Aimless (JJBA)

15 Be There

Bucciarati and Jotaro talked for some time. He asked Jotaro questions about what has been going on. How was he coping? Was the feelings of emptiness still there? How was he coping with his love for Kakyoin?

"Hm," Bucciarati hummed after Jotaro brought up a concern. "It is likely that the antidepressants are bringing down your sex drive. It's quite common. Does it bother you?"

Jotaro thought for a moment. He haven't felt so light without fighting for it in a while. He mostly used sex because he didn't see himself much, and he could get so much temporary happiness and relief. He was slowly beginning to feel better, albeit slowly. And he was okay with that. He finally answered: "No, not at all."

"That's good," his doctor said. "We can continue with the medicine then. Maybe two weeks later, we can video call your next appointment?"

Jotaro nodded.

Bucciarati said, "I'm glad that I could be of service to you. If you need anything before the next two weeks, you can contact me, okay?"

He nodded. He mumbled, "Thank you."

He replied, "No problem at all. I know that depression can mess up a person's mind. It can be really exhausting, and sometimes you feel you can't go on. Just remember, you have a lot of people who love and care about you."

Jotaro sniffed as he could feel himself beginning to lose his composure. He nodded and said, "Yeah. I don't understand why, but they are there."

Bucciarati said, "Just know they love you just as much as you love them."

"Well that's a lot."

"Exactly."

Jotaro wiped his eyes. "Okay." He cleared his throat. "I've been way too emotional lately."

"It's better out than in," he chuckled.

"That's for farts," Jotaro scoffed.

Bucciarati shrugged, "Works both ways."

They talked a bit more before coming downstairs to Jolyne and Giorno.

Jolyne was asking a bunch of questions about the Mafia. She seemed really excited as Giorno talked very even and calmly.

Kakyoin was nowhere to be found.

When Jolyne looked over at the men who arrived, Jotaro asked, "Where is Nori?"

She answered, "He went to his room. He wasn't feeling well."

Jotaro stiffened as he felt nervous about Kakyoin's health.

"He said not to worry, Dad," she said knowing how he felt. "He just needed to rest, but he did say that you could come to his room, if you needed to be reassured."

Jotaro scoffed.

She said quickly, "His words, not mine."

He didn't want to prove Kakyoin right, so he hesitated. He shifted a bit before leaving the three and going upstairs. He went over to Kakyoin's closed door and knocked.

"Jojo?" Kakyoin's voice called through the door.

"Yes."

"Come on in."

Jotaro came in and closed the door behind him. He found Kakyoin laying in bed with the covers up to his chest. He was curled up in a ball. He said, "Hey. This is the first time you came to my room."

...

"You know you don't have to stay at the door, right?"

Jotaro shifted from one foot to the other. He was nervous. He wasn't sure what to do. He slowly walked over to Kakyoin's bed. When he got there, he asked, "Is there anything I can do?"

"Not really," his friend answered. "It will pass eventually." He closed his eyes and grimaced.

Sitting on the side of the bed, he hesitated as he reached over to Kakyoin's head. He combed his hand to his hair gently. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Kakyoin asked.

"I don't know what to do."

"It's okay... This is nice."

Jotaro continued caressing his hair.

There was silence between the two. All that was heard was breathing and Kakyoin occasional grunts.

Then Kakyoin broke the silence, saying, "I don't usually have anyone around like this."

... "So you have been alone most of the time?" Jotaro asked.

"Yeah. It's almost weird seeing the same people for the past two weeks. I could get used to that."

Jotaro said, "You should. Being alone is... painful."

Kakyoin turned his head so that his cheek pinned Jotaro's hand to the bed. He kept his eyes closed. "Yeah, it is." He exhaled, "Your hand is so warm." He smiled. "Why don't you lay down too?"

Jotaro hesitated once again. "Okay." Keeping his hand in place, he laid down face to face with Kakyoin.

"How are you doing?"

"You're asking me?" Jotaro asked.

"Yeah," Kakyoin said. "You have feelings too. So how are you?"

Jotaro thought for a bit as his eyes examined Kakyoin's face. He saw how beautiful Kakyoin was. He always knew how beautiful he was.

And he didn't deserve that beautiful man.

Jotaro gulped. "I'm... I'm okay." He shifted as if he was about to get up.

Suddenly, Kakyoin's hand grabbed Jotaro's wrist. "You don't have to leave..." He finally opened his eyes. "I want you to stay."

"Really?"

"Really."

Jotaro got back comfortable.

"Thank you," Kakyoin whispered. "It's just..." He wiped the unfallen tears from his eyes. "I haven't felt so comfortable in a while, even while I'm in pain. I'm tired of this pain."

Jotaro couldn't help but feel a bit helpless from seeing his close friend in pain and vulnerable. He knew one of the things that could give him a feeling of support. He scooted closer to Kakyoin until they were touching. Jotaro placed his top arm over Kakyoin gently, hoping not to cause him any more pain.

Kakyoin's head laid on Jotaro's bicep. He turned his face into his arm as tears and sweat of exhaustion dampened his arm. He trembled, "I'm sorry."

"Don't go and try to apologize as if you are causing me problems. If you don't let me apologize, then you don't either, Nori."

Kakyoin hiccuped into his arm. More tears came from his eyes. He kept his arms hugging his midrift as he dug deeper into Jotaro's warmth. His cries were filled with pain, exhaustion and relief.

Jotaro didn't want to leave. He wanted to do everything he could for this man. He knew Kakyoin did the same for him. If Kakyoin didn't, Jotaro probably wouldn't have been alive.

Soon Kakyoin was quiet. His breaths evened out. His body relaxed. He didn't say anything.

For a second, Jotaro thought he had fallen asleep. He was soon proved wrong when he looked at Kakyoin.

He was just laying there staring at the star on Jotaro's shirt. He seemed really tired. He barely moved as he looked up at Jotaro. He gave him a soft smile on his damp face.

Jotaro could only send a small smile back.

Kakyoin exhaled a quiet laugh. He whispered, "Thank you."

Jotaro nodded.

He closed his eyes as he fell asleep.

Jotaro was glad to help Kakyoin out on something. He felt bad that Kakyoin had to take care of Jotaro when he had his own problems.

But he guessed that's what love would make a person do.