Against Reason

Chapter Thirty Eight - Bun In The Oven

But if I leave them, do I keep this baby? If I do, Danny will want to be apart of it's life and I'm not sure I want them growing in such confusion. 

Abortion is an option, thankfully still legal in the state of New York. I'm nowhere near against getting one, but it doesn't feel right for me personally. 

Even if I talk to Danny, it's my choice in the end. Always my choice, since I'd be carrying the damn baby for 9 months and dealing with the aftermath of pregnancy. 

Oh god and pregnancy? So beautiful, but also a little frightening. I'd have so much support along the way, but so much can still go wrong. 

Fuck, I need to stop overthinking all this. I need to eat, relax and give my body time to rest and recover from today's madness. All this thinking won't solve anything, all I can do is rest and let my mind and body recover as much as they can for tonight. 

Walking back out into the living area, I take a seat on the couch and plant myself in front of the TV. The news currently plays and I scower for the remote, because even if I usually love the news, it reminds me of Danny. 

We always read the newspaper together or sit and watch the news. It was always a quiet moment for us, since the girls have no interest in the news. They rather despise it really. 

Finding a random movie, I snuggle into the blankets and watch the film with a numb mind, nothing in me interested in fully watching it. 

A warm presence sits down next to me, Mary's arms circling around me like a glowing gold string of love and protection. I let go of my held breath and my entire body falls into a limp relaxation, making a few tears fall. 

"I'm scared," I whisper. 

Her hold on me tightens. "You don't have to be, because i'll protect you from the monsters," she tells me and I let out a shaky breath. 

"Is the food here yet?" I ask and she laughs lightly. 

"Yeah, I'll go get it," she tells me, and she heads to the front door just as a knock echos through her snug apartment. 

A few distant mutters of conversation is heard, before delicious food is planted on the table in front of me. I sit up and practically rip open the McDonalds bag like a starved raccoon, unveiling fries, burgers and nuggets. 

"We having visitors?" I joke, seeing all the food. 

Mary smiles. "You haven't eaten all day and now you're eating for two," she says. "I figured you be just a little hungry," she giggles and I join her. 

"You'd be correct," I say, stuffing a bunch of fries in my mouth. "Mmm, this is needed," I hum in delight, the food hitting the right place in my grumbling stomach. 

It's nice to just relax and eat some comfort food, nothing like a warm hug from a much needed feast. A savoury day ending on a sweet treat. 

***

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Mary asks for the 500th time this morning. 

I sigh, looking up the familiar brownstone, feeling the same nerves I felt when I first started this job here. "No, I need to do this on my own," I send her a gentle smile and she nods. 

"Okay, call me when you can," she says firmly, hugging me tightly and I hug her back. 

"I will," I say, before she hops back in her car and I begin my journey up the front steps. 

It's only been a few days since everything blew up, but I didn't want to push everything under the rug and continue tripping on it. So, to save myself unlimited anxiety, I'm facing it all sooner rather than later.