starlight - jaylor AU

moving

«We will keep our sessions, but now via skype since you will be away in New York» I don't want to be the weird kid that hide away in her room to have therapy sessions. this is supposed to be a fresh start for me, where I can be the person, I want to be without having my past breathing down my neck. I have a roommate, so I have no idea how I'm going to explain this to her. I don't want to be known as the anorexic girl, it's not who I am. If people know they might only see me as that, just like the people here. It's my secret, I'm not letting it out. If I keep this away from the other students I might be accepted as just another student, not the girl with all the issues.

«Sure, I will try to make time» more like I will try to find a way to get out of this.

**

I take my car and drive home after the session. It's exhausting to sit there for an hour to talk. Its more depressing than anything else, I wish I could just move on and not deal with any of this. And it's not like I'm dying anymore anyway, I'm fine. This change in my life will be good for me, moving is good. In New York no one knows me, I can be who I want to be and not the person everyone at school here painted me as.

Getting home I see that neither of my parents are here, and my brother is probably on the football field as always. Austin is two years younger than me, but often acts as my older brother anyway. He is a pain in the ass, but I love him. When I was really sick, he visited me almost every day even if he should be home and working on schoolwork. His argument to our parents was that he could take his schoolbooks with him and do it with me, so that's what we did. he was my best friend growing up, and still is. I've never had friends at School, so for most of my life my brother has been all I've had... until harry, but he didn't attend the same school as me anyway.

Walking up to my room it has a few open suitcases and a couple of boxes that's ready to go tomorrow morning. It's a three-and-a-half-hour ride, so not that bad. My dad is taking the day off work to come with me, and my brother decided to join our road trip too. It will be my last moments with my dad and brother for a while, which is sad. But I will see them at thanksgiving.

My family is anxious about me leaving home, they don't need to tell me for me to notice the vibe in the house. My brother is anxious about not being around to back me up, and my parents are worried I will get really sick again. It's written in the worry lines on their faces. They gave me a million reasons to either hold off on attending, take a gap year, or pick a school closer to home. But they also left the choice up to me after giving me all the options. I think they understand that this is something I need to do.

Getting into Juilliard is not something I would ever turn down; it's been my dream for years. The auditions were nerve-racking, but the staff was so nice and had feedback for me too. I felt like it was the right place for me to grow as an aspiring artist. I've been writing songs and singing for years but having a solid education to build on will hopefully help me get even better. Not to mention that I will get a broad specter of musical input at the school. I will get to sing pop, opera, classical music, jazz, musical theatre, country and all the other genres of music. They want to give their students a broad specter of musical influence to make us well rounded artists when we graduate.

As far as I've understood there are some classes I will just have with vocal arts students, but some is with dance, drama, and instrument as well as us vocal students. And there are productions and stuff where all grade levels in the different degrees. It's a good chance to work with other people and put on a production. Apparently, there is also plenty of chances to perform during our four years at the school, most are mandatory.

Getting up in front of an audience is terrifying when all the people at the school are extremely talented, but hopefully I'm not the only one that's nervous about that. I've been trying to boost my confidence, but it's harder than you would think. The last thing I would want is to make a fool out of myself and have people laugh at me.