Nora Miller would always walk past the Cobham Training ground on her way home from school. When passing by, she'd always come across the one and only Mason Mount. The arrogant and annoying academy player who would always try to shoot his shot, askin...
I took a deep breath to avoid any sobs from escaping but was unsuccessful as I felt the tears coming back, "He said I was too late.. that he couldn't torture himself anymore by chasing after me," the tears were unmanageable and began to flow out.
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My breathing was weak and rigid, I could feel my hands shaking and my heart aching. "God I'm so stupid!" I breathed out, "why do I have to be so scared of having feelings for someone? "You know I was this close to admitting my feelings for him the night we kissed? But no, I backed down because I'm the biggest pussy!" My voice broke, and I couldn't take it anymore. I began to cry in front of Willow and she immediately engulfed me in a hug.
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"Hey, don't bring yourself down for it, we can't control our fears," I took deep rigid breaths in to calm myself down, "and maybe this is good for you... Maybe it'll open you up to dating again.."
"No fuck guys, fuck dating and fuck Mason Mount."
I expected this. Deep down I always knew I was going to get hurt by him. I mean it happened with Tyler and he even saw how much he affected me. And now it's happening with Mason— heck it feels worse with Mason because it's been bottled up for all these years.. In all honesty, I can't even think of a relationship that's lasted long. Willow's ex's only last no longer than a few months and we don't even talk about my brother's relationships. I always see them both running to me, ranting about how awful their partner has made them feel yada yada.
"I mean what's the point anyway? Relationships are always doomed to fail." I complained.
"Well, I don't think that's entirely true.." she said pulling away from the hug.
"Oh really? You've been with 50,000 guys and they never last longer than a year!"
"That's because I date them long enough to see their true side, and they're always terrible so I leave them."
"Yeah well, relationships still suck..." I pouted, thinking about what Mason is probably doing now with that girl... They're probably still alone together, looking at the stars— or maybe they might've kissed by now, or fu—
I immediately got up from my seat and went straight to the bottle.
"Nora. Stop." Willow snatched the drink before I even made it to the bench, "you're getting into that habit again. You know what Gloria said."
"That was years ago," I said trying to grab the bottle out of her hands but she avoided it.
"Still, she said you need to own up to your feelings. You need to actually feel. Ok? I gave you time to distract yourself but now you need to sit and wallow." She raised her eyebrows to test me and I bit my lip.
Around high school, I was told distracting myself was a good way to cope with my feelings. It worked well for a little while and could see a lot of progress with it but it later became a toxic mechanism for me. I would use it with every little emotion I felt to the point where I ignored everything. Every little emotion I felt I brushed away with distractions. And that's exactly what I did with Mason..
I should've kept doing that with Mason. I should've kept ignoring my feelings.
If I did I wouldn't be this hurt, I wouldn't be this heartbroken..
Willow placed the bottle back into the cupboard and went to the fridge to grab some ice cream, "Disney marathon?"
"I thought you said I shouldn't distract myself?"
"You're still going to cry.. We're watching The Lion King First."
