How Not to Vampire - Season 2

20: You Can't Resist the Touch of Evil

"Well, if you're possessed, that explains a lot. You've been a bit hot and cold the past couple of weeks, and since I couldn't figure out if it was a vampire thing or you just being a dick, I had to do some research."

"Yeah, that tracks," I admitted and polished off the cookie. "That's a damn good cookie!"

"Have as many as you like."

I grabbed two more from the definitely-not-my cookie sheet. Can't beat hot and ready.

Doreen poked through the pile, clearly looking for something. She produced a black leather-bound bible and held it up triumphantly as she bounced to her feet. "Knew I had it!"

"You know religious stuff doesn't work on vampires, right?" I scoffed, but inside, I could feel a wariness from Ibrahaim.

"You sure? It's worth a try." Doreen shrugged, leaving the possibility hanging.

I tried hard not to think of what it was that I was supposed not to be thinking about. Do you know how hard that is? I don't think you do! I found myself backing away from Doreen, the Bible in her hands suddenly threatening.

"I'll think about it and tell you in the morning," I said unconvincingly. I sidled past Doreen with designs on the bedroom door. The mural of Beatrice seemed to leer at me, but that was just my imagination. I turned back when I reached the door to my bedroom. "Thanks for the cookies, Doreen."

I yawned and stumbled toward the bed, meaning to peel my clothes off. I was suddenly unreasonably drowsy, my lids heavy and eyes unfocused, almost as if I had been drugged.

I glanced at the cookie in my hand and, for the first time, realized that Doreen hadn't eaten any of them. It was almost as if they had been made just for me...

I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

***

I opened my eyes, going from sleeping to full awake in an instant, and goddammit, I was pissed.

My first reaction was to lunge upward as adrenaline rushed through me all at once, fueled by rage and not a little bit of panic. However, that was definitely not going to happen. See, I had been tied to the bed while I was sleeping. One strap was directly across my forehead, another across my chest, then my waist and thighs. My wrists and ankles were bound.

I couldn't fucking move.

"FUCK!" I screamed.

"Oh, settle down, Bob," Louise said calmly from beside the bed. I whipped my head to look at my friend, glad to hear her voice but terrified at the same time.

"You're here to kill me, aren't you?"

"Now, why would you think that?"

"The last time I saw you, you were definitely looking a little stabby."

"Heat of the moment, nothing more. I do apologize if I scared the shit out of you."

"Heat of the moment?"

"Oh, I would have only killed you a little bit. You would have hardly noticed. Barely an inconvenience. It's the only way you see."

"The only way for what?"

"To get that nasty spirit out of your head, of course. Lucky for you, Doreen found a much less painless solution, so now I don't have to kill you anymore."

I realized then, as she spoke, that I could no longer feel Ibrahaim in the corner of my brain anymore. No whispers, no constant testing of my will, no drip, drip, drip of deadly intent. It was peaceful, only the usual inappropriate thoughts and nothing tinged with murdering everyone in sight and bathing in their blood. Not even a little.