Cigarettes and Daydreams (Erudite Series #1)

Kapitulo 21

"Nagugutom ka?" tanong ko kay Chance nung lumabas siya mula sa PGH isang umaga.

Tumango si Chance. Inabot ko sa kanya ang supot ng kababayan na binili ko mula roon sa binilhan ko ng pan de regla dati. Tinanggap niya 'yon at sinimulan ang pag-kain habang naglalakad kami papunta sa kainan na madalas naming kainan.

"Calisse," nilingon ko siya. "Can we eat in Rob for today? I'll pay,"

Aangal sana ako, kaso naisip kong palagi nga pala siyang nagpaparaya para lang mura ang makain namin at hindi niya ako malibre. Hindi masama kung pagbibigyan ko siya... May dala naman akong sandwich, e. Iyon na lang ang kakainin ko habang kasama siya.

"Pwede naman, sige." Ang pagod niyang ngiti ay lumitaw.

Hinablot niya ang kamay ko at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. Hindi ako umangal.

"What do you want?" inabot sa amin ang menu nung waiter. "Hindi ako bibili," agap ko.

"What? Then, why did you agree?" tumingin ako sa waiter at medyo nahiyang sagutin si Chance dahil sa presensya nito.

Napansin iyon agad ni Chance, kaya naman pinaalis niya muna ang serbidor. Saka ako nagsalita.

"May baon akong sandwich, ito na lang kakainin ko. Order ka lang ng iyo," nalukot ang mukha ni Chance dahil sa sinabi ko, tila isang shirt na pinilipit para mapiga at masampay.

"Calisse," he touched his forehead and looked... frustrated. "Chance, sige na, um-order ka na nang makakain ka. Ayos lang ako."

He sighed. "Can't you pull down your pride just for today?" bumaba ang tingin ko sa la mesa bago nahihiyang tumingin sa halamang katabi ng upuan ko.

"Parang ang mahal kasi rito," anas ko. "I told you, I'll pay. I know that you rarely treat yourself to a fulfilling and delicious meal. So, please, let me treat you when I want to."

Ilang segundo ang pinalipas ko bago unti-unting tumango. He called back the waiter. We told what we wanted and got left alone again.

"You're embarrassed to be treated by others because you know you can't reciprocate. But remember that I do this not because I want anything in return. I go to your house because I want to see you. Tinatawagan kita kasi gusto kong marinig boses mo, at nililibre kita kasi gusto kong nakikita kang busog at masaya."

I felt... like a baby. It was as if a mother had continuously caressed me only because she loved me and nothing else. This was what Chance was doing to me, he was giving me strong affection in different ways because he simply wanted to. I guess I had grown attached to the idea that everything comes with a price. I mean, that was life, right?

"You often buy me kababayan and toasted siopao, but I never told you that you didn't have to, right? It was because I knew that you wanted to do that for me because of your feelings, not because you wanted me to also buy you something in return, obviously."

"Pasensya ka na, iniisip ko lang kasi na ang mahal nung mga bagay na ibinibigay mo sa 'kin. Parang hindi patas na tig-bente o trenta lang 'yung binibili ko para sa 'yo, tapos ilang daan 'yung binibili mo para sa 'kin."

He sighed. "Do you remember your birthday gift to me?" hindi man alam kung bakit nasali iyon sa usapan, tumango pa rin ako bilang sagot.

"It was the simplest gift I have ever received in my life. It didn't cost you anything, right?" tumango ako muli. "But it was the most special for me. Do you know why?"

Umawang ang ibabang labi ko at naalala ang gabi nung ginawa ko ang tula. I kept telling myself that what mattered most was that I was sincere in creating that gift. But, now, I kept on weighing the monetary value of what I gave versus what he gave. I didn't immediately realize that this was Chance whom I liked. He didn't ever make me feel like whatever I gave was meaningless because... I was genuine whenever I did give him something.