OUR PLAYLIST | JENLISA

FORTY-TWO

Jennie

Playlist: fresh bruises | Bring Me the Horizon
***

I read the letter Zane had sent me a hundred times. Stared at those four words at the top of the page until they were seared behind my eyelids. Lisa lied about Lola.

Zane and Courtney were close.

The letter went on to explain that Courtney had told Zane she had been there the night Lola showed up. That Lisa had never been alone with Lola except for the few seconds when she’d walked through her room to answer the door for me. Lisa had taken a sleeping pill and had no idea Lola had even been there until she woke up.

Then Zane said that Lola had a breakdown and hurt herself, and Lisa was only on that motorcycle to take her to rehab. She told me nothing in the tabloids was true and that Lisa had told Ernie explicitly to let me believe it if I asked.

Zane wouldn’t lie. She was the most brutally honest person I knew. And if Lisa knew she’d done this without her permission, she’d fire her. She was risking her job to send me that message.

I couldn’t breathe.

Why? Why would she make that up? Why would she say something so horrible to me and want me to think so many awful things about her?

I immediately called her. The first time in three months. It went straight to voicemail.

Lisa had never, in the entire six months I’d known her, had her phone off. Ringer down, yes. Phone off, no.

My number was blocked.

So Lisa didn’t want to talk to me. She didn’t want me calling her. She was here, in LA, and she hadn’t come looking for me. And she’d never once reached out to me in the last three months. So why was Zane trying to get me to go over there? She clearly didn’t want to be in a relationship with me if she’d fabricate a story like this just to get out of it. She’d gone to extremes to make sure it was over between us.

And now I was angry.

When she’d first done what she did, I was devastated. Then, when I saw the pictures with Lola, I’d been hurt and disappointed. I’d spent the last few months in various states of numb confusion. But now that I knew that she’d lied to me, I was furious.

So she’d wanted to break up and she’d thought destroying me would be the easiest way to do it?

I called Zane. I thought it was going to voicemail, it rang so long before she picked up. “Hey, what’s up?” she whispered.

Lisa must be there.

There was something heart wrenching about knowing she might be just on the other end of that line. Maybe I’d even hear her. My knees suddenly felt weak. I hated that she still had that effect on me, that I still loved her to stupidity.

“Why would you send me that, Zane? She obviously doesn’t want to see me.”

“Just…can you give me one second? Just hold on.”

I heard shuffling. Then a few moments later she came back. “Are you coming?” she asked, her voice low.

“No. She doesn’t want me there.”

“Yes she does,” she said. “She’s fucked up, Jennie.”

I laughed, incredulous. “She’s fucked up? She lied about sleeping with another woman and then she put me on a plane and never spoke to me again.”

Her voice went lower. “Look. Just come. I don’t know what the fuck her problem is. All I know is Lisa loves you.”

I shook my head. “I think Lisa loved me once, Zane. But she’s Lalisa now.”