•| peace of mind |•

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Authors note

• no fandom •
• OC •
•Trigger Warning: Daddy Issues •
•word count: 1073 words •

~•~

He always loved toddlers. There was no way he could not love these little sweet kids. How they clumsily start to walk, how they make noises and try to speak, how they always laugh, not even their crying could make him hating them.
But there is one problem:

Toddlers wont be toddlers forever. One day, they will grow up, become teenagers and finally adults. That is the point where his never ending love somehow comes to an end.
Toddlers wont always be like that. When they grow up, they start to think own thoughts, to develop own opinions, and to even express them.
That's where not only his love stops, that's where his hatred starts.
He can't handle other points of view than his own.
Eventually, he had a daughter.
A little girl, he loved her with his whole heart, he strongly believed he never could hate her, no matter what happens.
But one day, his lovely daughter wouldn't be a toddler anymore.
That is what kids do, they become older and they grow up.
There was never a way he could have avoided it.
He knew it. He knew the day will come and she will grow up, have own opinions, an own point of view.
So he did what he thought every father would have done.
He influenced her life.

He tried everything so his lovely daughter wont question the world, so she would just accept the world as it is.
His rules were simple, they were rules like 'no boyfriend until you reach age 16', rules that forbade her future boyfriend to be an immigrant, to be from a different country, rules that forbade her to drink alcohol until she was an adult, to do drugs, rules that forbade her to have sex until she was an adult. Rules that told her which kind of people are dangerous, which were not a good influence, and which were good people.
Some rules were questionable, rules where strangers would said that he was racist.
But his intention wasn't racist. He just wanted to protect his precious daughter from everything this world offers.
His rules were made by his own experiences, and they were made to prevent that she would make these bad experiences one day.
He only wanted to do something good, and he went too far with it, without even noticing.

A kid grows up, at first they turn into teenagers, they go through puberty.
And so did his daughter.
Teenagers will be teenagers, and they will start to rebel against anything. The first thing they will rebel against is their family.
So his daughter challenged him, she found out all the rules she lived with, and tried to break as many as possible.
But these rules already influenced her.

'Don't have sex until you are an adult'; she wasn't even interested in sex. She saw it as something to have own baby's with, and not as something to have fun. It was not something that's mandatory.

'Don't consume alcohol until you are an adult'; she tried alcohol at a sleepover with her slightly older friend and her brother, that was the first time she got drunk. She knew it was wrong, it would harm her body, but she tried it anyway. And finally, she deeply regretted that decision.

'Don't ever do drugs, even when you are an adult'; after her first experience with alcohol, she decided to not rebel against that rule. After all, alcohol was legal, and she felt so sick afterwards. What would other drugs do to her and her body?

'Don't have a boyfriend until you reach age 16, and also don't have a boyfriend that's an immigrant etc'; she decided to not only break the rule point by point, she decided to pull out the root. Only to rebel against her father, she refused to look for boys, instead she tried everything to be attracted to girls. She decided to become a lesbian, or at least a bisexual, just to rebel against these rules, and it actually worked. Until now, she only fell in love with girls, she was never really attracted to boys.

But there is one rule where there was no way at all to not break it.
She gained experiences, she watched the world through her own eyes, and she created her own opinions.
That's what her father never wanted to accept.
Instead accepting his own fault, he got angry at her.
That anger has never faded.
That anger devoured him slowly.
And he eventually showed his emotions through being annoyed, yelling and so much more.
Whenever she came up to him, excited to tell him something that's special to her, he kept interrupting her, telling her she should better shut her mouth, she should not annoy him.
He yelled at her for no reason, just because he couldn't handle his emotions. He couldn't handle how his little precious angel turned into a cruel devil.
She didn't unterstand anything. She knew, some rules were never meant to be broken, she realized that some rules were made to protect her from any evil in this world.
But she broke a rule she never knew.
He was angry at her because she grew up.
She did nothing wrong with growing up.
That's what human beings do.
They were born, they gain experiences.
New borns turn into toddlers, toddlers turn into children, children turn into teenagers, teenagers turn into adults. That's the circle of life.

At age 18, she moved out.
She couldn't get along with her father any longer, she didn't want to live with him any longer.
She broke down every contact they had. She never talked to him anymore, she never visited him.
He thought at first, his daughter just left him alone, abandoned her family, but time passed, and he realized it wasn't his daughter who abandoned them, it was her family who abandoned her.
He had to realize that he did not protect her, instead he denied her nescessary growth.
He refused to give her the chance to make own experiences, to grow up on her own.
She wasn't his puppet, she was a human being.
He had to let her go, and now she escaped.

He had to realize that his little angel did not turn into an evil demon, his little girl just got older with her own peace of mind.

He had to realize that he lost her.

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