all our stars, bench trio

chapter ten

"Nah. Might as well expose them early."

I roll my eyes and turn back to the program. I stare at the screen for a couple minutes before burying my face in my hands and loudly groaning.

"Here, can I take this?" Giulia asks. I nod, curious.

She opens the rhythm section. "June, can you sing the first verse real quick while covering your ears?"

"Why do I have to cover my ears?"

"Just do it, June."

I do as she says. She makes a circular gesture as a sign for me to do it again. Halfway through, she pulls my hands off my ears and tells me: "I've got it."

She plays through the beginning. A moderate-quality recording lays over a quick, low, ticking sound.

"Okay, I like that. What do we do with-"

Mum knocks on the open door.

"June, can I talk to you? Hi, Giulia."

Giulia silently waves. I notice myself starting to chew on my lip.

"Yeah, of course." I stand up, my calves trembling beneath me. Giulia gives me two supportive pats on the back.

Mum leads me into the hallway and closes the door behind us. I hear Giulia yelling at the boys.

"Are the boys you wanted to go to England with?"

"What?"

"The boys on your FaceTime call. They're the ones you wanted to go to England with?"

Oh, um. Yeah. Some of them are already in England. They live there, I mean. Not all of them. Tommy and Toby are already in England. Ranboo's in America, still, though. Sorry. Nevermind. This does not matter," I laugh nervously. Mum raises her eyebrow.

"You can go, June. Just promise you'll be safe, and you'll come home the second something happens okay?"

"Wait, really?"

She nods. "And call twice a week, okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um..." I stumble over my words before it comes out. "Than- Thank you."

"You're welcome, love." Mum hugs me, pulls me close to her chest.

"I.. I love you."

"I love you too, dear. I'll let you get back to Giulia and your friends." She brushes stray hairs off my forehead and kisses the top of my head.

I swallow, nod, and head back inside. Giulia's having a swearing match with Tom while Ranboo commentates.

"Giulia scores a low blow while Tom struggles to recover!" Ranboo shouts in a voice resembling a sports announcer.

"Oh, fuckin', shut up, man," Tommy grunts.

"Oohoohoo! Tommy's getting defensive!" Giulia laughs gleefully.

"Am not!" Tom scoffs.

"You are so getting defensive right now."

I sit back down.

"Oh, June! You okay? Do I have to leave or anything?"

I don't answer, instead, I say, "I'm going to the UK."

I've gotten myself more hyped for it over the past couple weeks. I didn't really want to go at first. The idea was too much to process at first, but I've been calling the guys nearly every day since then. I end the call and it's kind of lonely. Quiet. What if it doesn't have to end?