A night out

(un)recognizable

**might be triggering to those who struggle with an eating disorder**

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Astraea's P.O.V.

"WAKE UP, BREAKFAST IS IN 5 Y'ALL BETTER GET YOUR ASSES TO THE DINING ROOM!!"

Fuuuuuuuck. I can't even move my pinky toe and Nick, the supervisor of our floor is calling us for breakfast. I'm not eating it anyways so there's just no point in getting up. Bed life it is.
"Get up Rae we gotta get some food in. It's a pudding day, you love puddings."
Shit not a pudding day. I do love those but the voice inside was loud and overpowering, It was determined to prove to me that I don't need it and I'd only regret it.
"Not today I don't. You goooo, I need to learn how to be human again."
I felt like utter and complete shit. The drugs and the alcohol are fun while they last but the morning after makes me not wanna do them ever again. Ever.
"Fine, I'll bring you some in case you change your mind."
"Don't bother."
"Rae no, we've been through this. I know what you're tryna do and it's not gonna work."
"Fuck you Ash I'm just hungover. If I eat I'll puke." That's not entirely a lie.
"Sometimes I wanna hit you, and this is one of those times. Goodbye and enjoy your loneliness while I make love to my pudding." Thank you universe for making him give up on the idea of me eating today. I hate eating when I feel like this because it just makes me feel even more disgusted in myself than usual. The feeling of a full stomach makes me uncomfortable and ashamed. My fear of getting fat doesn't help with that either.

It's been hours since Ash left, what the fuck is taking him so long. It's already lunch time and he's still not back. I'm gonna kill him if he went to chill with the others without inviting me. Not like I'd come anyways but the thought counts.
Oh, well.I guess I'm just gonna have to try to get up and get my shit together. Key word - try.

After what seemed like a century I finally get up, take my towel and go to the bathroom to take a shower, bringing my fresh clothes with me as well since I know the hallways are crowded at this time and I don't want these pervs looking at my jiggling butt.

"Oh shit Rae, you look like a zombie." Leo, one of my friends says. He's the most honest person here. I have no idea what he's doing in a place like this because he looks like one of those boys who stay on the good side. But I guess "don't judge a book by it's covers" is the right thing to add to his record. He's a genuinely nice and lovely person, you can't hate him even if you want to. He's just too sweet for that. Boys used to underestimate his power and tried to attack him but he knocked them down faster than they threw the first punch.

I look in the mirror after a shower, and really, I looked like a zombie, and an ugly one for that matter. Dark circles around my eyes, darker then Ashton's, Calum's and my wardrobe all together. My hair was fading into a silver color which I really liked and my cheekbones looked more prominent than they usually do. Nice.
I put my clothes on. Laced leggings, tight black crop top with a flower kimono over it and a pair of black Nike's. The authorities here often wonder how I keep getting new clothes but I tell them some random relative is sending it and I just pick it up when we get the free time to go out. Bullshit. But if they knew my clothes comes from the money I make off weed they'd probably send me to some place worse than this, if that even exists.

After I've finished getting my shit together I walk out the bathroom feeling like a completely new and refreshed person. Going back to the room and spending my day mourning over the loss of brain cells caused by last night's event was just not an option anymore, so I decide to go see what Tom's doing.

As I enter my room after chilling at Tom's with the rest of the boys for a few hours, smoking weed and recovering with a coffee while they drank beer, I see Ash on his bed and Cal on mine, both making some unidentified sounds. My phone rings so I pick it up.