Crossing Love Lines (2022)

CHAPTER 26

CHAPTER 26

LEI

Mabilis at malalaki ang naging paghakbang ko. Hindi ko na nga nagawang iparada pa nang maayos ang sasakyan ko. I wanted to see Shine as soon as possible. I wanted to see for myself if she's okay.

Bago ko pa man mabuksan ang pinto ng bahay nila ay dinig ko na ang usapan ng mga tao sa loob. I went inside and braced myself for what was already happening and for what was about to happen.

Si Shine ay kasalukuyang nakaupo sa sofa at tulala. Tita Lora and tito Dan were by her side, comforting her. Sina Fallon at Axel naman ay nasa gilid at nakatingin lang sa kanya.

Tito and tita were asking her questions, but no answers came out of Shine's mouth. Dahan-dahan akong lumapit at napahinto lang nang iangat niya ang kanyang ulo para tingnan ako. When Shine saw me, her eyes began to be filled with tears. From staring into my eyes, hers slowly darted to the book in my hand.

Taas-baba ang balikat ko dahil sa hingal, pero mas lalong lumala ito dahil sa ekspresyon ni Shine. She knows that I already know the truth. And I'm scared. So scared. I am so scared for her.

Ang kanina'y naluluha lang na Shine, ngayon ay humihikbi na. She covered her face as she sobbed. I couldn't help but tear up as well. Pagkalito naman ang nasa ekspresyon ng mga kasama namin sa sala habang pabalik-balik ang tingin nila sa aming dalawa.

Kahit na bigla akong hinatak ni Axel palayo kay Shine ay hindi nito napatigil ang pagluha ko. Wala akong maramdaman kung 'di sakit kahit pa galit na galit ang mukhang bumungad sa 'kin. Nanatili ang tingin ko kay Shine—hindi ko magawang ialis ang paningin ko sa kanya.

"Sinasabi ko na nga ba, may kinalaman ka rito! Anong ginawa mo kay Shine, ha?" Pakiramdam ko ay dumagundong ang buong bahay dahil sa lakas ng boses ni Axel nang kwelyuhin niya ako. Fallon immediately stood up to stop Axel.

"Axel, don't..." bulong nito. Pero hindi nakinig si Axel, instead, he continued to run his mouth on accusations. Hinayaan ko lang siya—wala sa mga sinasabi niya ang pumapasok sa isipan ko dahil na kay Shine pa rin ang atensyon ko. Tito Dan and tita Lora remained silent as they stared at the person they treated as their own daughter.

"Stop! Stop it!"

Lahat kami ay natigilan nang biglang magsisisigaw si Shine. She stood up and moved away from us. Nang subukan siyang lapitan nina Axel ay lalo siyang sumigaw kaya wala silang nagawa kung 'di ang manatili sa kinatatayuan nila.

"Anak, ano bang problema?" Tita helplessly cried. "Why won't you tell us anything? Please, let us help you..."

Shine continued to sob. She put a hand over her mouth to stop her cries from being heard, but it was futile.

When our eyes met, I finally realized how much pain she was in and how I was too blind to see it. Matagal na bang ganito ang sakit na nakikita ko sa mga mata niya ngayon? Why don't I remember seeing her eyes in that much pain before?

Ang tanga ko. Ang tanga tanga ko.

Just when I thought I knew her—here comes something else that tells me I don't. Is it my fault why she tried to take her own life? Dahil lagi kong ina-assume na magiging okay ang lahat? That when I finally get her to laugh at her problems, at her pain, everything would be well with her? Should I have paid her more attention?

As someone who claims to love her, have I really loved her in a way she could understand?

Seeing Shine in this state in front of me—it seems like the answer is already obvious.

No.

I wasn't able to love Shine the way she could understand, because if I did, then she wouldn't have wanted to die.

"No..." Shine said in between her cries. "No one tried to kill me."

Nakita kong nangunot ang noo ng mga kasama namin sa silid.

Si tito Dan ang naglakas loob na magtanong. "What do you mean, Shine, anak?"

"No one tried to kill me... no matter how much you search for them, you won't find them..."

Axel stepped forward. "'Wag kang mawalan ng loob, Shine... Malalaman din natin kung sino—"

Lumakas ang pagtangis ni Shine. "I'm the one who tried to kill myself!"

To hear those words from her felt so heavy. Hindi lang mabigat, hindi lang masakit, kung 'di nakakapanghina.

"What are you saying, Shine? You wouldn't—" Kahit si Fallon ay hindi makapaniwala sa narinig. She couldn't even finish her sentence and when her voice cracked, she teared up.

"All along, it was my plan!" Shine clenched her fists. "I... I cut the wires—"

May pangamba at takot sa boses ni Axel nang putulin niya ang sinasabi ni Shine. "Hindi mo gagawin 'yun—"

"I already did!" Nagmartsa papalapit sa 'kin si Shine at hinablot ang librong nasa kamay ko. She showed it to everyone. "A year ago, I planned it... It's all in here, so please... Please..."

Hindi na nagawang tapusin ni Shine ang sasabihin niya. She immediately dropped the book and ran out of the house. Sandali kaming natigilan at nabalik lang sa ulirat nang mahimatay si tita Lora.

"Lora? Lora?!" Tinapik-tapik ni tito Dan ang pisngi ng asawa pero hindi ito sumagot. Mabilis akong lumapit at sinuri ang pulso nito. I assured tito that she's going to be fine, but he has to have her formally checked in the hospital.

Tumingin sa 'ming tatlo si tito. Nangungusap ang mga mata nito. "Please, take care of my niece for me..."

The three of us nodded in understanding. Agad kaming kumilos para hanapin si Shine. Napagpasyahan naming maghiwa-hiwalay sa paghahanap para mas madali namin siyang makita.

As I ran aimlessly to look for Shine, I couldn't stop the tears from blurring my vision.

No words would ever be enough to express how much it hurts to know that she attempted to take her life... and how she almost succeeded.

Shine, please... please, let's try again. Please choose to live.

For the first time, I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to force her to live. If she couldn't live for herself, I want Shine to live for me.

I need her. I want her. I like her. I love her.

When I realized my feelings for Shine, I had never dreamed of her love. It didn't matter if she would not love me that way. Her smiles and her presence were enough for me, what I feel doesn't matter.

Kuntento na akong maging best friend niya. Kuntento na akong maging best friend lang niya. Basta mananatili akong malapit sa kanya, basta matatanaw ko siya kahit malayo siya.

Ngayon ay lalo lang napagtibay ang damdamin ko tungkol dito.

I have never wanted her life more than I have ever wanted her love.

Live, Shine, so that I could also continue to live. Without you in my life, I would just be existing. I'm sorry I haven't told you just how much your existence made my life worth living.