ugh

vi.

2015

once, there was a time where i was happy with the way i looked.

i didn't mind my less than flat stomach, or my thick thighs, or my not heart shaped face.

i was anything but a white supermodel or hipster girl with long legs and thin body and perfect face, but i was happy.

i couldn't even tell you how long it took for me to actually look in the mirror without seeing flaws, let alone accept my body or be happy about it.

the time it took was forever, but the product of it was priceless.

until someone compared my legs with theirs, and commented how they were skinnier and i was fatter.

isnt it amazing
how quickly
a heart changes?

i literally HATED myself

when i looked into the mirror all i saw was how DISGUSTING i was

"fat, fat, fat."

i know.

"you're fatter than me."

i know shut UP.

shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupSHUTTHEFUCKUP

i remember curling on the bathroom floor
an aching sob tearing from my throat
&& clawing at my face and praying to something that they'd show me mercy and wipe me away

to let me be forgotten
and insignificant
like a whisper
in a storm.

but the beautiful thing about these things, is that you heal.

and you become stronger.

&& although that person at the time didn't intentionally break my soul, i will rise from the ruins and collect myself together by myself.

it is not perfect.

now i find myself comparing my calves with strangers and people, and the feeling of being loathing myself will never fade away.

but you know what?

fuck them.

i learned by myself that i was beautiful, even if i was fat and not thin. i learned to smile with my gross face and learnt that it was my smile that would bring out the beauty.

but i am stronger now.

mentions about my weight have now been swallowed like a bitter pill, and i learn to deal with it.

so fight on.

do not let these toxic views of your body poison yourself.