Forgotten Memories [A Bensler Fanfiction]

Eighteen

Olivia didn't have time to read the letter until that night. Ava didn't sleep on the train ride back to Manhattan, so her parents had to occupy her for the entire ride. Then there was laundry that needed to be done, and Ava had to get ready for school in the morning. 

It was a little after eleven when Olivia finally opened the letter she had written to her mother and sister when she ran away. This letter had only been found when her mother moved to DC to be closer to Jennifer, and now she got to see with her own eyes the complete reason she left.

"Whatcha doing?" Elliot asked as he came into the kitchen before Olivia even got to unfold the letter.

"Uh, reading something that my mother gave me this morning," Olivia replied.

"Do you want me to read it with you?" Elliot offered.

"No, it's okay. I'd kinda like to do this alone..." Olivia trailed off.

"Hey, don't feel bad that you want some space. Read this and then come to bed when you are ready. I'll be waiting for you to tell me all about it," Elliot smiled. He grabbed a bottle of water before wrapping an arm around Olivia's shoulders. He kissed her cheek a few times before kissing the top of her head.

"I love you, El. Thank you," Olivia breathed.

"I love you too, baby. If something bothers you, come and get me. I don't want you to be alone during something bad."

///

Olivia made Ava's lunch for the next day and got the coffee ready for Elliot before finally going back to the table. She grabbed the letter and slowly unfolded it. A few shaky breaths slipped from her lips before she dropped her eyes to the paper.

Mom and Jenny,

If you are reading this, it means that I have left home for good. This is going to be my last form of contact until I am ready to reach out again. I have my room packed up and am on my way to a completely different state. I haven't decided where yet, but I'm going east... so please don't find me. Don't even try.

To start, I'm leaving because of you, Jenny. I love you so much, but that doesn't mean I love what you had said to me. You were rude, and you kept calling me fat and ugly. I'm already dealing with something, so a constant bullying at home doesn't help. I know you are angry and hate the fact that I knew Daddy, but you didn't, yet that doesn't give you the right to beat me up. To say things to me as if I killed Daddy. I didn't, but you'll never believe me. You won't care what I say.

Another thing that is making me leave is Matthew Anderson. You know him as the boy who went out of his way to ask me to prom. He danced with me and kissed me good night. But a few hours later, he texted me and asked me to sneak out to see him. He proceeded to rape me in the backseat of my own car, leaving my body sore and bleeding. It's been two months since he raped me, and I have to figure out what to do with the baby he left me with. The free clinic said I'm due in March, but who says that I'll even have a baby in March? I'm clearly a horrible person who has only bad things happen to me. 

First Daddy dies, Jenny hates me, Matthew rapes me, and I end up pregnant... what else could happen?

I love you both so very much, and I wish it hadn't come to this. But I pray something changes, and either I can come home to you one day... or you can come to me.

-Liv

Olivia was full on sobbing as she read the letter repeatedly. Things from her past just keep showing up. This time, she didn't even know how to proceed with her life. 

She was raped and ended up pregnant, but where did that baby go? Did she lose it? Put it up for adoption? What happened?

///

Elliot found Olivia sleeping on the sofa. She had blankets wrapped around her body and dried tears on her cheeks. Elliot sank down beside the sofa and gently caressed Olivia's cheeks. She opened her eyes after a few long moments, and couldn't even force a smile.

"Hey, baby. What are you doing out here?" Elliot asked.

"I couldn't face you," Olivia whispered.

"You couldn't face me? What was in that letter?" Elliot asked worriedly.

"You can read it," she whispered.

"Do you really want me to?" Elliot asked.

"You need too, El. You won't want to be with me afterwards," Olivia whispered.

"I doubt-"

"Go, El. Read it," Olivia sighed.

Elliot walked into the kitchen and grabbed the letter that was sitting next to the sink. It looked like Olivia was going to light it on fire but changed her mind at the last second since only a corner was burnt.

Elliot read the letter a few times, and each time he got even more angry at Jennifer and the man that raped Olivia. He wanted to go off on Jennifer for how she treated Olivia, and kill the man that raped her. 

"El..." Olivia trailed off as she walked into the kitchen.

"Liv, I think it's wise that you give me some space. Okay?"

"I'm so sorry, Elliot. You didn't sign up for how big of a mess I am, and I would understand if you wanted nothing to do with me. I will leave you Ava, and then once the baby is born, I will give them to you. El, please just-"

"I love you, Olivia. Nothing can change that. I understand that you just got a really scary view of your life before us... but that doesn't mean we are done. That doesn't mean I don't want you. I will always want you, baby. So please, just go to bed. I am going to get some air and process this," Elliot spoke. He walked to Olivia and kissed her softly, before walking to the front door as Olivia sobbed again.