Lost ~ A Chicago Fire story

Chapter 11 - Old enough to understand

~Louella's POV~
It's been 2 months since shay died, I've not felt any emotion since. It's like my emotions are broken. I felt this way when dad died but I was younger then, I didn't totally know what it meant. People say all the time that they feel numb, I never thought you could actually feel numb. People say it's like your whole body doesn't feel like your own and your mind just...stops. I understand it now, the whole world is just going by and I feel like I'm falling behind...

"Come on Lou, it's 8am. Your going to be late" Casey said
"I doesn't matter" Louella said
"I know it's been hard Lou but you can't shut everyone out, it's not good for you" Casey said as he sat on the edge of her bed
"Kelly shut everyone out, I don't see you having this conversation with him" Louella argued
Casey sighed as Dawson walked in
"Go make her some breakfast" She smiled as Casey walked out
"Shay wouldn't have wanted you to act like this, she knows your tougher than this" Gabby said as she took Casey's spot on the edge of her bed
"Yeah well shay isn't here anymore" Louella said as she picked up her phone
"When was the last time you spoke to her?" Gabby asked
"The day shay died" Louella said
"That was 2 months ago Lou!" Gabby said
"She still texts me every day, to check in. But I don't reply" Louella said
"Come on, let's get you ready for school" Gabby sighed

Louella arrived in school an hour late, she was sat in English. Anna walked in and was more than shocked to see her
"Hey" Anna smiled as she sat down
Louella just looked towards the front
"I'm sure she would be proud of you for coming back" Anna smiled

Meanwhile at Casey's place Kelly has just rolled out of bed, he hasn't showered nor eaten.
"You stink, you need a shower" Casey said
"I know" Kelly said as he grabbed a beer
"A beer? It's 10 am?" Casey asked
"And?" Kelly said as he sat down
"You need to pull yourself together, whatever this is! It's affecting lou!" Casey raised his voice
"Well I'm sorry that my best friend died!" Kelly yelled
"You don't think I wanted to crumble when Darden died! I wanted to not shower everyday and not eat a thing! His death broke me! But I didn't want to see that 14 year old girl crumble along with me!" Casey yelled
"You think I want her to crumble!? I'm sorry that I can't mask it as well as you did! I'm sorry that I can't paint on a happy face! I miss her Casey! I fucking miss her!" Kelly yelled as tears ran down his face
"We all do! Boden, Gabby, Cruz, we all miss her. But we're not letting her death take over us! Shay wouldn't want you to be this way and she sure as hell wouldn't want lou to be either!" Casey yelled
"Well I'm sorry, I just don't think I can do that" Kelly said as he walked away

Louella was walking home that day when Anna caught up with her.
"Look Lou, I know your going through it right now but you can't shut me out! I've been there for you! And I sure as hell have been patient. I've given you your space" Anna said
"And I appreciate that" Louella said
"Please lou! You need to snap out of this!" Anna begged
"When my dad died, I had this picture of him being in heaven, with all the magical creatures there was. I believed that he was better up there than what he was down here" Louella said
"But now, I know what happens when you die. It's crap, you leave behind everyone and everything you loved" Louella said
"I know it's hard right now but you and me. We're going to get through this together" Anna smiled
"I don't need help. I'm old enough to understand now Anna" Louella sobbed
Louella found herself sobbing in Anna's arms, just like she did the night shay died...