calling out to you

10. anna

08:33 pm

Isaac
Hey you.
I was just thinkin about this party Eve's throwing tmrw and I thought u might wanna yk join me.
Ik its stupid right but wud u maybe wanna come with?

You
  Hey
That sounds so cool and I wud love to but
I don't think its my vibe tmrw so im gonna skip it.
Next time for sure tho :)

Believe me, I don't like to be the asshole here but I don't think I am in the right headspace to become someone's girlfriend right now. Or maybe not Isaac's. He might just be the sweetest guy I have ever met but that's not me, I don't want to hurt him later. He deserves so much better, something that I just can't be.

12:55 am

These can not be just coincidences. I pulled out my diary from the side table, trying to look for answers in anything I have found out when my meeting with Peter replays in my mind.

Stay away from her. Its for your own good.

The same thing he said to my mother. It feels like Peter might know more than he is letting on and somehow, all of that relates to Addy and her family. I have had this terrible feeling of guilt and disloyalty in my gut since that meeting. Not being able to tell Addy what I know feels like stabbing her in the back. More so, what if she might actually be in danger and just couldn't say so.

What if she has been the one waiting for me to figure things out and help her but I have just been shutting her out.

I grabbed my pen and dragged a thick red marker across her name. She does not need to be on my POI list, she needs to be with me and I need to be a better best friend, just like my mum was.

If all of this does somehow trace back to Addy, I think one more person earns a place on my list, someone with answers. And I need Addy with me for this one.

Hey Ads,
I think I have to tell u smthing. Meet me at our stop @8 tmrw?

08:33 am

"What the actual Fuck Anna."
I had prepared my self for all, all her anger, all her frustration but I could never come to peace with all her disappointment. The look of betrayal in her eyes tore my heart to pieces but this was not about me. If anything, I was the one tearing her heart apart and everything bitter she had to say was true.
"I am sorry Addy, I know I should have told you." "Hell yes."
The truth was that I had no excuses, no reasons as to conceal anything, just this feeling. This feeling that I might be on to something that Addy might have been hiding. But after the day I had with my mom, I understood what all she had to grow through, I understood what an absolute bitch I was being, hiding things from the one that got me started on the first place.

"I just don't understand why couldn't you tell me this in the first place."
"I think I was just worried how you might react to all of this, what if you didn't like what you heard and stopped me from continuing. I really think I am, we are onto something here. Also, Peter had zero reliability then but after my mom confirmed what he said, I thought you should actually know."
"Sorry but that was a dick move Anna. I would never have done that to you"
"I have no excuses for that. I am just really sorry."

Addy hesitated for a minute, exhausted by my lies. I could still read all the disappointment in her eyes as she grabbed my hands, "I know you need answers, I do too. Specially now," she said, "But we have to be in this together. Be a better friend Anna."

10:34 am

She waved at me from across the lockers but I knew she didn't mean it. She was hurt and I was responsible and that hurt me even more. This was not going to be easy but I know I will fix this.
I turned around to grab my things and head towards my lit class when someone swooshes past me and as creepy as this might sound, I felt him. That's how it had been for the past few weeks, I can feel his eyes on me every time. And as much as I try to fight it, there is something about him that is so sad, it intrigues me.

"Hey Blythe. Where you going." He joins me, our steps synchronizing.
"Following you it seems." I say, teasingly.
"Ah I never would have pegged you as the stalker type now." He said trying to act offended but ended up looking cute. He took two steps longer than mine and blocked me with his body resting against the lockers. His eyes slowly settle on mine, "There is a party tonight, at Eve's. Your presence," he gently took my hand and placed a soft kiss on it, "is kindly requested."

"What about texting me the deets stunner." I tightly cross my arms against my chest as if that could have stopped him from entering my heart.
"Now where is the romance in that."
I slightly push him away, determined to reach my class and to get away from him. But he catches up with me again, "Is that a yes."
I turned around, "Maybe."

07:23 pm

"why are you looking pretty?" addy made a face as soon as the door opened. "And are those flowers and chocolates?" she said grabbing them from my hands.
"They are for you." I said making my way into the house. I was not kidding when I said I would fix this. "And this." I threw her a black, strappy, glitter-y, body-con, bundled up dress, "is what you're wearing."
"excuse me?"
"I know I have been a bitch but I never meant to hurt you. I am sorry that I didn't tell you and I'm sorry that I am stupid but I can not lose you so I am gonna make it up to you."

"Hmm. Say more." She said with the smallest of smiles on her face. "I know you have been having trouble with Leah so I did something."
"what did you do now?" she said looking scared, which she should be because keeping my past records in mind, I don't think I have the best decision-making skills but something in me thinks this might just work.
"I called to tell her why you have been so pre-occupied and that she should hear you out so she agreed."
"She did?" Her eyes sparkled with happiness which sent a rush of calm throughout my body.
"Yeah, at Eve's party today. So, I went some shopping and I bought these flowers and chocolates for you to give to Leah and also." I point towards the dress, "That. Because you need to look hot today."
I thought that this was going well but a motionless, expressionless Addy had me confused. I carefully replayed the entire conversation in my head trying to figure out what wrong did I do now when a figure pulled me into the warmest of hugs.
"This doesn't mean that I have forgiven you." She said tightening her grip, "But thank you."
~~~