The haunting Love: That is Unrequited

The official 1st Meeting

Enter the Friday of the second week, Zhang was back. As we all lined up in the corridor of the math block waiting to enter the classroom- he came out the staffroom and allowed us all to walk in. I was towards the end of the line -I had never had a conversation with Zhang, I just knew of him. I had no feelings at this point just a nervous buzz. He was handsome and everyone knew. As I walked closer to the door, he looked at me and smiled and said, "Hi Ali." I quickly responded to his greeting and walked into the classroom sitting in a random seat. I sat and thought 'how on earth did he know my name?' yes, my name is Alice, but no one ever calls me that. I've always been called Ali- for him to know my name was shocking to me (teachers before they know their students always use full names), it made something inside my chest stir. 

The class was horrid, I had no idea what was going on and my anxiety stopped me from asking. My classmates all knew what was happening, they all seemed so confident, I realized that I was in a class of smart kids. I felt horrid being amongst this caliber of people- confidence dripping off their demeanor, the lack of embarrassment asking questions, I then began to realize it was simply because they liked Zhang. Zhang was confident and comfortable in the classroom setting, he eluded an air of warmth, he was by far the most welcoming math teacher of our cohort. Suffering in silence throughout the hour I knew I had to prepare myself to share my disclaimer and ask the question. 

The trill bell rang, I slowly packed my bag shoving my books away and took a deep breath. Other classmates also wanted to chat to him they stood around him chatting merrily; I knew the students we were in the music programs together; they were already closer to him than the other students and myself. As I listened in on their conversation standing away from the group, they all eventually left for the lunch break. I took another breath. As I felt a small tremble in my hands and my stomach twisted, I walked up and finally spoke "Hi, I just wanted to give you a disclaimer," he looked me in the eyes and had a confused smile but nodded "I assume you've seen my grades... they're not the best. I just needed to let you know that I seriously suck at math's thanks to a teacher I had. The way she taught was not very good and her encouragement was practically non-existent. My last grade was thanks to Mr. Dilmore and that was only because of tutoring. So..." I dragged out my 'so' to see his reaction, he was sitting with his hand over his mouth and was thinking about everything I was telling him. "Is it okay if you could tutor me? In any spare time, you have? I really want to pass well and the only way I was able even get to senior year was my improvement over the last school term!" those last words felt a little too emotional, but I kept it my voice steady. I knew that with my efforts from last year, last term, for any of this to stick I would need intense tutoring and repetitive teaching. I was asking so much of him, and I knew I was going to be a burden, but I had to ask. My entire senior year was relying on me passing this subject.

He looked up nodding "I understand. I can do that for you." His voice was so sweet, so understanding. His willingness to help created a sense of relief in my entire body, I finally relaxed.
"The tutoring I was doing with Mr. Dilmore would sometimes last 2-3 hours after school... but if I can regularly come in lunch breaks or after school, even before school I would appreciate it." He looked at me shocked at how much effort I put in. It was if he'd never known someone to put in so much effort in one subject. My face was determined as I looked at him nodding my mouth in a tight line.
"As each week comes will plan something, of course Wednesday afternoons are out because of choir." He looked up at me with knowing eyes. I smiled with my brightest smile and nodded.
"Thank you SO much!!" my happiness knowing he was willing to help was all I needed. "I'll see you next week then." I walked out of the classroom satisfied with a smile on my face.