The Rent Boy (EDITING)

Chapter Thirty-One: Losing Myself-

    "What're you doing here?" Alex's voice eventually broke the silence. It didn't sound like he was all too happy to see me, but I couldn't really give a fuck right now. And if he was gonna start with an attitude, I wasn't in the mood to just sit back and take it. 

    "I do still live here," I stated, mimicking his tone. 

    "Oh, really? S'funny cause, I never see you around here anymore." 

    "And you wonder why that is?" I said, looking Alex up and down. His upper lip twitched in irritation. 

    "Too good for us now, is that it?" He replied, but I tried not to rise to his words. He knew damn well that wasn't what I meant. He stood up and took a few steps towards me. My eyes spared a glance towards Tyler, who was staring at Alex with slight amusement. 

    "Alex, what's your problem?" I said tiresomely. I really wanted him to just give up the cockiness. I was sick and tired of it. It was almost like Tyler and Alex had swapped personalities, he was getting that annoying. 

    He shrugged carelessly, his arrogance showing through the easy smile he wore. "I don't have a problem. What's your problem? You look like shit. Has the little rich twat finally realised he's paying too much for too little?" 

    My fingers flexed by my sides. It's not that Alex's words were really getting to me, just the fact that I really, really was itching for a fight. I'd been feeling tense ever since I heard Logan was in the hospital, and laying my anger into someone seemed like a real good way to relax, right about now. I wasn't letting my reasonable side speak as Alex took another step. I just really wanted that release.

    "Or is it that Logan fellow? Has he finally realised how worthless you really are?" But those words, those words hit a nerve. My left hand balled into a fist as soon as he said his name. The way he said it, I hated the sound of Logan's name coming from his mouth. As he took another step forward, he noticed that he'd pissed me off and his lips curled into a proud smirk. 

    I wouldn't ever have dreamed of hitting Alex, or feeling this hatred that I had towards him now. But this wasn't the same Alex as before, and I was sick of holding back. So I let go, and my fist lunged forward, connecting with the side of his jaw. I heard the satisfying smack of my fist against his face. He stumbled backwards, a little from shock and a little from the actual impact. 

    I took his shock as an advantage and threw my fist out again, hitting roundabout the same place. Alex tripped over himself and ended up falling to the floor. All I could think about was the way he said Logan's name, and the fact that he was using that to get at me. To hurt me. I couldn't stand it. I hated this Alex. 

    I knew that I shouldn't be taking everything out on him, it was the wrong thing to do, but I couldn't stop myself as I grabbed his jumper with one hand, and punched him again with the other. Again and again, all my anger and frustration was going into those hits. Everything I felt about Logan, about the fact that no matter what, I was probably going to lose him.

    Thoughts of the promises I'd made Alex to look after him and be there for him, flashed through my mind, but it didn't matter. I wasn't about to stop on my own terms. So my fist just kept colliding with his cheek, his jaw. I saw blood, but that still didn't deter me. 

    What surprisingly stopped me, was Tyler grabbing me by the shoulders and dragging me off the kid, tossing me to the floor. I immediately jumped to my feet, not thinking clearly and only wanting to go back for more, because despite the fact that I knew it was wrong, it felt so fucking good. But Tyler stood there, in the middle of the two of us. 

    Alex was still laid on the floor, curling in on himself and sputtering coughs here and there. I looked down at my left fist, which was shaking from the adrenaline the situation had caused. I had a small cut on the middle knuckle, which was probably caused by catching the skin on Alex's teeth, at some point. 

    I couldn't see the damage I'd done to Alex, properly. But I guessed there must have been quite a bit of blood, as I had some on my hand that wasn't my own. My breathing was still heavy, my hands still shaking, but my reasonable side was now making an appearance, and guilt followed closely behind it. 

    Tyler glanced down at Alex, and I thought for a second that he was gonna bend down to see if he was okay, but instead he simply shrugged and guided me out the door. I was too hyped up to find the part in me that gives a fuck, and fall down by Alex's side, muttering apologies and all that shit. In the back of my mind, I believed he deserved it. Maybe I knocked some sense into him. 

    Tyler lead me out the flat door, where we wandered down to the floor below ours, that was vacant. I took a seat in the middle of the stairs, letting my head fall into my arms that were balancing on my thighs. It was only just setting in that what I did to Alex was wrong. It scared me, actually, the way I had been thinking. The fact that it didn't click inside my head that I needed to stop, no matter how good it felt. 

    "Feel better afta tha'?" Tyler's voice sounded amused, as he sat down beside me, nudging me with his elbow. I raised my head to look at him, the answer clearly stated on my face. "I guess not, then, ey?" 

    "What the hell got into me," I muttered to myself. I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my hands, groaning with frustration. "Fucking kid." Tyler laughed at that. 

    "You know, I never would'a thought I'd see the day where I 'ad to pull you'se offa him," he laughed again, and I joined in with a small huff.

    "No shit," I mumbled, staring at my hand that was still stained with Alex's blood. "That's not Alex anymore, though, is it?" I turned my gaze towards Tyler. Tyler gave me a sympathetic look.

    "Nah, still th' same kid. He's jus' a bit fucked up right now. Doesn' really know what he's doin', where he's goin'. This i'nt the sorta life for 'im." 

    "This isn't the sort of life for anyone," I corrected, rolling my head forward again. "I'm sick of this life, Ty. Everything just goes wrong. It...it makes you feel like things are gonna be okay, it makes you believe things are getting better, and then it just fucks you over."

    "Wha's happened?" He asked, shuffling back until he was against the wall, and his feet were up on the stairs with us. Almost like he was getting comfortable for a long story. 

    "The shit's just hit the fan, hasn't it?" I sighed. "I just feel lost, you know? Alex has fucked himself up with drugs and Logan, god," I had to take a deep breath to hold off the tears for a little longer. "Logan's in a coma." Tyler leaned forward after hearing that, shock evident in his eyes.

    "How th' fuck?" 

    "I dunno. He told me he had cancer a few days ago and, next thing I know he's in the hospital. They don't think he's gonna pull through." 

    "Jesus," 

    "And now I don't even feel like myself. I don't know how much more I can take, Ty. Ever since I was fifteen, things just haven't gone right, have they? Not really." I covered my face with my hands, just as the tears were beginning to push through again. 

    "I just really miss Logan." Were the last words I could say before I started crying, and my voice was nothing more than a sob.