Pieces of Us (SatoGou)

Chapter 1

Mom clears her throat, and I suck in a deep breath through my nose, knowing from the look on her face that a question I won't like is about to come my way. "How come you didn't bring Maria with you?"

I sigh, closing my eyes. I knew this talk was coming, but I'd hoped to avoid it for longer than this. I arrived late last night, so at least she didn't have time to question me then. I should have known I wouldn't make it through breakfast without having to explain.

Maria was my last girlfriend. We met in Unova, where I've been studying to become a Pokémon Professor. Dawn had been texting me all night, encouraging me to get out there and meet new people, huffing with me when I ignored her. I'd been at university for a couple of years, and the only real friend I'd made was my roommate. Even then, we weren't great friends. We just chatted and ate meals together occasionally. When Nate had approached me that night, asking me to go to a bar with him, I was shocked, but Dawn's probing had reverberated in my brain until I sat up in bed and agreed to go.

We'd gone out to a bar, and I tried to keep up with Nate's drinking habits but gave up pretty quickly. Being so well known, I'd kind of gotten used to being approached by people, especially girls. It was awkward as hell, and most of the time I wished they'd just leave me alone. So when I was sitting at the bar alone while Nate was at the bathroom and a girl had sat on the bar stool beside me, smiling wide, I expected her to make a fuss.

"Hey," she'd said.

"Hey," I'd said back, casually. I wish I could be as bold and bubbly as I had been when I was younger, but I'm not. I think I'm still easy to get along with, and super upbeat most of the time, I just don't make as many new friends. Situations in the past have made me close myself off a bit more. I'd always been too kind and trusting as a kid.

"Sorry if this is weird," the girl said, grimacing and leaning against the bar, her long brunette ponytail falling smoothly over her shoulder. "I thought it would be much easier to introduce myself than this, but turns out it's pretty hard."

I laughed, despite myself, at the embarrassed look on her face. "You're doing okay," I said.

She blew out a breath and shook her head, her hair swaying like silk behind her. "Liar. Anyway, let me try again. Hey, I'm Maria." She smiled. I supposed she was pretty, but there was no initial spark. There never was.

"Ash," I replied, smiling. I didn't know if she genuinely didn't know who I was, or was just pretending not to, but for once I didn't mind. We talked, and Maria had somehow charmed me in a way most people didn't manage to. When Nate had gotten back from the bathroom and saw us laughing together, he'd left us alone, and I spent the night at the bar with her instead. At the end of the night we exchanged numbers.

By the end of the month, we were dating. She wasn't my first girlfriend. I'd had a couple over the years, but I struggle to invest myself in anyone. When I was seventeen, Dawn kissed me out of the blue one night when we were sitting out under the stars in Sinnoh. The second we pulled away, we burst out laughing, both of us knowing that it would never happen again. Then I got my first girlfriend; a girl named Layla, that I only dated for two months before she left me, saying I was too distant. Then there'd been Lillie. That was probably my biggest mistake. I knew I shouldn't have crossed that line with her, and yet we did anyway. In the end, they only lasted a few months too.

Dawn is constantly harassing me, asking me how I haven't met anyone yet. She came out a couple of months after our kiss and has been dating Chloe ever since. May and Drew have been together for six years now. Misty is engaged to Gary. Even Brock has a stable relationship. And then there's me.

And if I'm being honest, Maria was probably the result of pressuring from my friends. The others probably were, too. After she broke up with me two weeks ago, I came to the realization that each time, I've been more bothered about the fact that I'd have to explain to my friends that it happened again, than I was upset that it was over. It made me sick with guilt that I had no genuine feelings for them, but I really did try. I tried so damn hard. And yet I've never gotten further than kissing with any of them. That was why most of them left me in the end. That, and I just wasn't interested enough. I didn't give them enough.