Pure Stupidity (Konosuba x Male Reader)

Stealing Panties and Capturing Cabbages

POV: Kazuma Satou

I keep waking up to the sounds of Y/N snoring and Aqua hitting me in the chest while sleeping, and it's getting genuinely infuriating. I stood up and got my tracksuit on which smelled like toads.

Y/N and I really have to get new clothes soon...

I walked out of the stables and went to the guild, crossing paths with giant buff men and very lady like women until I eventually got to the guild and ordered myself a stiff drink. I usually waited for Aqua and Y/N to come to the guild themselves before I ordered food but I was really hungry this time, so I decided to eat without them.

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Kazuma: Konosu!

Y/N: BA!

Kazuma: YOU STOLE MY LIN-

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As soon as I finished, they waltzed into the guild looking pretty tired so I ordered them some coffee to start their day off. Y/N walked over to me and gave me a fist bump while Aqua walked behind him.

Y/N: "Thanks for ordering for us."

"Well, you two looked pretty tired so..."

Y/N: "Blame Aqua, she kept nudging me while I was trying to sleep."

Aqua: "You didn't have to violently shake me awake!"

I kept a neutral face while they were arguing until the coffee arrived. We all silently sipped our coffee until the cups were empty. I stood up and went to go get the reward from the toad quest from yesterday.

Luna: "I've verified that you have completed your quest! Thank you for the hard work."

She handed me back my Adventurer's card and I noticed that I went up by four levels.

"I really leveled up by four all at once?"

Luna: "Yup! The newer adventurer you are, the faster you level up! Anyway, here is your reward, 110,000 Eris."

I took the tray of Eris and sat down with the Y/N and Aqua.

Y/N: "110,000 Eris... split between four people, that comes to 27,500 Eris for all of us."

Kazuma: "We almost lost our lives for 27,000 each... That's too little!"

Y/N: "Yeah, I had to get used to that for a while, but I'm saving a bit for something big later."

Aqua: "How much do you have saved?"

Y/N: "Don't worry about it, Aqua."

Y/N looked behind me and was about to shout out something, but then closed his mouth and just hung his head down. 

Darkness: "I noticed that you're recruiting members for your party, is that correct?"

I turned behind me and was stunned. A female knight... An extraordinarily beautiful one at that! She looked so mature that I immediately started blushing.

"W-We are! Though, I wouldn't recommend it..."

DID MY VOICE JUST SQUEAK!? THIS IS MY PUNISHMENT FOR BEING A SHUT-IN!

Darkness: "Good. I was waiting for someone like you to join someday."

"Huh?"

I hear Y/N mutter something under his breath then he starts giggling a little bit. I kept looking at her until she started panting heavily.

Darkness: "My name is Darkness. My c-calling is that of a Crusader... P-P-Please let me join your party!"

oh HELL no