Against Reason

Chapter Thirty Six - Dire Straits

And what will happen to Nicki? He's only 17, he's still considered a child. What charge of manslaughter will he get? Will the jury and judge provide any sort of sympathy towards him? 

Yes, he took drugs and alcohol, and chose to drive under those heavy influences. Though he only did due to mental health issues, spanning from his early childhood and I wonder if we'll have to bring those up in court?

Does it matter if Danny wants to give him a full charge or not? Or is it the court that decides all this? I don't want him to face the maximum penalty of 25 years in prison, I can't, not when he's finally better. 

He's finally happy. Yes, he has his mishaps and stupid fights, but nothing horrendous or future crushing. His grades a good, he's amazing at football and is in the running for captain next year as a senior. 

I mean, he already has college scouts taking peeks at his plays and keeping up with him. I can't fathom everything falling to shit, for something so long ago. 

But the consequences were deadly, his chosen actions caused a death of an innocent. Is it bad I wish it was someone else he'd killed?

Or that someone else was recklessly driving and hit Danny's ex-wife, not him? I'm fucking crazy for thinking such things. But I'm desperate, as I tip-toe across the borderline and sway from side to side. 

Hanging on by a mere string, wondering when I'll fall. I can't see Nick go to prison, as much as I know how much pain he caused Danny and his family. He's my brother, he's everything to me and I'm selfish to want him to be free from prison. 

I don't want him to fall again, because I don't know if he'll go down alone. I'm not sure I'll stay on the edge of his hole, because what am I suppose to do without my brother? 

I've protected him my whole life and I'll continue to do so, even if I'm wrong. Because I know him and he'd never do such a reckless thing if he new it would've caused such a consequence. 

Being trapped and controlled by the plague in your mind, it's another kind of torture. People don't understand the noose constantly around your neck, until the rope is squeezing and itching at their own skin. 

My hand knocks three times at the door, my duffle bag loosely hanging between my chilled fingers. The door to Mary's apartment swings open, but I don't look up at her, my head hung as if the noose snapped my neck. 

"Daph'?" her soft voice questions, her hands laying delicately on my shoulders. 

All it took was her soft touch to make me collapse. "Mary," I choke out between the sobs and fall into her embrace. 

She hugs me tightly as I fall to the ground, her arms around me tightly as she holds me to her lap. I grip onto my shirt as I let it all fall, every selfish thought, every question, every nauseas forthcoming fantasy. 

She just holds me, not saying anything, but she doesn't need to. "Lets go inside," she whispers and I say nothing, just let her help me to my feet. 

Leading me further into her apartment, we get to her bedroom and she takes off my coat. "Sit," she tells me softly and I do as she tells me. 

My body stills and the tears leak, the sobs gasping on their own and Mary continues to undress me from head to toe, until I'm left in my underwear. 

"You're freezing Daph', I'm gonna run you a bath. You stay under the covers while I get it ready for you, okay?" she says, holding my face and I nod. 

Getting under the covers, I here the squeak of her bath tap and the trickle of water. Tears soak her silk pillow and I grip onto her soft covers as the questions send shivers up my spine.