Humans Are Space Orcs

Kangaroos, Phrases, & Preparedness

Warning! Levels 2-3 swear words!

Imagine what aliens would think of ACTUAL AUSTRALIA. Humans are batshit insane, we do some crazy shit, but a decent amount of us are shocked by the mere concept of living in Australia. That place is no joke, it's death trap of a continent that somehow became a badass country. You don't fuck with Australia.

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Alien: What the fuck is a kangaroo?

Human: Oh, it's an animal from Australia. The hop around and they carry their kids in pouches. They may be cute, but don't get them angry, they can kill you.

The... the human is actually WARNING them of something? The human is AFRAID?

Human: That's just Australia for you, though. Literally EVERYTHING on that continent can kill you, so I guess it's not THAT off. Be careful if you ever go to Australia though. It's a very dangerous place.

At this, all of the aliens avoid Australia at all costs because if the fucking HUMANS are scared, then it must be the most dangerous and frightening place ever.

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Common phrases.

I've seen the whole, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" thing but what about, "If you want it don right, do it yourself?" Or, "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst"?

Trying to explain, "No I trust you, but what if...?" Can you imagine how baffling it would be to try and explain that you don't actually believe something will go horribly wrong, but you prepared for it anyways.

Like finding any and all edible plants and/or animals when you arrive at a new planet because you want to know what you can eat if something goes wrong.

Idk, I find this idea of explaining over preparation to those who don't understand very amusing.

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"CallMeBettyJo, why do you have such a large bag?"

"Hmm? Oh, this? Well, new planet and all," and the human made that odd upper limb torso joint movement.

Ncark paused, waiting for the rest of the explanation. This was the first time zi had crewed with a human but zi had carefully read the Guide to Humans, the latest annotated edition. Zi was perhaps one of the few who did not consider humans absurdly adorable, as all the mammalian traits seemed a bit, for lack of better word, creepy.

"I do not understand, CallMeBettyJo. Why does new planet mean large bag?"

CallMeBettyJo's dermis turned warmer. "Alright, I know I over pack, but better safe than sorry, right?"

Another pause.

"I still do not understand."

"This is a new planet, right? We don't know exactly what to expect, right? So, I like to be prepared. I'm not scout but I packed a few odds and ends; some rope, emergency blankets, a couple flares, ration bars, a flask of 'shine, a lighter, and so on."

Ncark paused as zi processed this. "You think we will need this?"

"Well, no, but we might. And if we do need it, it's better to have it, than to need it and not have it."

"Ah yes , this must be how your species survived the death world."

Found on Tumblr by all-hail-the-ace-beard-thing, acixs, & sewickedthread