An Enigma Of Love And Life (A DreamSMP Fanfic)

The Sun is shining down, what a pretty day

Ranboo's eyes shot open, the world was once again a black void. He let out a yell, the piercing pain in his chest crying out at him, making him scream louder. His body was weightless in the black void, he curled around himself--feeling nothing but static around him--his tail wrapping around his waist in an attempt to comfort himself as he weeped. He hated everything, the emotion sending alarms to his brain, he couldn't stand it. He just wanted to cry, that was until the world around him brightened into a scene of a forest, the one right outside the commune he had lived in with Techno and Phil. As much as he wished it was real he knew it wasn't, he knew it wasn't because nothing felt correct. In the forest out in the arctic it was silent, almost unnervingly so--with the exceptions of a few noisy crows that followed Phil around. In this one, whispers from the trees themselves filled his ears. He heard crunching snow from behind him as his curled up, sobbing and angry self, slowly descended from where he was stationary in the air and onto the snowy ground. He wished he could feel it's cold, the wet of the snow melting into his skin even if it would be painful but nothing happened, the snow didn't even melt. He wishes he could feel the calm emptiness of veiled emotions than feel this absolute shitstorm of sadness and anger and grief.

Kistin was standing behind him, he knew that for sure, he heard her familiar footsteps approach his shaking and curled up body, he choked out hiccuped words, "Wh-why d-do I f-fe-feel so-o sa-ad a-and a-an-angery-y..?"

She only let out a sigh, as she sat next to him with her legs under her. Her hair coiled around her as shadows of the forest slowly formed into foggy tendrils of darkness, gently wrapping around Ranboo. Whispering words of sorrow and of comfort. Ranboo wished it helped, but it didn't. He wanted to feel better, but all he could feel was sadness and anger at Wilbur, at himself. Why was he even feeling emotions? Wasn't he supposed to be just blank? Why? Why?

Kristin hummed as she ran her hands through his hair, her hands were warm, he couldn't help but hate it. Why was she warm? The only warmth he could feel? It was comforting before when he was crying...but now all he wants is to feel cold, pain, something that would jolt him awake from this nightmare. He didn't say a thing, as much as he hated it, he rather it than being in nothing but static, "You're on the brink of death. You fainted from over exerting your injury and yourself. Your body gave out on you. Endermen under this condition wouldn't normally be able to feel such emotions. But..your other species..its harboring the stronger emotions you feel. The ones that just can't be easily let go or shoved away. The anger and sadness you feel is because it's all your other half can even manage to cope with, it has a lot to deal with but with the experience you had with Wilbur, it brought them closer to the forefront of your emotional haze."

"B-But wh-y do-do-o I st-t-still feel th-th-em?"

Kristin's warm hands froze before speaking softer, she sounded hesitant to say it but if she didn't Ranboo wouldn't give up without an answer for all this confusing bullshit, "It's..it's because you're on the verge of death. The emotions you felt were so strong they caused the shattering process to speed up significantly. Your soul, its restless, and because its restless its flooding you with the last emotions you felt before you left yourself on the brink of death."

Ranboo let out a broken sob, his body shuttering, Kristen continued to run her hands through his hair. Why does he have to die? Why? Ranboo never did anything wrong, at least nothing that he can't remember. Ranboo's thoughts were a swirling windstorm, he couldn't help but feel miserable as he thought of everything he's done wrong, what he could have done. It was his fault, it's his fault Tubbo said it was. Tubbo hates him, will always hate him, all this is his own fault, it is. He just loves Tubbo so much, he just misses him, he just wants to wake up from his nightmare. He can't stand it, he just wants to be dead for good then maybe everyone will finally be ok. He's just a monster, a traitor, a disgusting breed of animal that hurts everyone. He ruins everything and everyone he touches, how could he do something like that to Tubbo, Tommy, and Michael? Ranboo only sobbed harder.