Waiting Tables

Chapter 23 - Making Improvements

    "I have a hard time trusting people. My dad left before I was born because he didn't want a kid, and my first real boyfriend pretended like he was in love with me just to have sex with me. He was cheating on me the whole time,"

    "Oh, Ash," Luke cooed, desperately wanting to reach out and hold the boy. But he wasn't sure what he was allowed to do, so he didn't.

    "He was seeing a couple people on the side, all whilst being super clingy and 'overprotective'. I wasn't allowed to see certain people or do certain things because he didn't like it. I didn't think much of it at the time, but he was verbally abusive. Once I found out he was seeing other people, it broke me."

    "That's understandable, love. No one wants to be treated that way."

    Ashton kept going.

    "So I vowed from then on that I wasn't going to get close to people.  I wasn't close with my family for obvious reasons. Friends had let me down, not telling me that Nick was seeing other people even thought they knew, and the only person I'd ever loved had cheated on me...everything hurt so much, so I put my heart in a box and decided I only wanted shallow relationships that had no meaning. If I didn't put myself out there, then I wouldn't be hurt."

    Luke was a little nervous because Ashton sounded so hollow. He had his knees pulled up to his chest and his chin resting on his legs. He sounded like he was reading a recipe, not spilling his life story.

    "I didn't get close to anyone for years. And then I met you," It was then Ashton looked up at him, and Luke could see tears pooling in the corners of his eyes. "And you were perfect. You proved to me that not all people were ruthless, out for themselves, and some people did care about others."

    "I do care about you, Ash." he choked out. He couldn't believe this boy carried all this hurt all by himself, with no one to rely on. Luke had no idea what he'd do without Harry, Niall, and Michael, let alone his family. And Ashton had been all alone for years.

    "I know. And I thank you for showing me that. But...please don't take this the wrong way," he sighed. "Because it wasn't your fault at all, but I just felt like I didn't deserve you. You're so nice to me for no reason, and here I am, just a broken shell of a man who can't love you back," he sobbed. Luke decided to reach forward, pulling Ashton into his arms.

    "Ash, I do those things because I care about you, it's not because I expect anything or want something from you. I like you, I just want to be with you," I love you, he thought. But now was not the time for that.

    "I know," he whispered, pressing little kisses on the arm that was wrapped around his shoulders. His back was to Luke's chest, they were squished up on the couch, and there was no place Ashton would rather be. "I know you didn't expect anything from me, and that made it worse. If you'd wanted sex, a place to crash, or like, money or something, then it would have been mutually beneficial. But I felt like I was using you because I knew what you wanted, and I could never give it to you." He twisted so he could look in Luke's teary eyes. "But you meant too much for me to let you go at the same time,"

    Luke let out a watery sigh.

    "Ash, it's okay, I promise. I knew what the deal was when we started, you were so very clear." Luke shook his head. "I feel bad because now I feel like I was pressuring you."

    "No, no," Ashton shook his head. "You never made me feel like I had to do anything, you're the only one—" he choked on his words. Luke was the only one who never made him do something he didn't want. Everyone else in his life had let him down, but not Luke.

    "Okay, Amore, relax," he cooed softly, rocking Ashton back and forth gently as he kept sobbing. "It's okay, in through your nose," Luke inhaled how he should. "Hold...and out through your mouth," he exhaled with Ashton. "Good, again," they breathed together a few times until he calmed down.

    "Thank you," he whispered after his breathing was more normal.

    "You don't need to thank me, trust me, it's my pleasure taking care of you. I like being here for you," Luke told him, trailing little kisses on the top of his head.

    Ashton knew he didn't deserve Luke, no matter what the man said. Even though he was being honest with him (and with himself, which he'd never done before) he knew he still couldn't be in a proper relationship with him. Not with Carter around, anyway. And he wasn't likely to get rid of him soon.

    "So what do you want to do now?" Luke asked, speaking into Ashton's hair. "Want to watch a movie, or go for a walk?"

    "Let's go for a walk, I'm feeling a bit antsy."

    "Sure, baby." Luke put his work stuff down and put on his shoes. He held out his hand and he and Ashton left the apartment.

    After a few moments of walking down the street, Ashton started chuckling.

    "What is it?"

    "I was just thinking of something," he said, cutely smiling down at the ground, eyeing their hands that were gently swinging back and forth as they walked. "Back when we first met and you 'sent your car' for me, aka Harry picked me up," Luke fake-scowled and ruffled his hair at the jab. "I asked Harry to tell me about you, and he was being vague and weird, so I thought maybe you were the CEO of Apple or something," he shook his head. "And now I hear you have a deal with them?"

    Luke burst out into laughter, actually stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. Ashton gently pushed him to the side of the street so the people behind them didn't get upset at them blocking the way.

    "You thought I was Steve Jobs?" Luke said through chuckles.

    "He's not the CEO, some other dude is." He had done his research.

    "Technically Steve was the chairman, CEO, and founder, but you're technically right, because he's not alive anymore. I wasn't working with them at the time he was around, though."

    "Well, anyway, Harry accused me of living in some fictitious rom-com world, because obviously you weren't Steve Jobs,"

    "You're very cute," Luke said fondly, smiling when Ashton ducked his head. Luke kissed him. "Let's keep going, I'm getting hungry,"

***

Any thoughts on Ashton's progress ?

I don't really like to get emotional. I try to stay mellow, try to not let things bother me. I had to yell and scream at my stupid landlord so many freaking times today my bp was so high I was seeing spots before my eyes and getting dizzy. That's how pissed off I was at this man. It's ridiculous. My friend was like..you yelled ?? I don't think I've ever seen that.

Bc I'm not that person. But you're gonna lie and try to trick me and believe I'm stupid bc I'm a girl?! Nah buddy you got another thing coming. Fuck you Vinny I hope you see this (lol) anyway have a nice day lmfao

~ashtonfortherwin