You vs. My Whole Life | Bang Chan

Secret Secret

"Tell her", Yeji pushed. Sana cleared her throat, not being able to look me in the eyes.

"Sana" I pleaded. "I don't understand anything about what's going on. If you know anything- please just tell me".

She sighed and fixed her gaze on the pillow in front of her.

"First of all Y/N, please know that I'm sorry that this is the way you have to find out and I'm just praying that telling you won't change anything between us-", she lifted her head to look at me and I saw her tear filled eyes.

"Sana, whatever you're about to tell me won't matter. You're my best friend", I took her hand in mine, squeezed it and signaled her to continue. She took a deep breath.

"I'm part of a gang as well", she admitted and my heart stopped.

Sana?

The sweetest girl ever?

Part of a dangerous gang?

Where's the hidden camera?

I looked to Yeji for signs that it was a joke but there were none to find.

"I know you don't see me in this way but that's because I don't want you to. You're my only friend that isn't involved in this business and I wanted to keep it this way." She added the last part.

"It feels so normal to be with you and not have to worry about- Anyways...", she cut herself off. "I've known Chan and Stray Kids for about 5 years now. We're allies."

That explains a lot. My head felt heavy from all of the information.

"So when I met him..." I started.

"I freaked out!" Sana told me honestly. "I didn't know what to do, you should never ever get in touch with this side of the world".

"I tried to ignore that first time. I thought it freaked you out bad enough to stay away from him and everything but that second time when you told me he came to you, I told him to leave you alone".

Oh.

"But why would you drag me to Miroh if-", I asked and she furrowed her brows.

"If I would've known that it was their club I would've taken you to the other side of town! When I saw Felix at the bar I was already planning some excuse in my head to get you to leave with me again."

Oh.

"But the second I wanted to tell you I was sick, you were nowhere to be found. And then I find out that Mr Bang Chan has taken you home with him?!", she raised her voice in anger.

"Anyways... about Johnny. He's in a rival gang, he's someone to obtain information, he's dangerous. Not in the way that Chan or I are, he's- they're so dangerous." She said sternly, looking me dead in the eyes. I didn't even dare to ask anything else about him.

"What do you do?" I tried lifting the mood. Sana smiled faintly.

"I'm an informant. Just like Jisung and-", she stopped.

Johnny.

No more secrets.

"Sana".

"No more secrets. Tell me everything", I demanded.

"I can't- I'm not allowed to share everything with you. I'm sorry Y/N", Sana and Yeji shared eye contact. They weren't allowed to spill gang related secrets.

"Then tell me everything you can tell me", I didn't want to give up. She gulped.

"Johnny Suh is a member from a rival gang and he used to- I used to really like him", her expression turned sad and I wanted to embrace her but she shook herself off.

"I'm over it now. It's nothing I can't handle but it hurt", she grimaced and I gave her hand another squeeze.

"He's good at his job. Almost got me fired from mine for giving him too much information about us", she admitted.

I couldn't even imagine how scary being fired from a mafia job has to be. Or almost getting fired.

"It's your turn now", Sana decided after telling me everything about her secret life.

"What do you mean?", I asked puzzled. Yeji scooted over to us and gave Sana a knowing look.

"I mean", Sana mimicked.

"What's going on with you and Chan?"

"N-Nothing!"I replied so quickly, I wouldn't have even believed myself. Sana raised and eyebrow and Yeji giggled. 

"I've known him for a long time and let me tell you, he's never ever treated anybody else the way he does with you", Sana revealed and gave me a reassuring smile. I gulped not knowing what to say.

"Well, you're already part of this world now", Yeji stated. "It depends on you what role you want to take".

Before I could actually think about her statement, somebody knocked on the door, making me loose the thought I had. Both girls looked at me to invite the person into my room.

"Come in", I called. The door opened and Seungmin stuck his head in.

"Sorry to disturb, can you all come downstairs soon? We're having a meeting and you should take part in it". 

"Of course, we're done here right, Y/N?", she smiled and took my hand to stand up from the bed, pulling me up with her.  I nodded and followed them downstairs. 

All the members of Stray Kids were sitting in a room in the basement I hadn't been to before. The largest table I had ever seen stood in the middle, surrounded by walls covered in bulletin boards with documents, pictures and cords pinned to them. 

The moment I stepped into the room, Sana let go off my hand and stayed in the door frame.

"What are you doing?", I asked, confused of her action. 

"I'm not allowed to come in here", she explained to me. "I'm not a member", she added swiftly and turned to leave. 

I took a deep breath and came closer to the table all the guys were surrounding. Jeongin smiled at me and pointed to an empty seat next to him. All of their eyes were on me while I walked towards the seat. 

Once I sat down, Chan started his speech. 

"Okay so I think we all know that the only way to go now is to let Y/N become a member of Stray Kids", he made it sound like the only option I had. Changbin and Jisung nodded, although their faces were mixed with emotions. 

Chan looked at me and I quickly nodded, already expecting the outcome of this situation beforehand. 

And what else was I gonna do?

Say no?

"But being one of us isn't just that, she'll have to train just as hard as all of us did", Hyunjin whined earning a sigh from Chan.

"Are you okay with that, Y/N?", he asked concerned. 

I just kept on nodding without even knowing what he was referring to. 

"Your training with Minho starts tomorrow morning." Minho grinned at me.

Oh, perfect. He'll tear me apart. 

"Any questions so far?" Chan knew my mind was a mess.

A lot of them actually. 

But looking at him, I chose to ask the most important one of them all 

"Do I have to get that tattoo?"