his throat was raw | minsung

7

'so do you live in the dorms ?' jay whispered because the teacher had already begun the lecture but since none of the two showed any interest in biology, they just continued chatting the time away .

'i-i don't . but i live n-near here tho . i'm renting an apartment with s-someone'

'a girlfriend ?' jay automatically assumed .

'ahh no . just a guy t-that goes to this c-college as well'

'a boyfriend then ?' the boy continued but being a little more open-minded this time since he didn't know the other's sexual orientation . the chance of han having a boyfriend was just as high as to having a girlfriend . it's 2022 and anyone can love anyone .

'n-nah , just a friend ...' han slightly blushed at the thought of minho being their actual boyfriend .

'ah okay'

'do y-you live in the d-dorms ?' han returned the question.

'yeah i do . i also live with another guy from this school . i'm just glad i got to room with a person that i actually knew beforehand and not some random' jay whispered sounding extremely excited and happy about the fact that he didn't have to run into a possible creep .

't-that must be great ! i met my r-roommate like a few days ago'

'damn , are you two close yet ?'

'not r-really . but he's pretty c-chill from what i've experienced so far' han nodded feeling surprisingly really comfortable socialising with a random dude they had just met , making the stuttering pretty easy .

'that's nice . y'all have a lot of time to get along tho , so don't stress it if it seems to have no progress' jay gave genuine advice . 'how old are you and your roommate by the way ?'

'i'm 18 and h-he's 22 , if i-i remember correctly'

'ooo daddy' jay joked making them both let out soft giggles , but still trying to keep them down as much as possible since they were in the middle of a lecture and other students were actually trying to pay attention .

'shut up' han said through laughter , wiping away the single tear . it shouldn't have been this funny . but it was . it was a really good laugh .

'haha sorry' after a bit, both of them had calmed down .

'and how old you y-y-you ?'

'i'm 20'

'oooh so y-you're legal legal' (a/n : the legal age to drink in korea is 19)

'yea' jay smirked 'do you drink ?'

the question caught the younger off guard but it was exactly what han was implying to so they did it to themselves to be completely honest .

'i'm more of a let's s-smoke a joint t-type of person , but if there's a bottle o-on the table , shit , who am i-i to say no ?'

in all honesty han was far too familiar with drugs . when things got hard at home they would just meet up with their dealer and buy the loud . it calmed them down every time . made all the problems disappear . even tho they never really did - but in han's little head , they most definitely would disappear.

abused drugs as an escape once in a while , until han couldn't stop . they recognised it as an addiction after almost a year of using , but never been able to stop ever since . it was like this dark and scary room han had created for themselves and felt way too dizzy to try finding the exit . the feeling was intoxicating and drunkening .

it would be a total lie to say that han didn't try to get sober and better . they got sick of the constant routine of feeling like shit and depending on weed for fake happiness so they tried to quit and get clean but all 3 tries were so horribly unsuccessful since they tried to do it all on their own . but on the exact mark of 2 incredibly hard and helpless weeks , han contacted their dealer for more . so they stopped trying and let themselves completely feed into the addiction , hitting the joint not as often as they used to but still not being capable to properly function without getting high once in a while . and by once in a while i mean at least a couple times a week .

'you smoke ? damn what else should i know about you ?' jay wouldn't even have guessed that his seat partner would be into stuff like this .

wait this is the perfect time to say it and set everything straight .

'i-i go by they , them pronounce ... i'd be r-really thankful if y-you r-respected it' han confessed stuttering obviously increasing since the thought of someone not accepting them was making them anxious again .

'oh' jay audibly gasped 'sure , okay' the boy didn't really mind and didn't fully understand what that meant but he will make sure to try his best to use the correct pronounce not wanting to upset the younger .

and suddenly the bell rang , dismissing everyone. han stood up , pulling their heavy backpack over their shoulders and was about to walk away .

'han wait !' jay exclaimed making them turn around at the voice . 'here's my number , let's have a drink sometime or as you say ... a joint' he smiled giving han a small post-it with his number written on it .

'f-for sure ! later' han smiled and after shoving the paper into their pocket walked out of the classroom .

a/n : i had this book abandoned for literally a month because i wasn't happy with it . but i'm at the point where i feel okay so yeah let's finish it for real this time !