Acknowledging the disgust.

• face the music, as you should •

As I open my eyes, the fire in them scares everyone present there except for him. He knows the rage but more so, he knows the pain and the breech of privacy behind those infuriating orbs. I look at the being I have felt most disgusted by, most violated by - he who had the audacity to hug me. Me?! When he knew how I uncomfortable I would be, how disgusted some of the people might feel and how painful would it be for the love of my life to sit there and watch me hug a nuisance. The fear in those ugly eyes of that rat, the eyes who dared to smile and enjoy seeing the love of my life in pain is witnessed as clear as day but it is proven when he cannot form words properly. He stutters and fails to look me in the eyes anymore because he knows what awaits him within them. But not today, today he needs to face the wrath. He needs to look into the eyes of one girl to know what immense power and authority every girl's eyes have. And so, I ask once in my coldest voice, my harshest tone to face me. He didn't want to but my voice might have scared him more than my eyes did. For even when my eyes had rage, my voice held compassion and warmth every time, every day but today was just not the day. I question him, on why he hugged me. I knew it but there lies no peace as being able to hear the crime from the criminal, in seeing him accept for the mistake he has already made. He is silent but my eyes shower the torment to his as they continue raging. The entire canteen is dead silent. Now, none of the bitches manage to get their voice out and that is how it should be. When a lady speaks, you listen and you continue to do respectfully until she's done. He stutters as he opens his mouth. But there lies no mercy in a tormented woman who's rights and comfort has been violated. I ask in a calmer voice, which feels as dangerous as fire but as cold as the ice. He says, he wanted to annoy me and hurt him, my soulmate. And in an instant, I look into the eyes of my friends who once even if very faintly and slightly had questions in theirs. They had gotten their answers but I ain't done with my questions. I asked a little louder with a voice even colder that were we needed to hug? Were we expected to? Had we ever agreed on hugging each other, no matter what roles we portrayed? Did he ask for my consent? And his eyes shooting towards his fancy shoes gave every one the answer. There were girls who happened to be very disappointed but then there were the 'girls' who thought I was just trying to gain attention by making this a huge thing. And honestly, I was. But the attention wasn't for me, but for every woman, every girl, every human out there. No matter it is a woman or a man, no body seems to be safe today. So, my voice, my questions, the need for answers were all in need of gathering strength and motivation for them. I repeated my questions because he had to know there wasn't any escape. This time my voice got a little louder, a little more impatient. And he trembled, I could see it. He said the classic 'I didn't think much of it, I just thought it wasn't a big deal'. My patience was starting to fall apart as if I already hadn't. I said "that doesn't seem like an answer to my question" the amount of voidness but danger in my voice held everybody captive, not in awe but fear; not in admiration, but shock. After all, they had never seen me loose my cool and they didn't because I very well knew the day, I lose my cool, everything rips apart. He said, 'no' just a word. A bastard who wouldn't shut his big fat mouth isn't arguing, sure, acceptable, it is difficult still okay, but not even having answers to the questions raised on his actions was another shock everybody was hit with. I grabbed onto his collars and made him look into my eyes. Yes, I wasn't the sweet innocent girl who would very promptly challenge you, I was now the girl, the lady who'd rip you apart if she had to. My friends tried to intervene but at this moment they knew better. But he, the one I had lost my heart to he didn't hold back, he was the only one who stood back out of respect for me rather than fear. But as he felt he needs to stop me he came forward immediately. He held on to my hands and got that sick bastard out of my grip. I knew I had to give in, because if I elevate things further my family might have to face some consequences. So, I step back, close my eyes and take a deep breathe. I look into his eyes and tell him how much of a disgust he is to men in general. Because of boys like him, we girls feel uncomfortable making friends, we fear going out of our house into our own streets. Because we never know when we did be taking a risk and when it would lead to us having dire consequences. I reminded him, how we were in a constant fear and paranoia, I told him how some of us respect our traditions, our cultures and so we never escalate things until the right time even with the love of our lives. And how each time we try to look past these barriers, we are met with pain, trauma and disloyalty. All while I said this, his eyes found the ground to be very fascinated while the girls connected to the pain, to the helplessness. And he, my soulmate, my comfort place stood there feeling guilty about so many things too. But I would talk to him later on. I wasn't done with this scum bag. I lunged forward and slapped him hard, this surprised everyone but it surprised me the most. There was just so much anger than I couldn't control myself, I couldn't stop my hand from wanting to slam him on the face for him to remember how to stay within his limits every time he interacts with the opposite sex. I heard a voice say "don't stop yet, you might as well continue slapping him until your rage is all out" I looked behind me and there stood the principal of our college. My eyes expressed the shock I felt and my face couldn't help but fume in presence of that boneless brat. Anyway, the principal walked towards me and I definitely expected here to give a earful but she instead placed her hand on my head and blessed me with a content soul. And upon reading the sock off of my expressions she told me she hadn't seen the boldness in anyone else to stand up to these things except for me and so she's a little more proud of me than she is of others. This was a reassurance, an instant relief to my question of slapping that devil so hard and so mercilessly. However, my frustration wasn't over and ma'am definitely read through it and so she gave me the full permission to beat that piece of shit. And did I need anything else? Yes, just a little look at my prince charming. And as I fixated my attention to his face, his orbs already wanted me to be the lioness I am and devour the evil being. I turned around and if there was terror anywhere on the earth it was in his eyes. He wanted to beg, to plead but couldn't move and I beat me black and blue to my heart's content and until tears started pouring down from my eyes, expressing the pain and disgust I felt, the trauma I experienced. Nowadays, all the touches, hugs and kisses have become so common that it seems empty without that but back in those days, we dint openly touch or hug, so yes it was the trauma and even today if any girl is slightly touched against her will, that trauma and pain will continue to haunt her every day of her life. No matter how many times, she scrubs herself, whatever she does she will always be tormented by that touch. Every girl standing there understood the pain I was going through and every soul felt it, even the boys. Perhaps, it was the first time they realised how big of an impact they, their habits, their behaviours had on us all. And I didn't stop until I felt my heart calm down and until I felt I felt nothing but the ashes of the burnt-out fire which once enlightened my soul. And now, the further consequences he faces will be from the school authorities because principal just discovered this. I had no intention of taking this to her, but she walked in on the matter herself. And now, looking at the scumbag she says "There was once a time, when you had misbehaved with both I and him, my prince charming but at that time I let you go with a very mild punishment but not this time." It almost felt like she roared and the atmosphere was thick with tension, throats dry out of thirst and the culprit started crying. He begged to let him go, to forgive him and he wouldn't repeat this with anyone anymore. He gave up on convincing principal ma'am as he knew it was useless. And so, he turned to me, and I knew this was about to happen. I was very prepared for all of this mess. I looked him straight in the eye as I conveyed - "Touching a girl, even though done unintentionally shakes her core up with a fear that will always remain unknown to men. A girl faces this every time she goes out, every time she's looked at inappropriately, commented on and forced for things she doesn't want to give into. Basically, a girl faces this every time she breathes and thus this was that one mistake, I would never forgive anyone for. This is the one crime I did want the culprit to be punished in the most brutal ways possible. Because every time a girl is misbehaved with, it haunts every single one of us. We all tend to place ourselves in the heart wrenching and blood curdling situation and we are shaken with fear, agony and filled with rage and disgust. A girl creates life but time and again her life is being put at stake and this shall not continue to happen." This was enough for him and everyone around me to understand I wouldn't forgive him, not now, not ever. Because, he knew what he was doing was going to make me uncomfortable and yet he went on with it because he wanted to get his stupid ego satisfied so be it. Let him have his ego satisfied and his college id taken away. Let him be one of those who realizes how actions have consequences, dire and unchangeable ones. And with this he is taken away by ma'am as his friends tag behind him to maybe support him? Or cut their ties with him? I don't know and right now, at this very moment neither do I care.

Author's note.

hey people, I love you all and here comes an update. I know I was gone for a very long time. I definitely had busy days lol. But posting here was always in the back of my head and now here I am. Of course, there's maybe one more chapter (I guess) and maybe it will come out this week? Maybe lol. And I hope you all enjoy this.

love you all, xoxo.

- lifieee.