Humans Are Space Orcs

Drifters

I thought about "Humans are space orcs/ fae". There was a line talking about how there's a human working on a ship but no-ones entirely sure if they're meant to be there, but they didn't want to, like, offend the terrifying space orc.

What if the "drifter" archetype continues into space? Like maybe we negotiated for free travel with one of our allies, but because humans come from a death world and are terrifying, and because humans can be oblivious, we just assume we can board any ship going anywhere, nbd?

Like not as stowaways. We're not hiding. Like those wolves and wild dogs in Russia that use the railways. Are YOU gonna tell a wolf they shouldn't be riding the train?!? Thought not.

///////////

Captain Diii did not become aware of the... problem until her ship was a full half-cycle out from the resupply station. She was halfway through a standard sweep of her ship, to be sure it was all in good order when she came across a sort of cocoon constructed of light, sturdy fabric strung up at the end of service corridor alpha. It was not blocking access to anything of even minor importance, it simply was not meant to be there. It had no use she could discern, but it had no place aboard Captain Diii's ship.

"What is the purpose of this?" Captain Diii asked the young technician assigned to the sector.

Their mood-spots cycled to anxiety-orange as their feet shuffled in discomfort. "The human called it their 'hammock' and said it would be out of the way there?"

A human. On Captain Diii's ship. Her spots from fear to anger to consternation and settled on worry. This had never before happened to her. She'd only been captain for two annuals, and she operated so far from any of the major travel hubs she had hoped she would not have to deal with this.

The problem started after the war. The terrifying human 'marines' had been key to repelling the Kkoin invaders, with their wild recklessness and near-indestructibility. They had put an end to the war very quickly, and the terms of alliance in exchange for this service had been seen as extremely generous. They asked for transportation, mainly, since human FTL drives still lagged behind the galactic standard. It had been assumed that by this they meant transporting goods and perhaps colonists by arrangement, but the wording had been ambiguous in translation.

That did happen, but in addition, humans would simply... step onto ships going where they wanted to go. And stay. Who would dare contradict a human? Any one of them could turn deadly at a moment's notice. Their hardiness and ferocity was legend. As of yet, no way of repelling them had been 100% effective. Their comfort range was massive, so keeping a ship hot or cold did not help. Scents designed to be maximally unpleasant to the human sensory array dismayed some, but others would simply laugh and joke about them as they boarded anyway. It seemed they could acclimate to even the most noxious of scents within a few cycles.

Some humans would uproot their entire families and head for another planet, seemingly on a whim. Other humans would then go visit these families, and go back home, or not. Some humans traveled from planet to planet and station to station to satisfy their near-endless curiosity. Some traveled because to travel and see new things gave them pleasure, and then returned to their homes seemingly refreshed.

Such a strange species.

Captain Diii had been certain she had assigned someone to guard the ship and tell any hopeful humans that there was no space for them if they tried to board. Captain Diii did not have any facilities for humans aboard her ship. She buried to the nearest communication pod and signaled for her second in command, Taa, to join her.

Taa already had anxiety flashed on her mood spots when she arrived.

"Taa, were you not assigned to inform humans that there was no space?"

Captain Diii asked.

"I did, Captain!" Taa protested. "But she answered that she did not need much and walked right past me! What could I do?"

"And where is she now?" Diii asked.

"The kitchens. She... she said she wanted to be added to the duty roster, and that she enjoyed food preparation?"

That was another thing about the humans. They almost all wanted to work on the ships they boarded. Often they threw duty schedules into disarray by simply volunteering themselves to do tasks. At least this one seemed to know to ask the officer in charge of duties.

Diii found the human in the kitchens, as expected. She was very tall and thin for her type, of the morph 'all bones', if Diii was remembering the mandatory human-culture lessons that had recently been added to ships-captain certification classes. She seemed to lack the jiggling bits that were so disconcerting on some humans. She did not reek of the artificial fragrances as some humans did, instead scented pleasantly of human natural musk. Her head-covering strands, 'hair', was a friendly violet. Diii was certain this was not a natural coloration for the species. Her loose cloth coverings were earthy browns and creams, reminiscent of a child's camouflage.

The human turned to look at Captain Diii and showed her white-bone teeth in the body language 'smile', a gesture of friendliness and pleasure. Now that she was turned, Diii could see that half of the human's head was shaved, and an array of electronics were installed directly in her skull. It was a testament to their extraordinary healing powers that augmenting themselves with inorganic parts was commonplace in human culture. The humans had the technology to make their implants invisible, but some chose to make them visible because it looked 'bad posterior', which was somehow a good thing and aesthetically pleasing to them?

The human's implants lit up, showing the exact blue of happiness, as she straightened up to give the human 'salute' - a greeting to a superior. "Captain Diii? It's good to meet you. I'm Elizabeth, but you can call me Zizi."

Captain Diii could not help but be somewhat charmed. She must have the latest language-translation chip, Zizi's speech was near perfect, and that she had something that functioned nearly like moods-spots was comforting. Her chosen name, as well, was easy to pronounce and nonthreateningly low-status.

"A greeting, Zizi," Captain Diii answered carefully. "May I inquire your purpose aboard my ship?"

"Oh, I'm just a drifter," Zizi said. "I just love traveling, you know? I heard the moons of Sigma7 were gorgeous, so I'm working my way that-a-ways." Zizi's pseudo-mood spot lights switched to anticipation before cycling back to happiness. "I'll be off your ship at the next supply depot if I can find someone heading more in that direction."

Ah, the 'drifter' type. Captain Diii had heard of them. 'Ship-hoppers'. An entire sub-class of humans who wandered the galaxy simply because they did not want to do anything else. They were famously the most difficult to dissuade from boarding a ship, and most likely to board from a strange direction. Clearly, it was not Taa's fault she had been unable to keep Zizi out, and Diii signaled a brief apology toward her.

"I won't be any trouble," Zizi continued. "I can set my hammock up anywhere to sleep if it's in your way?"

"The location you have chosen is... acceptable," Captain Diii allowed. Zizi's hair's constant show of friendly violet had her own spots heading toward that color in automatic prosocial response. It was somewhat disconcerting. "I will leave you to your work," Captain Diii said, retreating, and Zizi smiled and threw another salute before turning back to the food on the stove. Her implants showed concentration and curiosity, and then Captain Diii was outside the room with her again.

She turned toward Taa, who was still concerned. "I have heard that ships with a human listed on their crew roster have a 30% lower chance of being targeted by pirates?" Taa volunteered.

"Yes, yes," Captain Diii mused. The risk was very low risk, to begin with, especially for a ship like hers that did not haul valuable cargo, but anything that lowered it further could not be all bad. "It is not your fault in any case, Taa. Nothing could have prevented this human from boarding."

Taa relaxed some, and Captain Diii returned to her inspection of the ship. Then she went to the helm and transmitted her updated crew roster to the main control base, encrypted only very lightly.

It certainly would not be bad to be known to have a human aboard.

Found on Tumblr by sixthousandbees & ts-porter