!" Coach Wang shouted as I dove for another ball, calling out 'Mine', and missed it.

She was right.

My mind was on the moment Constance and I had last night. She was so eager to pick things up where they left off and I wasn't sure what I wanted anymore. So much of this shit circled back around to Izzy. I wasn't gonna be playing nice with her once I got back to Houston. She wanted to be petty and I could be too.

"Vee," Constance grabbed me out of the game. I was panting, soaked in sweat in our typical practice gear as I stood on the side of the volleyball court in the practice gym. The college we were playing at let us and the Bears practice inside in separate spaces a few hours before we'd officially play each other.

You could hear the echo of their coach yelling at them when it was really quiet in here.

"Yeah?" I looked up at Constance trying to catch my breath.

"You needa focus. I shouldn't have brought up what I did last night. I'm sorry. But you gotta get your head in the game for your team," she told me lowly.

"Everything's always for other people, right?" I asked her, my chest rising and falling. I didn't wait for her answer as I jogged back out onto the court.

"Who are we?" Precious yelled.

"We're the cubs!" we shouted back, everyone running back into their playing positions.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. We're about to play.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to tune out the noise of the crowd and focus on the darkness I saw.

Serve. Spike. Hit. Defend. Call the ball. Under the ball. Wrists firm. Eyes on the ball. No eye contact.

Don't touch the net.

"Okay, Herida. I'm puttin' you up first to serve," Coach Wang snapped me out of my thinking.

I opened my eyes, calming myself down and catching a reassuring smile that Constance sent me from the bleachers.

"I'm ready," I stood up.

And then we won. Back to back points against a team like that? We showed our asses out on that court. I knew everybody on my team was hungry for blood.

At the end, after we had all congratulated each other, everyone's parents or relatives who could make it came out of the bleachers and congratulated us too.

"I'm so proud of you, Vee," my mother hugged me, my father hanging awkwardly behind her. My aunt and uncle were going to come, but I guess my parents decided it'd be best if they did with the two free tickets Coach gave us.

"Where's your hotel?" my dad asked.

"I don't know. I have to ask Coach," I told him.

I saw Con wanting to approach me, then seeing my parents she shot me a shy wave and headed with the rest of the team following behind Coach Wang.

"I'll go ask now."

"How long will you guys be staying for? Your father and I have to go back to Houston tonight," my mother said.

"We leave Sunday afternoon. So we should be back in Houston before 12," I informed them.

"We'll walk with you to the bus."

Being around my parents reminded me of all the tense moments that had cropped up because of Izzy's choice. But being with my aunt and uncle really made me reflect on the person I was choosing to be now.

"I wanted to apologize to you and Mom," I said, looking at my dad first. "I know I gave you guys hell and I'm payin' for it-

"That isn't the reason why we sent you away with your relatives. It wasn't punishment," my mother stated, at the same time as my father grunted, "it was so you could realize how much we loved you."

"So...I can come back?"

My mother and my father shared a look.

"We still have a lot to think about as far as that. I would want you to be a good role model to the baby..."

And what were they?

All the arguing and the judgment.

"Things have been confirmed...for your new child?" I asked, my expression hard. I thought I felt better as far as my new sibling. What changed?

"Yes. Once the baby's born- girl or boy, we'll be able to keep 'em. The mother doesn't want to be apart of the baby's life," my mom added.

"Mm," I shrugged.

Throw me out and welcome someone else in, huh?

We were at the bus and the rest of my teammates were filing in. Coach Wang stood by the front, laughing it up with parents, a smile on her face instead of her usual RBF.

"Will I be able to see it?"

"Your new sibling? Of course," my mother immediately said. "I mean, you'll always be welcome to come over-

"But not to stay. Got it," I finished for her. I headed to the bus. "See you guys back in Houston...for the graduation, right?" I didn't wait for their response as I went relatively to the seat I had sat in on the other bus.

"What'd you say to them?" Kynlee asked, standing up in the aisle stretching. We both looked out the windows that I knew they couodn't see in trhough.

"How I felt." In the moment.

"They look sad," she commented.

I frowned, wanting to say some things back.

"Whatever," I shrugged, trying to push down the emotions I didn't want to feel.

"Vee."

"Hey Constance," I said, my tone sad as I sat down.

"You guys did great out there? Wassup?"

"Talked with my parents, that's all," I shrugged.

"They were bein' asses, or sumin?" she asked.

"No...I think it was me this time. I just don't get why the want another child. And why they don't wanna be around me," I frowned.

"Maybe because you guys need to rebuild your relationship. Whatever you might have done to get them to not trust you, it still must matter a lot to them. Maybe you'll get back what you had before...or something like it once you guys face the issue."

I thought about what Constance said.

"I've already faced it and decided what I was gonna do about it. But my parents don't know that...I guess it's time for me to prove that I'm a better person now. Even if it feels like it sucks."

Constance gave me a soft smile. "And maybe one day we could talk about what happened between us..."

"There you are, Vee. Your parents just wanted me to tell you goodbye for them," Coach Wang said, coming down the aisle.

"Thanks Coach." I glanced over at Con seated besides me. "I think I'll actually go and give them my goodbye myself."

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