Pieces of Us (SatoGou)

Chapter 20

"I've been in a bunch of relationships, but I always thought there was something wrong with me, because I never had feelings for any of them. I thought I was never going to have feelings for anyone. I didn't realise... I didn't know it was because I was still chasing the ghost of you."

I turn my head to face him before I can stop myself, my chest tightening so much I can hardly breathe. "I was wrong about everything," I say, my heart in my throat, pounding. "Because I have feelings for you."

I see the physical reaction in him- the way his chest moves, his mouth falls open more, and his eyes dilate. I speak again before he can speak, because I've started now, and I can't stop.

"I know you don't feel the same anymore. I never knew you felt that way in the first place. It's kind of funny, that you said you realised you were gay because of me, and the same thing happened to me years later." I smile sadly at him, tilting my head a little. "Truthfully though, I think I have had feelings for you the whole time. I just didn't realise it. I know it sounds crazy that I still feel this way, after all this time. Trust me, it sounds crazy to me, too. But it's real. It's the realest fucking thing I've ever felt.

And I'm so sorry, Goh. I'm sorry I was so dense back then. If I'd known... Maybe it would have helped me realise I felt the same. I think I made us miss out on something that could have been really good," I choke out, tensing my jaw as tears threaten to fall suddenly.

There's a moment of silence, so tense I cringe inwardly, wishing I could take everything I just said back. Goh's in shock- staring at me with wide eyes, his hands shaking now too. I push up off the grass, ready to walk back to the bike. I did say we could just head back, after all. I won't wait for his response when I said he didn't have to give me one. Well, it's all out there now, for better or for worse.

I turn away, and make it one step before I hear Goh stand behind me. He reaches out and grabs my wrist, and as I turn to face him, confused, he's stepping towards me.

In a heartbeat, he closes the distance between us, and before I can react I feel his lips crash against mine.

I can barely think, or breathe, or move, as Goh's mouth clumsily finds mine, opening slightly to let me kiss him. The wave of emotion is so violent it threatens to knock me off my feet.

There's a jolt between us- It feels like every neuron in my body is firing at once, like lightning is dancing between my nerves. It lasts a split second, then I melt into him, our lips moving in sync as he brings his hands up to my face, placing one either side of my jaw. He kisses me like he's been waiting for it his whole life. I feel like I'm on fire, but drowning in it at the same time. I had pictured it before, obviously, but I could never have expected it to feel like this.

I think I'm actually going to die. This doesn't even feel real. He keeps kissing me, over and over, leaving me helpless, and I know for sure now that this is what it's meant to feel like: fireworks, burning and desire. It steals my breath away but makes me feel so alive.

Finally, I feel all the pieces of us come back together, and for the first time in eight years, my heart feels whole again.

When he pulls away, I want to move with him, to keep him pressed into me forever. He doesn't move his hands, and when our eyes meet again, I see the intensity burning behind his.

I wonder if he felt what I felt. He had to, right?

Adrenaline is coursing through my veins as the words repeat over and over in my brain:

He's my soulmate.

Because that's what I felt, the second our lips connected, just like he said. I must have missed it when we were younger, or dismissed it as excitement after the battle, but it was unmistakable just now, and I can hardly find words. I can hardly believe this is happening at all.