Ultima Ratio

Chapter 17: To-Do List

"Whatever you say, Captain," Quyen said, clearly not convinced. "So, what'd you want to talk about?"

"Your mission," Akira said, eager to get down to business. "How'd it go?"

Quyen sighed softly, dropping her gaze ever so slightly.

"It's gone," she whispered, her fist clenching as she relayed the news. "The entire facility caved in with that earthquake. There may have been a chance to salvage it before, but now..."

"And the researchers?" Akira asked when Quyen didn't continue. "The engineers? Are they okay?"

"They're fine," Quyen said through gritted teeth. "But all of their work, all of their notes? It's gone. We're back at square one, and now the Concordians have something new to throw at us? How the hell are we supposed to kill them now?"

"We'll figure it out," Akira assured, trying to hide her surprise at seeing Quyen so agitated. "We still have researchers working around the world. And, like Danya said, Ex Deo is still on our side. Maybe they'll find out how Concordia attacked us, just like how they helped us get our current weapons, and just like they've had our backs for this entire war. We haven't lost this yet. Not by a long shot."

But even as Akira said the words, she wasn't sure if she could believe them herself. Dubai had held the UN's most advanced research facility, responsible for progressing the UN's weaponry while they hid under the rubble Concordia made early on in the war. No one thought Concordia would strike a city they had already decimated, but apparently they were wrong. And since the researchers had stopped trusting digital security after dozens of Concordian cyber attacks, whatever was destroyed was likely gone for good.

"Why'd you do it?" Quyen suddenly asked, breaking Akira's train of thought. "Why'd you use another booster? You had to know what it could do to you."

Akira didn't answer immediately. Her mind was still focused on the five-year setback to the UN's weapons development program and it took her a while to understand what Quyen was saying.

"People needed help," Akira eventually answered. "And I knew I could save them."

Quyen waited for a moment. "And that's it?"

"What do you mean?"

"You don't like that feeling?" Quyen asked, her eyes narrowed. "The feeling of being stronger than before, like you can do anything? Or maybe...you like the feeling of saving people?"

It was quite the opposite, actually. The boosters left Akira's muscles burning, singed with an itch she couldn't scratch. While the strength was helpful to do her job of protecting civilians, it occasionally made her feel mad at herself that her natural strength wasn't enough.

Belatedly, Akira realized the abnormalities in Quyen's question. There was something about her tone that sounded accusatory, as if she was interrogating Akira. The doctors had asked Akira about her decision too, but they had easily accepted her answer. So why wouldn't Quyen?

Finally, Akira remembered her glimpse of Quyen's profile: the corporal wasn't medically cleared to use boosters.

"I'm not addicted to them, or to what they give me," Akira insisted, already knowing her words wouldn't be good enough. "I use them because I have to. Nothing more."

Judging by the still stare Quyen gave her, the woman didn't believe her.

"Let's say that's true," Quyen proposed. "Still, you should know what it did to you. You should know what we saw."

Akira braced herself for the incoming lecture, training her face to maintain a solemn neutral expression.

"I know you heard it already, but I'll say it again: you almost died. You were...some unnatural shade between red and purple. One second, you'd be screaming your goddamn head off; the next, you'd be gasping for air like a fish out of water. And when you had a seizure, all this blood started pouring out of your mouth. Gupta was losing their mind—they thought you bit your tongue off. And a lot worse probably would've happened if Beringer hadn't been there."

Quyen paused, as if she was waiting for an argument. Akira remained silent, trying to keep from shifting uncomfortably when Quyen's words reminded her body of the torment it endured.

"So," Quyen eventually continued, crossing her arms. "The next time you decide to play the hero, maybe think about the consequences first."

By the time Quyen left a few minutes later, Akira felt like she was being pressed in from all sides—metaphorically, of course. Her new team was not meshing as well as she had hoped, and the war seemed to be escalating before her eyes. While the Gupta siblings and Elodie would be fine on their own, Quyen seemed to only work with everyone because she had to, and nobody trusted Danya. If they were going to be sent on their new mission as soon as Akira recovered, that wasn't nearly enough time to build any sense of camaraderie.

Before Akira could brainstorm team building ideas, her phone buzzed.

Lemur sighting topside, Danya texted. Am I cleared to move back in?

Akira sighed. If she had her way, she would lock herself in her apartment and hide from the world for a couple days. Alas, she was in the military surrounded by a war; hiding from her responsibilities was not even an option.

Give me a few minutes, Akira replied, once again too tired to think up an excuse.

I'll scavenge for snacks then, Danya said immediately. Then, half a minute later, she added, Get some sleep. You looked like crap. Kind of smelled like it too.

Her advice shocked a short laugh from Akira. She hadn't expected the masked concern to come from Danya, but now that it had, it seemed natural. Her observation was also extremely accurate, and Akira could feel herself drifting off shortly after. So after typing a quick "will do" to Danya, Akira closed her eyes and lulled herself to sleep with ruminations of her team running through alternative versions of the Dubai mission over and over again until she couldn't think anymore.