Wild Card || Levi x Reader

twenty-four: and I've got one foot in the door

You don't even have it in you to smile. "Read the first word, and that's it," you confess.

Their eyebrows rise. "Really?"

"Mm."

"I thought you'd have read it by now."

Me too. "Yeah," you echo. A thought occurs to you, and you glance at them. "You've read it, haven't you?"

Hange immediately looks away, and you get your answer. "Well, when I found it in his room, I didn't know what it was," they say. "So yeah. I read it. He's no poet, sure, but..." they trail off. You can feel tears biting at your eyes. "It'll be worth your read."

You take another sip of your mimosa. It's almost all gone at this point.

"You can talk to me, you know," Hange says gently, and they bring their hand to your leg, squeezing your knee. "I know I- I don't have the same connection that you did with him, but I knew- I knew him for a long time. He was- he was one of my closest friends."

God, you're going to cry again. You feel like you've had enough of that for your lifetime.

"Not that he'd ever admit that," they add.

That makes you chuckle quietly. "Yeah," you murmur. "Guess not."

You have so much you want to tell him. So much you wish you could say. You should've had so much more time together. 

"Is it because it feels too final?" Hange guesses.

"Really digging into me here, Hange."

"Well, Petra said you weren't talking to her, and I figured she might've been too nice to bring up the tough stuff." You glance at them again; there's tears in their eyes, much like yours. "It's tough, but we have to talk about it," Hange insists. "As much as- as much as it hurts to. It's the only way it gets better."

Not always. When your parents died, you threw yourself into the woods, into hunting. You didn't really talk about it. And, well, shit- now you've been carrying an eight-year-old grudge that got you into this mess with the Capitol in the first place. Shit. Never mind that argument.

You can't think of any way to argue against Hange's point, so you keep quiet. "We have to talk about it," Hange murmurs. "I was- I was talking to Farlan. Maybe we could do a little ceremony for him, or something like that."

"He'd hate that," you say, lips twitching. 

Hange grins slightly. "Yeah, he would, wouldn't he?"

To do a ceremony, you'd need a body, and... "Have they... found him yet?" you manage, hand clenched tight around the mimosa glass.

They shrug. "Erwin took the first patrol out a few hours ago, but from the updates I heard, the wreckage was so bad that they could only tackle the east wing. Zackly's office was on the opposite side, so... not yet, I don't think."

You swallow hard. Maybe you should've gone back. Weaved through the rubble, avoided the destruction, possibly killed yourself in the process- but you could've, maybe, found where Levi landed. Got to hold him one last time.

"Hey," Hange says firmly, and you blink your tears away. They're frowning at you. "They'll find him," they say. "And- well, that's the side where most destruction happened. It could take a while."

"I could've when I was-"

"No way. The building was collapsing- you could've died if you tried to find him immediately." Hange grabs your hand and squeezes. "And I can't lose you too," they add, their voice cracking. "So I'm glad you didn't go back in."