Mended

13

Of course. He could be on the verge of death, and his first concern would still be one of us. Sometimes, I wondered if Ethan knew that he was the most selfless person I'd ever met. How could he not see it?

"She's okay," I answered, momentarily glancing down at my sister before returning my attention to Ethan. "Elijah and I talked to her."

"About what?"

"Don't worry about it," I told him. Ethan's gaze flashed towards me, and I prepared myself for the harsh words to come next. Hell, I expected it, but it never happened. They never came.

Instead, he nodded and looked away in silence.

And I began to wonder if the things he said to hurt us were better than this—this silence coming from him. This was unbearable. This was what I'd seen in his gaze tonight when he'd first walked into the room.

This was what had scared me because it reminded me too much of Izzy when she'd been seventeen.

"Ethan."

He refused to look at me, but I knew he heard the way my voice broke. I lifted one hand up to reach for his shoulder and squeeze. Still, he kept his gaze away.

"Ethan, look at me."

He refused. It was like he didn't even hear me.

"They didn't abandon you. If they had the choice, they would have never left you."

This time, the only indication that told me he heard me was the subtle intake of breath. His chest caved as he exhaled, his head still turned away from me.

I placed my hand on his back. His muscles tensed under my fingers, but he didn't make any move to push me away.

"Mom loved you more than anything," I continued, my voice barely a whisper. "Dad did, too. Ethan, it would've killed them to see you like this."

He stayed silent.

"There are so many people who love you. And you don't even see it." I paused. "How do you not see it?"

Still, he wouldn't look at me.

"I love you," I said softly. "Elijah loves you. Kaiden loves you, despise the horrible things you two say to each other. Caleb loves you. Izzy probably loves you more than she loves anything else in the world." I laughed quietly at that, quickly glancing down to see that she was still asleep. "Rose, Chase, Damien, Aiden, Alastair, Olivia, Noelle, our grandparents, your friends, and God knows there's so many others. Ethan, so many people care about you."

Ethan's head turned slightly towards me, but I still couldn't see his face.

"You never deserved anything that happened to you, do you know that?" I whispered. "Nothing. You may not say it, but I know that some part of you believes you do because you couldn't save them. That's why you're doing this to yourself."

I went quiet, not willing to continue and not really knowing how until I received a response from him. I was sure that I wasn't going to get one until he proved me wrong.

"I don't know how to stop."

His voice was so quiet I barely heard him. Ethan finally turned his head towards me, his dark grey eyes shining with a million emotions. It was vulnerability that I'd rarely ever seen in him.

"Stop what?" I questioned softly.

Ethan's throat shifted as he swallowed. "Hurting myself."

I froze, the blood draining from my face. Maybe, a part of me had always known that was why he did everything he did, but hearing him say it...