Wishes of the Thousand Yearnings

SINGING

Today is the day before the school events. Sizhui pondered for a while, hesitating in front of the piano. Not so sure of what to do... He played several pieces but none fits the moment nor his taste.

He stood up and walk by the window when he heard a melodious voice. He looks outside the window only to find Yin Qing singing beneath the maple tree. The scenery fits his red hair and the red maple leaves freely flowing.

He watched him and feel so relaxed. It had never occurred to him but Yin Qing has the most outstanding voice among them.

"My stalker?" He heard him, "still preoccupied with what song you are going to play?"

"Mmm... I can't select which one to play..."

"Of you cannot think, would you like practicing with me?"

Sizhui smiled, he opened the windows and proceeded to the piano. He sat and plays the keys, whole Yin Qing place his head above his arm while poking inside by the window for better hearing.

They started their duet. They are both smiling. Numerous passers also listened and were smiling. One of them was Jin Ling.

"You seemed jealous Jin Ling..." Teased Zizhen.

Jin Ling just huffed at the sight and stomped his feet away.

Sizhui and Yin Qing's duet ended, "now... I can truly sing tomorrow... No wonder I feel at ease if I always let you listen to me..."

There was a sudden pause on Sizhui's part. The word 'always' struck his curiosity. They have never been close... For god's sake, this person was aloof.

But the sensation of listening to him always reminds him of familiarity. The ease whenever he feels nervous. He always saw the dark robe man with a black gleaming flute on his lips.

He shook his head at the thought. Impossible. It was just hallucinations. Or a fantasy... Or a dream... He refused to believe that it had existed...

But he cannot deny the feeling...

"You know... When you truly love someone, it may be hard to express those emotions through words. Real love may make you feel weak in the knees until you are unable to speak. That's the song you played last time..." Yin said, "Perhaps it could be the best type of love – where the other person makes you fall so completely in love that you are unable to think properly... The yearning... The longing... The best and the worst thing about love is that it cannot be expressed in words."

They paused, "even if you believed it to be just a dream... A fantasy... That one moment will always stay in the heart of the person who had truly loved... Inside the person left behind... Forgotten... That was the meaning of the song you played..."

Sizhui can't believe the words from him. He spoke with the true meaning and conviction of the song he had been taught. As if, the one in front of him knows it. The confusion came to his mind again. Until he heard his song the same song he and his father shared.

He crunched back, memories of childhood, in the dark abyss, the scourging flame, the screams, and painful cries.

His slender fingers reached for the keys as if he was possessed, he played the same sad song, full of regret, longing, and agony. Ever since he was small, the song was part of his memory, as if it was engraved in his entire being. He felt a sudden pang in his chest, which made him cry. His head is as if it's getting split.

He knew it was guilt... It was regretful...

He continued the song until he can no longer take the pain. With the sound of the flute reverberating in his head. Following its lead.

A flash of memory filled his mind of a small child planted in a radish field, and a black-robed man whose face cannot seem. The child clinging to the black robe man. The scenery changed into an ethereal paradise and a child buried beneath rabbits and a man with golden eyes fondly watching him.

He grabbed his chest and uneven breath, he saw a bloody circle with a man in white at the center, lying motionless, whose forehead ribbon tied around his eyes, and a skinny black robbed man whose body was painted with blood chanting words cannot understand. A flash of red and blue which turned into a bright golden light emerged from the creepy circle. Only to find, the white-clothed man standing with a blade on his right hand swinging dangerously. The bright light showed cracks and a heartbreaking wail.

His tears were uncontrollable. He felt nauseous with all the images in his head. His heart almost stopped when he saw a young lad, jump within the circle... And the next thing he saw, was the disappearance of the bloody circle, and a young lad in white struck by the blade of the blindfolded man... What made him stunned, even more, the young lad was struck by the blade together with the black robe man.

He saw the black robe man reach for the blind man with his right hand while the left embraced the young lad, uttering the words which break his heart, 'I'm sorry... I'm sorry...

I just love you so much...'

Sizhui felt a warm hand that refrained him from playing the piano keys and with a sudden spun, arms engulfing him in a tight embrace. No words, no apologies, the arms secured him from all the pain he is feeling now.

"JUST FUCKING STOP IT!" Sizhui snapped. His eyes open at the man hugging him right now.

"JUST STOP THE GODDAMN SINGING YIN QING!!" Jin Ling roared.

Yin Qing took a step back with all the shouts.

"I'll stop..."

Sizhui glanced at Yin Qing and saw the sad face he was making as if he was about to cry. Yin Qing gave him a look of apology and walked away.

Jin Ling, then faced the previous wailing man in his arms, "just what the fuck are you doing?! You're crying miserably just playing the fucking piano! And that bastard just continued his goddamn singing! You are even screaming hysterically!"

Sizhui heaved as his shoulder did not stop shaking. He closed his eyes and lean on Jin Ling resting his head on the other man's shoulder

There was a moment of pause, "thank you..."

It was loud enough for Jin Ling to hear.

"Thank you for being with me..."

Now he knew why his father told him that he had always felt for Jin Ling. He taught that it was just a joke... He did not take it seriously.

But now he is eating what he had said.

Wangji told him, that he loves Jin Ling.

Yeah... It's true... Never been true...

For all those years that they have been together...

He knew for sure what he felt.

The feeling of being secure and confident...

The feeling of someone there to make you smile and at the same time can comfort you...

He knew... He was grateful...

He wanted to say...

'For letting me fall in love with you... Thank you...'

But he can't...

...to be continued...