As I was climbing the stairs to the 3rd Floor Apartment, my mind was racing a million thoughts per second. But chief among them was her. I hadn't seen Kavya for more than over two decades. The last time would be the slight glipmse of her I stole from my balcony as she came to my home to meet me but I cowardly hid from her. It seemed like a million years ago.
As I came around the bend at the last landing, their door came into view. Climbing the last few stairs was the hardest task I had ever had to endure. The chance meeting with Sid was a preface and my anxiety was at its peak with various probable scenarios which may unfold when I finally came face to face with her. Would she be angry? Possibly. But how angry? Could it be appeased somehow? Amidst all these thoughts, I found myself standing in front of their door.
I pressed the doorbell and stood waiting. Anticipation was building up within me with every passing second. I could hear sounds from inside the apartment. Someone was in a hurry. Then I heard the lock on the door click free, and it opened. There was she stood, in front of me. Her dark brown eyes, beneath those silky eyelashes were filled with some emotion I could't read. Her intense gaze seemed to be piercing through my very soul. At that instant, a wave of my own memories swept over me and I relived my entire childhood once again within an instant.
I was almost apprehensive of the thought that she might be angry to the point where it might end up with me at the receiving end of her slap, but on the contrary, she just stood there looking at me. Almost as if I was the living embodiment of one of her forgotten dreams that had suddenly appeared in front of her. Then her lips curved into the shape of a polite smile and she spoke. "Dhruv."
Her voice nearly broke my heart and I felt a knot developing in my gut. My voice I found was lost and although I wanted to tell her how glad I was to have met her after all those years, express how much I had missed her and the sound of her voice but I could't. "I am so sorry Kavya." The words expressed themselves and there was nothing I could do about it either.
She received them with the same grace with which she had accepted me when she had opened the door. "You should be," she said. Then surprsing me further the corner of her lips bent slightly and a most beautiful smile blossomed on her face. And right then I knew why I couldn't ever fall in love again. As I just stood there, she came forward and hugged me. She had done it so many times before, when we were young, but this time, it was something different. This time it was something new. This time, it lacked the closeness of the past but rather the coldness of a stranger. She broke after a few seconds and then I followed her inside.
As I entered their home, the feeling of me being a stranger intruding in their lives gradually intensified. And there were plenty reasons for that. Although I had not been a part of their lives for almost half of it, I had been aware of some of their affairs by the courtesy of my mother, who kept me informed from time to time with what little she could have managed to know herself. It was through her that I came to know about their marriage, about a couple of years later after I had permanently shifted to Kolkata. We were invited as a family but I didn't attend. I couldn't. Neither could I attend the ceremony of the birth of their child a couple more years later. It was a boy, I heard, and inspite of being a thousands of miles, I couldn't help but shed tears of joy on that fateful day. But that was years ago too, and I have kept myself wary from any further news after that. I had kept my distance and was rightfully feeling the effects of it years later.
Inside, Siddharth was seated on the couch. Seeing me come in, he pointed towards the dining table where dinner was already laid out and said, "Should we start?"
After the splendid dinner, cooked by Kavya, we were served freshly made desserts. Even later, all of us sat down on the couch and conversation followed. I told them about my life, and how I came to be the owner of a publishing house. They told me about their marriage, two years after Sid got his job. They told me about their son, Reyansh, who at that time was studying in college.
"He is just like you Dhruv. He reads. He writes. Reminds me so much of you," Sid said, and Kavya nodded in approval.
We talked, reminiscing our old days of childhood and eventually lost track of time. When I next looked at my watch, it was nearly a quarter to midnight.
"I should leave," I declared.
"It's that late already?" Sid said taking a look at the watch himself. "Shit. I forgot my medicines," he said getting up and disappearing into a room on the left.
I got up to leave and Kavya accompanied me to the door.
"I had a great time this evening," I told her. She just smiled and nodded. Her simle had kept me firm for all these years, but then, I could sense something different about it. It was not just a polite smile for a stranger. There was a surreal sense of sadness in her smile. It was as if she was in some great pain. What might be the reason? I wondered. Maybe she is worried about Sid, his health. That got me thinking about something that had been completely sidetracked throughout the evening.
"Kavya, what has happened to Sid? When we were speaking earlier he said he was sick and was undergoing treatment, but didn't tell what is it. What is he suffering from ?"
I was taken aback by the sudden coldness in her eyes. Her body stiffened and her mouth became more firm than before. The slight hint of smile by then had disappeared altogether and I was beginning to feel scared of her answer. Before I could react, she looked at me and said, "Dhruv, Siddhart is dying."
I couldn't believe it. She didn't possibly say what I heard.
"What did you say?!" I hadn't realised but my voice had turned almost to a whisper, as if I was confronting and speaking to myself.
She stood still. Her hand was at the door, which I realised she was holding pretty tightly. Perhaps to support her composure. "He has Lymphoma. Final Stage," she replied. Her voice had began to break a little.
I couldn't hear any more. My ears seemed to be ringing all of a sudden.
"Kavya-" we heard Sid's voice from inside. "Where is that brown envelope I brought in the evening?"
She was looking at me. And I was helpless. Not in control of my own thoughts and body, I turned around to climb down the stairs. Behind me I heard the door close. Taking one step down the stair I felt my knees shake and the feeling of the ground shifting from beneath my feet. It cannot be true. I stood there for a second holding the railing to balance myself, gradually making slow steps down the stairs. The landing was as far as I could reach as my legs collapsed beneath me and I sat down. I wanted to go back into their appartment, to bring them close, to hold her and console her, but with what words? Even if I could have managed some meek words of comfort, I wondered in dismay, who would have consoled me?
