Eat food, drink water, and get 5+ hours of sleep today or I'll cry
"I have this distinct and unexplainable desire to pass away quietly in my sleep at the ripe old age of: right fucking now." I greeted.
"I am beyond the point of asking if you're okay. I'm just going to send you therapy at this point." Shalnark sighed.
"Ooo, yeah." I agreed.
"I don't care that you don't want to- wait what?"
"Yeah, then the therapist can teach me morals!" I stated.
"...Feitan where did you get that knife. Stop coming closer. Hel-"
"...Welp, he's dead. If I had to go to therapy I'd just kill the therapist." Killua said.
"Really? I'd take notes whenever they take notes and then eat the paper at the end of the session." I replied.
"Wait, can I change my answer? I'd like to do that instead."
"Okay, but the real therapy would be giving me your dads phone number so I can blackmail him." Churro stated.
"...Are you trying to fuck my dad?"
"I- no. What the fuck."
"Mhm... Sure you aren't."
"I'm not trying to fuck your dad."
"Oo! How bout you give us your mom's phone number! I mean, everyone here is clearly gay. ...Well except Gay. He's definitely straight." I suggested.
"Exactly! Why is my nickname Gay?!"
"Because you're gay."
"But you just said-"
"Shhhh. Now, Killua, my friend, do you happen to know your mom's phone number?" I asked.
"I do."
"Prove it."
"How am I supposed to prove it?"
"Tell me your mom's phone number, obviously."
"Are you trying to fuck my mom?
"I'm literally...seven, yes. I am seven. I am a human that is seven. I am a functioning member of the human life kind. My hobbies are breathing oxygen and drinking water." I stated.
"See! I told you that they are a robot!" Shalnark shouted.
"No. Just said they human. You deaf." Feitan replied. I- thank you my lord.
"Yes. I am a human. Give me your mom's phone number." I said.
"Fine, but I want to see the conversation." Killua replied. Yo! Finally! I may or may not die, but who cares about living anyways. We're not even sure I can die.
"Im only telling you though. The rest of you can go fuck yourself." Killua stated.
"Rude." Gay scoffed.
"Weird. That's the nicest thing they've ever said to me." Shalnark said. I- maybe we should stop bullying him so much.
...
Nahhhhhhh.
After Y/n gets the phone number Ig
_____________
Killua's mommy 🥵
Y/n
Hello :D
YOU ARE READING
The Lion, The Witch, And The Audacity Of This Bitch
FanfictionBecause the title is probably to long: The Lion, The Witch, And The Audacity Of This Bitch Y/n, Shalnark, and Killua become online friends, and all of them are sleep deprived idiots with more mental issues than you can count. Or A story where Y/n...
