TCR Reviews [Closed]

24| Eclipsed World: Midnight Survivor

Requester MeowMeow422

Reviewer OutOfMyImagination 

Hello and thank you for requesting the review. If you have any questions comment here or dm me.

Engagement 14/20

The story starts with a prologue and I feel like the part "17 years ago" is not giving readers much to pique their interest. Later the prologue gives crucial information and action as well, so I think that part was more pulling.

The chapters in general are on the longer side which could lower engagement as well, to be specifically for Wattpad. There are perks of having shorter chapters as well, more parts equal more reads/votes. Readers can read more fastly on the go since most readers use their phones to read. And you can always post one chapter as "part one" and "part two", longest chapters were the second and fourth I am guessing they are close to 5000 words so you can for sure split them. It's a personal opinion but I tend to write up to 2000 words per chapter, later in the book (after 10 first chapters) word count often is bigger but by then your readers will be invested in reading longer chapters as well.

I am not fond of breaking the 4th wall, but it works well enough in this story, though at the start my interest was lower because of this reason. Some people like it, and some don't, so if you saw this story this way I understand why it was added to the story. Though my advice for the future would be not to lose the 4th wall breakage in later parts, in the 5th chapter there was a lack of it so if you continue with this idea, then add some small stuff to all chapters.

Concept 8/10

The concept of an orphan boy who is secretly somehow special is nothing too new, of course, each story has twists and turns. And your story has those as well, but it's a bit hard to judge the whole concept just from what I read so far.

Cover 10/10

The cover looks great, fits with the story's theme, and is well put together.

The book description 9/10

The book description is good and tells us enough about Raven, his past, and his upcoming struggles. I would suggest adding something about Max as well since there are parts from his perspective as well so it would make sense to shed the light on him. The part about a strange woman could be shorter, not giving away too much in the description.

Technicalities 40/50

Your grammar and vocabulary are good there are a few misspelled words but nothing major, punctuation is good as well. I am not too sure what "~" this symbol means in the dialogue. One thing I noticed is the name change of one of the older Max sisters so it was Emilia, than Emillia, and lastly Amillia, not sure if it's on purpose but since the other sister is named Emily is confusing enough.

There is a lack of description of the surroundings, which makes it harder to imagine the scenes, add some details of rooms, furniture and characters could have a better description as well, though the fight scene was not bad with descriptions and clarity.

The story could have better flow as well, the "another perspective" and "flashback" banners alongside the other cut scene imagery sometimes really distract and some scenes feel not that important and could be interpreted in a better way.

With the 4th wall breakage, characters are often not shown but told what they should be sometimes it is shown and it feels better that way. So, for example, Max is flirting with everyone it was told to us and shown as well, so showing here was good and this way readers can judge for themselves that he flirts a lot.

Total 81/100

Overall: The story has potential and already has some of the world-building which is often the main thing in Fantasy books. Try to cut out scenes that do not add much to the story, and add surrounding descriptions instead. I feel you also rushing a bit to get to the "fun" part of the story, the part where Raven will discover the new world. It's understandable why but try to slow down a bit, since there is a lot of jumping from scene to scene, including change of POV and flashback scenes. Showing the current "boring" world is good, but you could add more routines guys have, or more strange encounters with supernatural beings. Like they reacted to "zombies" in a bit of a relaxed way not freaking out as much as a normal person would. Good luck with your story!