History Must Repeat Itself

Chapter 12

"Why can't we do something else? We could talk about this."

Billy scoffed, throwing his hands up, "I don't want to talk! I want to fuck. I want to fuck you and forget that my dad handed me my ass yesterday," I opened my mouth to respond, but he kept going, "I know you want me too. We've been so close, playing along the edge. Why don't we just get it over with and satisfy ourselves?"

"That's not who I am, and you know that. I'm not one of the girls who's just going to fall into bed with you. We're friends, and we have been all year. Why isn't that enough?"

Billy stepped up to me, pressing my back against the fridge again. My heart was pounding and I prayed that Billy wouldn't notice.

"We can still be friends," Billy said, pushing hair behind my ear, "but why can't we sleep together? I want you. Please."

I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath. I needed to walk away.

"Billy, please, we're friends. I won't be a notch on your bedpost. Our lives are too intertwined for that."

Billy scoffed, and his warmth moved away. Opening my eyes, it was obvious I'd offended him.

"I'm glad to find out you think so little of me, Jess. That feels really good."

Billy turned, almost stomping towards the front door. My heart dropped. If I let him leave, we'd never be the same and I wasn't sure if I could handle it. I followed after Billy, almost running down the hallway. In one move, I grabbed his hand and yanked him to a stop. Anchoring my other hand around his neck, Billy's eyes were full of hurt. I pressed my lips against his, trying to convey an apology. My other hand met the first, keeping Billy's face to mine. His arms wrapped around my body, hands splayed across my back. I rested kisses across his face then down his neck.

"We shouldn't have sex," I said between kisses, "but stay with me."

Billy ran a hand through my hair, anchoring his fingers against my head, "okay."

         Billy and I stumbled into the living room, hands and lips on the other. We weren't making it upstairs safely. Billy dropped onto the couch, tugging me on his lap. I squealed, not expecting the move. Billy chuckled against my lips, his hands cradling my face. My fingers sunk into his roots and gave a light tug. Billy Hargrove was beautiful, in his own twisted way. The way his eyes sparkled up at me, like I was the most beautiful thing he'd laid his eyes on, made my heart tighten. I squished my lower lip between my teeth, looking into his blue eyes. Billy's mouth gapped as his thumb tugged my lower lip out from its spot. Playfully, I bit down on it and a smile broke across Billy's face. I was barely keeping control.

          I walked through my work day mindlessly, my imagination was still on the day before. Apparently making out on and off all day satisfied him, as Billy never tried for sex again. On top of making out, we watched a few movies and took a nap. Billy left that evening feeling a little emotionally lighter. Nothing felt weird when he left, but I wouldn't see him for a few days. I didn't expect him to call and I couldn't predict his behaviour.

There was a part of me that felt used and manipulated. I had to acknowledge that. Didn't mean I had to admit it out loud.

Resting my finger along the spine of some drawing books, I knew I didn't regret it. Billy wasn't a bad kisser by any means. I also needed the hormonal release. The teenager part of me wanted to talk with someone about it. I couldn't tell Madison. She'd tell Max and every other teenage ear that would listen. I considered calling Nancy, but she was busy with her internship at the local newspaper. It was potentially the most sexist place in Hawkins and Nancy couldn't afford to lose focus. I'd offered to egg the assholes' cars, but it honestly shocked me when she considered it. My last female friend was Robin. I knew she could sort of keep a secret, but this one? And from Steve? I didn't want to put her in that situation. She might combust.

I'd never tell Eddie or Steve that I made out with Billy Hargrove. It wouldn't go over well. Eddie would assume I'd smoked way too much weed or was drunk. Or possessed. Steve's assumption would be Billy was able to corrupt me. But overall, I just couldn't handle the looks. At school, they'd both were on the receiving end of Billy's torment. Both had gotten a black eye from him at least once. And I'd just crossed a line with Billy that I couldn't take back.

A hand rested on my shoulder, pulling me from my thoughts. My elderly coworker had arrived to take over. We exchanged pleasantries before I told her about what else needed to be done during the day. Minutes later, I was making my way through the mall. Approaching Scoops Ahoy, I was tempted to walk past and go home. I slowed my pace, looking through the open entryway. I hadn't expected Robin to be staring my way. She grinned widely as her eyes rested on me. Sighing, I entered the store and gave her a half wave. She was the only one in the shop.

"Where's Stevie boy?" I asked, hopping onto the table closest to the counter. Robin pointed back and on cue, Steve walked through the doorway. He wasn't alone however. I dramatically gasped and leapt from the table, wrapping my arms around Dustin's shoulders.

"You're back!" I swung him back and forth, squeezing the poor child.

"I'm back!"

"Why don't I get that kind of reaction when she sees me?" Steve muttered with a pout.

"Join the club," Robin said, hand resting on her hip.

I rolled my eyes, putting my hands on Dustin's shoulders and looking him over. He looked healthy and older, even though he'd barely been gone. I looked at his new yellow and green hat. Same style, squishing down his curls.

"I love the hat! It looks good! But you need to tell me all about camp! What did you do, did you make any friends? Meet any girls?" I pulled Dustin down into the seat beside me. He stayed silent for a moment, pursing his lips and holding back a smile. My jaw dropped, gaze whipping back and forth from my friends to the pre-teen.

"You met a girl? Tell me about her!"

Robin sat across from us, resting her elbows on the table. We listened closely to Dustin's story about 'Suzie', blush across his face. I feel like a proud older sister, scrunching my nose at his obvious crush on the girl. My gaze flickered to Steve briefly. He was already looking at me, the corner of his lips turned up. I felt blush of embarrassment dancing across my cheeks. I turned back to Dustin, clearing my throat.

"Have you been talking to her? Over the phone?"

Dustin's eyes went to Steve and fell silent, mouth hung open. Moving my gaze between them, I knew I was missing out on something. Robin shrugged, not knowing either.

"What?"

Steve cleared his throat, "you need to go, Jess. We've got a lot to do."

An uncomfortable laugh bubbled up, "what?"

Steve crossed his arms and clenched his jaw, "you have to leave. Right now."

My mouth opened and no sound came out. Robin and Dustin sat with their heads turned away from me, finding more interesting things in the shop. Turning back to Steve, I waited for the smile to break out on his face. But he seemed too serious, his jaw clenching and unclenching. As the silence extended, my heart continued to drop. When the tears began to well up, I stood up.

"Okay then," I muttered. Grabbing my bag, I placed a kiss on Dustin's head and on Robin's cheek, "I'll see you guys later."

Tugging the strap of my bag up my shoulder, I wrapped my arms around myself as I left Scoops Ahoy. I had to breathe through the tears still threatening to fall. I hadn't expected that. I never expected Steve Harrington to speak to me in that tone. Had Steve found out that I'd made out with Billy? I didn't have any hickeys, I made sure before I left for work this morning. The look on Steve's face, unaffected and uncaring, broke my heart and left me confused.