LIV
I wake up to my phone buzzing on the nightstand, and I let it go to voicemail. If my phone hadn't started buzzing again just a second later, I would have gone back to sleep right then. Instead, I pick it up and nearly have a heart attack when I see Opal's name staring back at me.
Just last night, it had seemed like she no longer wanted anything to do with me. The terms we parted on weren't necessarily bad, but it had left a heaviness behind that I couldn't shake.
Even this morning, I felt like the world was slowly crumbling. Something had broken, and yet I couldn't put my finger on what it was.
After a moment of hesitation, I click to accept the call. "Hello?"
"I'm sorry." A pause that sends a shiver up my spine. "About last night."
"You don't have to apologize. And I really shouldn't have pushed you to tell me anything if you didn't want to." The iciness in her gaze flits through my mind, the sharpness in her words stinging all over again.
I still feel her anger, still see it burning like a forest fire as it devoured my brain.
"I shouldn't have taken it out on you." As she talks, I wish I could know what is going on in her mind.
In my opinion, that's a difficult part of conversation with others. With each sentence they say, you are left grasping at straws trying to understand where they are coming from and in what way you should comprehend their words.
"Are you ready to talk about what happened yet?"
"No." A blunt way to shut down my advances, I blink to get rid of the stinging behind my eyes. "Not yet. But maybe later."
For what feels like a minute at least, there's no words exchanged between the two of us. What could we say, really? A silence envelops us, one so heavy that I have to put in more effort to breathe, almost as if an elephant were sitting on top of my chest constricting my lungs.
"Well, I've got to go now." She states, although she doesn't sound enthusiastic about the prospect.
I brush off the thought that maybe it's because she likes talking with me, because that would be absurd. I'm not all that interesting, and several people in my past have made that point clear.
"Have a good day." I reply, pulling my blankets up to my chin. "Bye."
I plan on going back to sleep after this, permitted that my mind will quiet down enough for me to regain that sense of peace. Or, more likely than not, I will be up and running for the day. Breakfast comes to my mind then– a bowl of cereal, or perhaps toast.
"Bye." Opal echoes, and before more can be said she hangs up.
I put my phone back beside me on the nightstand and close my eyes. It takes quite a few minutes, but I do find myself drifting back into sleep.
••••
"Good afternoon," Mom teases when I finally come out of my room.
When I check the clock, I realize that it is in fact past twelve. My heart drops.
I dislike staying in bed so late, a sinking sense of dread in my stomach as I feel like I've missed out on so much.
"Hey." I mumble in response, plopping down on the couch. When before I had been looking forward to breakfast, I have now lost the majority of my appetite.
"Do you have any plans for the day?"
"No. Or at least probably not." I sigh, tucking my legs up underneath me.
Mom sits at the kitchen table, computer before her, typing away. When she doesn't say anything else, I sink into the couch and turn on the TV. Guessing that she probably just didn't hear me because she's so caught up in her work, I decide against saying anything else to bother her more.
Most of my day passes like that, uneventful. Around seven, though, my phone buzzes again.
I go back to my room, close my door, and plop down on the bed. I often prefer to take calls in solitude. When I take the time to actually look at the phone screen, Opal's name is standing out again.
"Hello?" But this time, it's more of a question than a greeting.
It's a rather odd feeling when someone calls you twice in one day, paranoia sweeping through my brain.
"Sorry if I'm bothering you. I just... I think I'm ready to talk about it now."
"Oh. Are you sure? I mean, you don't have to if you don't want. Or you can take more time to think about it."
"No, I'm sure. Are you available to meet up tonight? I'd rather talk about it in person."
"Um, let me ask my mom. Can I text you in a second?" I breathe in and hold it, counting to eight before I exhale again. Honestly, my heart is beating so fast I'm afraid it will explode.
"Yeah, that's fine." Once more, she is the one ending this call.
I head back out to the living room, not quite afraid but apprehensive instead.
It's never been easy for me to ask for things, despite knowing that it's not like my parents will yell or spit mean words in my direction. I just never know how to advocate for myself, I guess.
"Mom?" My voice comes out all squeaky.
"Yes, dear?" She looks up from the work she's seemingly been doing all day, smiling.
I swallow thickly, trying to smile back. "Can I go hang out with a friend tonight?"
"Sure. Who?"
"Opal. She's the one who I told you about a few weeks ago, the one I met at that party." I twist my fingers together.
"I see." She gives me a knowing stare, and I wonder what there is to know that I am not already aware of. "I didn't know you were still talking with her."
"Yeah. Well, we're sorta friends now." My eyes flit everywhere they can except at mom.
She hums, and then nods. "Well, of course you can go hang out. Just don't stay out too late, okay? And be sure to text me when you are on your way home."
"Yeah, totally! Thanks mom." She smiles at me, and I smile back. This time it feels more genuine as it spills across my face, dripping like golden honey over my features.
liv! : I can meet up tonight. where are we going?
oPaL: i'll pick you up. be outside in ten
YOU ARE READING
memento mori
Teen Fiction"remember you'll die," she whispered before taking a drag of her cigarette. at least, i thought, in the end i'll die by your side. •••• after bumping into each other at a party or two, opal and liv - despite al...
