Behind Closed Doors

09 - play prentend

"I'm sorry but she gets really annoying!" I nod.

"I feel you girlfriend don't worry. But she really loves you. So try to be nice to her, okay? Her asking you to do your homework or make your bed isn't the end of the world."

"Yes it is! She doesn't shut up!"

"Okay. So then you just do it and she will. Or ask her for more time. Don't just not. That's when she gets mad." She smacks her lips.

"Was she always like that?" I nod.
"Did dad make it better?" I nod.

"I miss him. And I've never even met him. But I can't even imagine how you feel." She plays with her hands.

"Are you sad?" She asks, looking up at me.

"Right now? No. Are you sad?" She nods.

"I'm gonna go to your room."

"Okay." She goes into my room.

"Is she talking about dad?" My mom asks. I nod.
"She's been doing that a lot."

"Why?" I ask.

"Because she had to do a family tree and it all went downhill from there. She was mad at you because you got to meet him and she didn't. And then she was sad because she never met him. It's.. a cycle and it's exhausting. But she's six and I can't explain that to her."

"I think both of you are exhausted and you should go lay down. I got her." She nods.

"Mkay." She goes into the guest room.

"The oldest child that's the glue to the family. You need a lot of therapy, don't you?" Elizabeth asks.

"Yes!" I say.

"Are you alright?" Natalia asks.

"Right now? Yeah. Later on? Probably not," I say.
"As much as I love my mom.. she drives me insane."

"Oh, same!" Zoey says.

"If you ever need a break let us know. Mkay? I love Kat. She's my bestie. And.. your mom can read one of her-"

"Self help books?" I ask. She nods, and I laugh.

"Please." I look at Natalia. She looks like she relates. Kinda. Or she just may be feeling empathy. I don't know. The look in her eyes isn't really.. here.

I wonder what she's thinking about.

Stop, Hazel.

.....................

Okay. It's been like, three hours, and I'm fucking tired of my mom.

And so is Kat. Her six year old brain is too fucking smart.

She's drunk. My mother is not a fun drunk.

"Did dad play board games with you and your friends, too?" She asks, looking at me. I look at her.

"He did. Yeah. They loved him more than they loved me," I say. My mother sighs.

"Can you stop bringing him up, Katerina? I know you miss him but for Christ's sake you've never met the guy."

"Mom," I say.

"I.. I'm sorry," Kat whispers.

"Don't apologize, Kat that wasn't an okay thing for her to say. What is the matter with you, mom?" I ask.

"I'm just saying, Hazel. She doesn't even know him."

"Okay but she has the right to know about him! She's curious! She's six!" I say. Natalia takes Kat into her arms and pulls her toward her.

"Well she can ask when I'm not around. I'm tired of all her damn questions. I don't want to hear it anymore. I don't want to talk about him anymore."

"Okay so tell her that. Don't snap at her when she just wants to know about her father!"

"She doesn't need to know about him! She'll never meet him! He's never coming back! What's the fucking point?!" She asks, standing up.

"The point is she misses him! And it doesn't matter if she's met him or not! She can still miss him! She can still want what I got! She looked at the photo on my dresser and almost cried, mom! She just wants to meet him! I don't know why the hell you're acting like this!" I say.

"You care too damn much, Hazel."

"What are you talking about?!" I shout, standing up.

"About everything! About her. About your fucking father. About his death. About me supposedly "not being there for you," about it all, Hazel!"

"Because you weren't!" I shout.

"You didn't need me! You needed him so damn much and then when he died it changed?! You tried to play favorites?!"

"I held him while he died, mom! And you weren't even there!" I shout.

"I was 16! I needed you! And you pretended like I wasn't even there! You cared about Kat but you forgot you had another child! I was a child!" I shout, my voice shaky.

"Yet you acted like an adult every other fucking time. You went out to bars with him, Hazel. Probably saw him kissing some skank."

"No. No, you know what fuck you, mom. The only reason why you're so pissed at me is because I had a better relationship with him than you did. Don't be fucking mad at me because you cheated on him and he stayed." I pause.

"Don't be mad because your relationship with him was ruined because of your own actions. He loved you, mom! But you went and fucked that up like you fuck up every other relationship in your life! Even your six year old imagines moving out of the goddamn house because of you!" She slaps me in the face. Kat gasps.

"You don't have a damn say, Hazel! I don't want to fucking talk to you!" She storms out and slams the door. Kat starts to sob. I turn around and face her. She stands up and holds her arms out to me. I pick her up, and she sobs into my shoulder. I rub her back.

Natalia's hands are shaking. She's triggered.

"Nat," Lizzie whispers. They go into Zoey's room. I go into my room and lay Kat on my chest.

"You should've never seen that, Kat."

Elizabeth's POV:

"No one's gonna hurt you, Nat."

"I'm triggered but I also.. I feel so bad for her, Liz."

Zoey's POV:

"What the fuck just happened?" I ask, looking at Lyss. She wipes her tears.

"We just found out a fuck ton about Hazel. That's what happened."

A/N - the chapter names are hinting toward something that's gonna happen in the book. Well, starting with this chapter.

And what Natalia was thinking in the last chapter. "I have a hallow feeling my chest"

And if you figure the song, it's the last verse :)

I love you!!💗🥰