more than a feeling, stancy

Chapter 10

December 14th, 1975

we had just received the news. our album was going to be released. the world seems right again. i've been working nonstop in the studio, constantly planning ideas for us. and now it's all coming to life.

i almost feel bad, though. i've always told my parents that i want this. i need this. but the idea of being famous seemed weird. extremely. especially with mike apart of the band.

meeting the band was probably the best experience of my life. holding "auditions" with mike, making sure everything was perfect. we struggled a bit with a bass player but robin fits the bill. despite her lack of personal space and constantly babbling.

jim came first. my parents had found him, actually. knew his close family and he had apparently lived a couple towns away from hawkins.

next was mike and i. we formed the band, obviously. then we met eddie. he played this weird game with mike and mike had told me he was good at the guitar. figured it would be the easiest solution.

then max. then billy. then robin. we all fit together like a puzzle.

i should give mike more credit. he practically put together this whole band. even came up with the name. helped me pick some of my songs out to send to a record label. he was basically our second manager.

i believe he was destined for more. he could've gone off to school, excel in his academics and make friends for a lifetime. now, he only surrounds himself around us and can barely figure out fractions.

not saying he's gotten dumb. mike is one of the smartest people i know. he just stopped applying himself. and it hurts my heart.

back to the band, though.

when jim told us the news, i was trying so hard not to cry. sob. drop on my knees and pray to the gods. it didn't seem real. it still doesn't feel real.

december 16th, 1975

jonathan has caught my eye. it's strange. i've worked with him for a while now, producing and writing. i never viewed him the way i do now. but i simply cannot date him. it would be suicide. not for me but for everyone.

things would get messy. people would talk bad. saying how he only started dating me because of my status or the other way around. being the nephew of one of the biggest managers in the business doesn't help. word spreads fast.

but who's to say we're going to make it? what if we fail? if we fail, im going after jonathan. not in a weird, predator vs. prey type of way. more of a "hey, you're cute. let's date!" kind of way. seems the most logical approach to me.

december 25th, 1975

jonathan got me a gift. i felt bad. i didn't get him one. but at least i know he's thinking of me.

january 19th, 1976

i haven't written an entry in a while. i've been spending so much time preparing for the album drop. which, by the way, is only a couple days away. IM PUMPED.

i've also been spending way too much time with jonathan. he's gotta stop before it gets worse. but again, if we fail....

february 8th, 1976

WE ARE HUGE. the album is off the charts. literally and figuratively. people love us. we even got asked to be on the cover of Rolling Stone. FUCKING ROLLING STONE. life doesn't seem real at the moment. it only gets better with time.